Ridiculous POF profiles and the women who post them

[shutterguy]

Considering the number of these hoes who have multiple children, and very young children at that, the Himalayas should be on top of Kilimanjaro by now. Whatever they're doing is working, short term. Unless they find a simp and get that ring, then long term.

She has no car and 3 kids so she is will be dependent on someone for transportation, most likely public transportation. Her schedule may also be hectic due to the fact she has 3 kids maybe limited childcare at home so long dates are out of the question and she is probably accustomed to being quick p*ssy for any "date" she goes on. Im thinking her dates are typically held right there in the backseat of the car. Anyone with a clue can see that she will be easy. This chic most definitely kisses on the first "meeting", I would not arrange a "date", when you meet her at what ever spot google maps take you to I would put her hand on my dikk and drive off to the telly because she already know what it is. Im thinking she the type to arrange pickups at her house too and her kids are not afraid of strangers. Her and her kids are "daredevils", she the type you have to be about it and rather than talk about it. Also leave the condoms at home, she doesn't use them, just pray and cross your fingers and check for unusual red bumps, coughing etc before you dive in . As an opening converation I would gas her head up by telling her she is a great mom, congratulate her for completing 10th grade and her job working with kids is special

Thin body only thin thing around her is that chicken bone she just finished

I once saw a paraplegic girl on there...she was posing in different outfits (swimsuits and lingerie) with her crutches.

Her tagline was "I make crutches look sexy"



that was the day i ended my POF account.

Athletic body type?
I'd say power lifter, but I doubt she's picked up anything heavier than a Costco-sized box of doritos.


And spoiler alert: putting on a sports bra and yoga pants don't make you 'athletic.'



fukking people, man...

I'm done, trying to get through the 1st 6 pages without falling on the floor dying from laughter at work. Got me slumped over my keyboard, stomach hurting from laughing, trying not to be loud.

 

[Sk3ptical]

I want I want I want

I offer npthingt

they just come with a p*ssy and a wet mouth

 

[Collateral]

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=90846432 this nikka

 

[UpAndComing]

That ain't no Queen..That's a Hair Hatted Hooligan..Trust and believe SHE'LL ACT A FOOL AGAIN

 

[Brandeezy]

About Me
PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE PROFILE BEFORE REPLYING DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING THAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER

My friends would describe as care-free, a good listener, fun-loving, and spontaneous. I'm POLY please note: THE MORE HONEST YOU ARE...THE BETTER...NO LIES, NO SECRETS

THIS IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER...#3 IS NOT NECESSARY BUT PREFERRED:

1. He must be college-educated or in the process of earning a degree
2. He should be single or if you are poly be discrete
3. He must be Christian and involved in his church just as much as I am...and I am heavily involved at my church
4. He should be living on his own or has roommates
5. He must have his own vehicle
6. He must have a job and be a provider....that is biblical based


I'm looking for a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. I want to be a wife and a mother.

Please feel free to send me a message anytime. I am also willing to exchange number so don't be shy about sending me the best number to connect you.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=55577888

Gotta be fukking kidding me

 

[TripleAgent]

About Me
PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE PROFILE BEFORE REPLYING DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING THAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER

My friends would describe as care-free, a good listener, fun-loving, and spontaneous. I'm POLY please note: THE MORE HONEST YOU ARE...THE BETTER...NO LIES, NO SECRETS

THIS IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER...#3 IS NOT NECESSARY BUT PREFERRED:

1. He must be college-educated or in the process of earning a degree
2. He should be single or if you are poly be discrete
3. He must be Christian and involved in his church just as much as I am...and I am heavily involved at my church
4. He should be living on his own or has roommates
5. He must have his own vehicle
6. He must have a job and be a provider....that is biblical based


I'm looking for a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. I want to be a wife and a mother.

