So your biological father/mother dies, how was your relationship w/ the step-parent?

[Heafcliffe]

Friends and I were talking about a real situation he is going thru. 8 years ago, his pops died and he leaned on his stepmother (who raised him since he was 4; he is 32 now) and everything was cool. He actually considered her to be his mother. Even getting her name tatooed on his body. As of late, he noticed some changes:

-his stepmother (S/M) rarely contacts despite him calling/leaving vcmls,
-when he visits her, she has a majority pics framed of her biological daughters
-S/M hides behind her daughters; they relay messages to him rather than the S/M calling and letting him know directly
-he is getting married (like myself) at the end of the year and S/M has not attended any of the "wedding" gatherings but has plenty of time to hang with the daughters and her friends
-he is even thinking of removing her from his wedding & have his real mom (whose relationship has improved over the last decade) in it

I think that's it for the most part. So he has been seeing these changes, confronted her on it many times to get to the problem's core so he could just to spend time with her. The S/M said she needs to "get better" with her communication, but still no changes. He has began to cut off contact (i.e. doesn't invite to anything of his, delete her from FB and gchat as a friend, keeps any convos polite but short and KIM, etc.)

What should I tell this dude because, looking at him, you can tell this bothers him? Any of my brehs and brehettes been in this situation?

 

[DallasTxRep]

When my mom died my father wasn't there.....
Grandma and aunts raised me

 

[Mowgli]

Friends and I were talking about a real situation he is going thru. 8 years ago, his pops died and he leaned on his stepmother (who raised him since he was 4; he is 32 now) and everything was cool. He actually considered her to be his mother. Even getting her name tatooed on his body. As of late, he noticed some changes:

-his stepmother (S/M) rarely contacts despite him calling/leaving vcmls,
-when he visits her, she has a majority pics framed of her biological daughters
-S/M hides behind her daughters; they relay messages to him rather than the S/M calling and letting him know directly
-he is getting married (like myself) at the end of the year and S/M has not attended any of the "wedding" gatherings but has plenty of time to hang with the daughters and her friends

I think that's it for the most part. So he has been seeing these changes, confronted her on it many times to get to the problem's core so he just to spend time with her. The S/M said she needs to "get better" and all, but still no changes. He has began to cut off contact (i.e.delete her from FB and gchat as a friend, keeps any convos polite but short, etc.)

What should I tell this dude because, looking at him, you can tell this bothers him? Any of my brehs and brehettes been in this situation?

She probably doesnt want him telling her daughters he used to hit. That, or she doesnt want him trying to smash her daughters. At the end of the day, they arent blood. In her mind she probably fulfilled her obligation to him by raising him and when she got remarried her new man doesnt want his ass coming around because it reminds him of another man, who is dead. Life is hard, hug him.

 

[Heafcliffe]

She probably doesnt want him telling her daughters he used to hit. That, or she doesnt want him trying to smash her daughters. At the end of the day, they arent blood. In her mind she probably fulfilled her obligation to him by raising him and when she got remarried her new man doesnt want his ass coming around because it reminds him of another man, who is dead. Life is hard, hug him.

No idea what you tryna say there but the daughters and him grew up together and they are almost 20 years older than him. He has no "unnatural" feelings for "his" sisters like that.

I feel you on the obligation aspect. Oh, and the S/M says she won't remarry bc his pops was her "soulmate." Can't call it though.

 

[twan83]

My real father walked out on me and siblings when i was a kid. So i ended up with a lot of hatred toward him to be honest

But my mother still had his information though for child support reason but he would never contact us to talk to us and when i was in my early 20's i wanted to finally get the real deal

his response though is what a lot of guys say:

Son I left for this reason only AIN'T NOTHING BETTER THAN NEW p*ssy YOU HERE ME
IM MARRIED NOW AND fukkING A CHIC ON THE SIDE

Me personally im down with that being SINGLE BUT NOT IN ANY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP THOUGH

What i do know is my real father has been married at least 6 times has over 10 kids from what i was told

My step father came into my life when i was in 1st grade i think and has been here since then so i see him as my TRUE AND REAL FATHER

 

[Mowgli]

No idea what you tryna say there but the daughters and him grew up together and they are almost 20 years older than him. He has no "unnatural" feelings for "his" sisters like that.

