Seinfeld 9/11 Spec Script: The Twin Towers

[Honga Ciganesta]

Here’s a great way to make a name for yourself as a comedy writer: write a pitch-perfect spec script for the classic sitcom Seinfeld… set in the days after 9/11. Yes, Seinfeld may have gone off the air in 1998, but comedian Billy Domineau imagined a world in which the show kept airing and Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer acted like the entitled, selfish, near-sociopathic New Yorkers that they always were during one of the most trying and intense times in the city’s history. It also includes Newman, George’s parents, Uncle Leo, Jackie Chiles, Mr. Wilhelm, and George Steinbrenner. Reading the resulting pitch-black script, it’s impossible to not picture it perfectly.

Domineau, a freelance joke contributor for Weekend Update and former Onion News Network writer, wrote the script as a lark and uploaded it to Google Docs — you can read it here or embedded below — and it’s currently blowing up amongst comedians on Facebook. He told Sean McCarthy of The Comic’s Comic that he “was helping someone write a sketch a few months back and told them theirs needed to be an exercise in bad taste, ‘Like imagine if there was a 9/11 episode of Seinfeld…wait a minute.” So, naturally, he wrote it. Now read it below.

KRAMER

You remember my friend crazy Mo Atta?



KRAMER

You know he was always talking about how evil America was? Eventually I told him, “Why don’t you do something about it?” I thought he’d write to his Congressman!

JERRY

Kramer, he just crashed a plane into the World Trade Center! He slit the pilots’ throats with a box-cutter!

KRAMER

Not “a” box-cutter - MY box-cutter. He borrowed it last week!

ELAINE

(even more intense)

GET - OUT! You have to do something!

KRAMER

Oh, you’d better believe it! I’m getting that box-cutter replaced.



ELAINE

You wouldn’t kiss her because of DUST?

JERRY

It was all I could see! It was coming at me like a 747! She said she couldn’t date someone so petty.

 

[Breh Obama]

 

[jdubnyce]

 

[Ed MOTHERFUCKING G]

I laughed way more than I should have....

 

[MartyMcFly]

Kinda feel bad I laughed that much

 

[Methodical]

I shouldn't have laughed but this is exactly what I picture truly Seinfeld episode while I read it

 

[MenacingMonk]

Dark Seinfeld

 

[Knights89]

pretty good lol

the convo between Kramer and Jackie, Jackie dismissing him and then cutting to Jackie talking to Saudi Sheiks

 

[The Phoenix]

Oh that is fukking excellent. I love it.

 

[Shogun]

 

[Sunalmighty]

Bananas. That line "he slit the pilots throats with a box cutter" had me cracking the fukk up for some reason

 

[Kill Dat Noize]

yo i'm readin this and i'm only on the first scene with george and i'm dying

 

[Sunalmighty]

at the exchange on page 6

 

[PlayerNinety_Nine]

This shyt is ruthless as fukk, my God

"That dust is AMERICA"

 

[Sunalmighty]

Have the families of the victims seen this shyt?