Please feel free to send me a message anytime. I am also willing to exchange number so don't be shy about sending me the best number to connect you.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=55577888

Gotta be fukking kidding me

Profession Avon Consultant

 

[UpAndComing]

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/planetcats

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/planetcats

• About
• Photos
• The Two of Us
• Personality

I’m looking for

• Everyone
• Ages 21–30
• Near me
• Who are single
• For new friends, long-term dating, casual sex

My details
Last online
Yesterday – 10:26pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body type
—
Diet
—
Smokes
No
Drinks
Very often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
—
Sign
Aquarius, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Working on university
Job
Hospitality
Income
—
Status
Single
Type
—
Offspring
—
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English, Spanish (Okay)

My self-summary
i'm a cat lovin, whiskey drinkin, lame joke crackin weirdo.
i smile a lot.
it's hard to offend me.
i love babies and animals.
i also love horror movies and talking about disgusting bodily functions.
i've got a big ol case of scatterbrain.

on a day to day basis, i generally dislike/am annoyed by most people. but on the grand scale i care very deeply about humanity and am constantly shocked at how disconnected and cruel some of us can be to our fellow earthlings.

this makes me sound much sweeter than i actually am*****
What I’m doing with my life
Waitin them tables
Reading
Drinking
"Probably going back to school"
Trying to get outside as much as I can
Becoming one with my cat
Occasionally getting into trouble
I’m really good at
baking
ranting
embarrassing myself
knocking things over
The first things people usually notice about me
glasses, tattoos, crazy hair
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
chuck palahniuk. eve ensler. hp lovecraft. haruki murakami.
the phantom tollbooth has a special place in my soul. also I just finished house of leaves and I can't sleep at night.

most miyazaki films, lord of the rings trilogy, reservoir dogs, a clockwork orange, gone with the wind, clueless, hobo with a shotgun, conan the barbarian, heavy metal

space dandy, game of thrones, broad city, rick and morty, parks and rec, twilight zone, samurai champloo

the white stripes, a tribe called quest, m.i.a., lana del rey, the trashwomen, pontiak, james brown, dikk dale, red fang, wu-tang clan, nancy sinatra, bikini kill, black sabbath, joy division, ke$ha, etta james, crystal castles, biggie, cocorosie, atmosphere, electric wizard, purity ring, dr dre

and yes, i fukking love the beatles.

is it weird if I say caramelized onions are my favorite food?
I eat a lot of veggies and hummus, but do not get me wrong I will put away some goddamn wings and steak.
every now and then i get a werewolf-like craving for a chili cheese dog
The six things I could never do without
My cats
My Swiss army knife
Music
Wine
Mexican food
Sunshine
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Patterns
The grand scheme of it all
Cute animals
Black holes
Ladies
Galaxy clusters
Should I order a pizza
On a typical Friday night I am
Participating in some sort of debauchery.

Or eating an entire pint of ice cream in my bed.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to LARP
You should message me if
you like cats
you're a sick freak
you want to offer a blood sacrifice in the glorious name of satan

 

[FeloniousMonk]

About Me
PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE PROFILE BEFORE REPLYING DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING THAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER

My friends would describe as care-free, a good listener, fun-loving, and spontaneous. I'm POLY please note: THE MORE HONEST YOU ARE...THE BETTER...NO LIES, NO SECRETS

THIS IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A MALE PARTNER...#3 IS NOT NECESSARY BUT PREFERRED:

1. He must be college-educated or in the process of earning a degree
2. He should be single or if you are poly be discrete
3. He must be Christian and involved in his church just as much as I am...and I am heavily involved at my church
4. He should be living on his own or has roommates
5. He must have his own vehicle
6. He must have a job and be a provider....that is biblical based


I'm looking for a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. I want to be a wife and a mother.

Please feel free to send me a message anytime. I am also willing to exchange number so don't be shy about sending me the best number to connect you.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=55577888

Gotta be fukking kidding me

 

[BlackMajik]

For the love of GAWD

 

[Numero Deux]

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/planetcats

Average girl trying way too hard to look interesting and "clever" with her profile. If you actually met this chick in real life, she would probably be very shy and mousy and not particularly engaging in any shape or form.

Girls like this are a dime a dozen on OKC.

 

[Nomadum]

POF and OKCupid like the 7/11 Food Stops and the Greasy Spoons of online dating. I tried my hand in a bunch of them. chicks are wild on these things.

but brehs!

try the new dating app called "Get the fukk out into the real world and meet real women"

nerds

 

[skeetsinternal]

^

 

[Remy Danton]

re-subs for updates

 

[Remy Danton]

re-subs for updates