I feel you on the obligation aspect. Oh, and the S/M says she won't remarry bc his pops was her "soulmate." Can't call it though.

There is a secret and or information your boy isnt telling you obviously.

 

[Heafcliffe]

There is a secret and or information your boy isnt telling you obviously.

Nah. On everything, I highly doubt my boy and his S/M were an "item". If you were to only take into account the facts that I know (and no speculation), what would tell my brehski?

 

[Mowgli]

Nah. On everything, I highly doubt my boy and his S/M were an "item". If you were to only take into account the facts that I know (and no speculation), what would tell my brehski?

Thats not the only possibility. Who knows what the deal is. You cant tell your boy shyt really. You can tell him to be a man and stop crying about it or you can tell him to take the emotionally confrontational route and ask her if he did something and or send christmas/birthday/easter cards and hope she comes around to paying him attention like she did when he was a kid. If he had a good relationship with the daughters, maybe they know what the deal is? I just doubt that something like this would be this much of a mystery to figure out with so many people to talk to about it.

 

[Heafcliffe]

Thats not the only possibility. Who knows what the deal is. You cant tell your boy shyt really. You can tell him to be a man and stop crying about it or you can tell him to take the emotionally confrontational route and ask her if he did something and or send christmas/birthday/easter cards and hope she comes around to paying him attention like she did when he was a kid. If he had a good relationship with the daughters, maybe they know what the deal is? I just doubt that something like this would be this much of a mystery to figure out with so many people to talk to about it.

Now we on to something here....

 

[Mowgli]

Now we on to something here....

If you feel obligated to tell him something just pretend like your a best friend in a movie and do what you've been programmed to say.

"confront her about it bro. Go to her house and ask her "WHY, WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Freaking Love you" Yadda ya.




In my personal opinion i think your friend needs to man up. In life, people drift apart for reason uknown/known. You cant do anything about it sometimes. If he loves this woman then all he can do is keep her in his thoughts with communication without expecting a response. I have relatives who send me cards that i dont really call or speak to that much. Maybe one day, she'll come around and they can dialogue about what happened.

 

[Heafcliffe]

If you feel obligated to tell him something just pretend like your a best friend in a movie and do what you've been programmed to say.

gotcha

 

[Mowgli]

gotcha

@ using this opportunity to get friend points.

 

[Heafcliffe]

@ using this opportunity to get friend points.

gotcha

In my personal opinion i think your friend needs to man up. In life, people drift apart for reason uknown/known. You cant do anything about it sometimes. If he loves this woman then all he can do is keep her in his thoughts with communication without expecting a response. I have relatives who send me cards that i dont really call or speak to that much. Maybe one day, she'll come around and they can dialogue about what happened.

I tell dude to move on truthfully and I think he is finally getting it. There is something that she clearly doesn't want to talk about and cowers away behind her true biological family. Her true feelings are showing and he should always be respectful and polite but remember that she is, in fact, not his mother. He already gave it many attempts, she stiff-armed so he should KIM.

Funny thing is S/M will come around once he neglects to fill her in on his life events (i.e. children, new house, possible relocation). Hopefully, the nikka don't buckle.

 

[Mowgli]

gotcha





I tell dude to move on truthfully and I think he is finally getting it. There is something that she clearly doesn't want to talk about and cowers away behind her true biological family. Her true feelings are showing and he should always be respectful and polite but remember that she is, in fact, not his mother. He already gave it many attempts, she stiff-armed so he should KIM.

Funny thing is S/M will come around once he neglects to fill her in on his life events (i.e. children, new house, possible relocation). Hopefully, the nikka don't buckle.

Thats just guilt on her part. She wants updates but she doesnt want to be involved. People probably ask her *what happened with so and so* and she feels like knowing she hasnt talked to dude in ages so she does what shes supposed to do, get an update but once it comes time to hang out and chill its like

 

[Heafcliffe]

Thats just guilt on her part. She wants updates but she doesnt want to be involved. People probably ask her *what happened with so and so* and she feels like knowing she hasnt talked to dude in ages so she does what shes supposed to do, get an update but once it comes time to hang out and chill its like

I can dig it bc S/M still has the control and "power" in the so-called relationship. Cut off cold turkey may be best option?