Nation Too Sad To fukk Even Though It’s What Prince Would Have Wanted
Nation Too Sad To fukk Even Though It’s What Prince Would Have Wanted
CHANHASSEN, MN—After hearing the shocking news of the iconic pop star’s unexpected death, the U.S. populace reported Thursday that it was simply too sad to fukk, even though they knew it was what Prince would have wanted. “If Prince is looking down on us right now, I know he’d want to see us all get down and fukk, but I’m still just so upset that he’s gone that I don’t think I could get in the mood,” said 37-year-old Arizona resident Carol Parnum, echoing the sentiment of tens of millions of Americans across the country, who acknowledged that, despite recognizing that nothing would have brought more joy to the seven-time Grammy-winning multi-instrumentalist than everyone getting freaky and fukking all night long, their emotions were still much too raw to do so. “Look, I understand that Prince wouldn’t want us to be moping around with our heads in our hands, crying about how he’s gone and never coming back—no, he would want us to fukk raw and to fukk nasty. But I...I just can’t. My heart just isn’t in it right now.” After much personal anguish, the teary-eyed nation reportedly took a deep breath and solemnly mustered the resolve to get naked and start fukking, saying it was simply the right thing to do.
Nation Too Sad To fukk Even Though It’s What Prince Would Have Wanted
CHANHASSEN, MN—After hearing the shocking news of the iconic pop star’s unexpected death, the U.S. populace reported Thursday that it was simply too sad to fukk, even though they knew it was what Prince would have wanted. “If Prince is looking down on us right now, I know he’d want to see us all get down and fukk, but I’m still just so upset that he’s gone that I don’t think I could get in the mood,” said 37-year-old Arizona resident Carol Parnum, echoing the sentiment of tens of millions of Americans across the country, who acknowledged that, despite recognizing that nothing would have brought more joy to the seven-time Grammy-winning multi-instrumentalist than everyone getting freaky and fukking all night long, their emotions were still much too raw to do so. “Look, I understand that Prince wouldn’t want us to be moping around with our heads in our hands, crying about how he’s gone and never coming back—no, he would want us to fukk raw and to fukk nasty. But I...I just can’t. My heart just isn’t in it right now.” After much personal anguish, the teary-eyed nation reportedly took a deep breath and solemnly mustered the resolve to get naked and start fukking, saying it was simply the right thing to do.
