"Opening up when ur done with them" unappreciation Thread

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Sooo what's up with this. Currently my ex and I are roommates until our lease ends. He was fine but it didn't work out for a lot of reasons. Namely because he had issues opening up and was freaked out by any type of romance or emotional connection.

So we broke up. But now that I don't mess with him any longer (I don't have casual sex so that was cut off months ago), all of a sudden he wants to become Drake.
This is someone who has done whatever he could to push me away. Wtf?

Nothing explicitly disrespectful because I don't deal with that bullshyt anyway but seriously. This is the shyt I hate. I shouldn't have to treat you like shyt for u to act right.

If u can't drop the bullshyt facade and be vulnerable in love and take a risk, why the hell are u trying to get into a relationship anyway?! It's like dating a wounded fukking deer.

I can't. Glad it's over. Had the closure talk and all. Can't deal with the cycle of on and off. shyt is exhausting!

 

[Stir Fry]

be vulnerable in love and take a risk

You answered your own question right here. Not saying that he's right, but just pointing out the reason. When it comes to matters of the heart, we as men are often very naive as to what the correct path to take is.

It's nothing personal, we're just stupid like that. Lol

 

[Lady.Libra.]

It's always very telling when a man does this after a breakup: Offer/promise you the things you were asking for when you were together. If you happen to get back with him he'll "act right" for all of 2-4 weeks then go right back to status quo.

 

[Elle Driver]

In short, men are dumb.

 

[BezO]

Sooo what's up with this. Currently my ex and I are roommates until our lease ends. He was fine but it didn't work out for a lot of reasons. Namely because he had issues opening up and was freaked out by any type of romance or emotional connection.

So we broke up. But now that I don't mess with him any longer (I don't have casual sex so that was cut off months ago), all of a sudden he wants to become Drake.
This is someone who has done whatever he could to push me away. Wtf?

Nothing explicitly disrespectful because I don't deal with that bullshyt anyway but seriously. This is the shyt I hate. I shouldn't have to treat you like shyt for u to act right.

If u can't drop the bullshyt facade and be vulnerable in love and take a risk, why the hell are u trying to get into a relationship anyway?! It's like dating a wounded fukking deer.

I can't. Glad it's over. Had the closure talk and all. Can't deal with the cycle of on and off. shyt is exhausting!

How did you end up livin' with someone who never opened up to you emotionally?

I never understand these types of complaints. You commit to a man that never was what you wanted and get mad at him for not bein' what you want.

Then men are all types of dumb, ain't shyt, etc.

At what point do you recognize the problem was your inability to select in accord with your wants & needs?

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

How did you end up livin' with someone who never opened up to you emotionally?

I never understand these types of complaints. You commit to a man that never was what you wanted and get mad at him for not bein' what you want.

Then men are all types of dumb, ain't shyt, etc.

At what point do you recognize the problem was your inability to select in accord with your wants & needs?

Not never. He was great and excited in the beginning. I think after we started living together he got shook. There would be times when he would ask me why I was with him. Naturally, I brushed it off and tried being reassuring. Everybody has insecurities.
But the more his friends and family kept saying positive stuff about us together, the more he started to withdraw.

We spoke about it yesterday. He told me he never dated somebody like me before. Also mentioned he never had to take any other women in his life seriously because they were pieces of shyt (whatever that means). So when we met he said he couldn't let me go but he wasn't ready.

I'm like...lol nikka tell me that! Communication is everything. We're cool now and when the lease is up next August, we'll part ways.

But yeah I don't have regrets for giving people a chance. Despite his reticence to be 100% demonstrative all in love like I need, he has been very good to me. Hell dude has done damn near everything. His problem is he wants all the benefits of a relationship, but he's been hurt too much to wanna risk the commitment for one. But at the same time he doesn't wanna let go either...so I had to make that choice for him.

As much as I love him to death, I'm not down with being a fukk buddy cuz u too stuck on hurt from the past. Regardless we started out being friends so we'll always be cool. But sometimes stuff doesn't work out. That's life.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

You answered your own question right here. Not saying that he's right, but just pointing out the reason. When it comes to matters of the heart, we as men are often very naive as to what the correct path to take is.

It's nothing personal, we're just stupid like that. Lol

Once u get out of ur feelings u can relate to people more. After talking with him about it, I get it now. Also you can't rush healing. We became close friends very quickly even tho we didn't become intimate until around 7 months after we met. Some people u just have an instant connection with. Lmao!

He says I came into his life like a whirlwind and he couldn't give any bullshyt justifications for running away like he had with some of his previous exes.

I think he thought he was okay before he actually was. I get it now and ur very right, it actually isn't personal but u know it feels like it in the moment. Also I'm not a big fan of pressure or rushing. But even tho I wasn't rushing him for anything, he still felt pressure I guess from family or friends to move forward. I think he thought I was going to eventually leave him or abandon him cuz I was going to school.

It's hard to convince people that ur down for them if they feel otherwise inside.
I hope he finds what he needs because he's a great person and deserves some happiness.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

It's always very telling when a man does this after a breakup: Offer/promise you the things you were asking for when you were together. If you happen to get back with him he'll "act right" for all of 2-4 weeks then go right back to status quo.

Yeah he's in panic mode. But for me I see too many other parallels. At some point I want him to see how great he is, realize his worth and have the courage to follow thru with his decisions w/o fear of failure or disappointment. That includes trusting that a girl is able to love u for u, and won't abandon u.

But yeah u can't lower the drawbridge just because I'm bout to ride out. Lol! I think he'll be okay and he'll make a great guy for somebody someday. But for right now, I'mma let him cook and figure himself out.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

In short, men are dumb.

Lmao! Sometimes I think our culture makes it so hard for men to open up. And if u don't have examples growing up u have to learn how to navigate those emotional waters by urself with only pop culture and peers as help.

 

[Stir Fry]

Once u get out of ur feelings u can relate to people more. After talking with him about it, I get it now. Also you can't rush healing. We became close friends very quickly even tho we didn't become intimate until around 7 months after we met. Some people u just have an instant connection with. Lmao!

He says I came into his life like a whirlwind and he couldn't give any bullshyt justifications for running away like he had with some of his previous exes.

I think he thought he was okay before he actually was. I get it now and ur very right, it actually isn't personal but u know it feels like it in the moment. Also I'm not a big fan of pressure or rushing. But even tho I wasn't rushing him for anything, he still felt pressure I guess from family or friends to move forward. I think he thought I was going to eventually leave him or abandon him cuz I was going to school.

It's hard to convince people that ur down for them if they feel otherwise inside.
I hope he finds what he needs because he's a great person and deserves some happiness.

It's good that you're not rushing him. Just let him know that you're available to talk when he is. My wife and I dated back in high school, and one weekend I hadn't communicated that I was going to sacramento for the day. She blew up my pager and I got upset and cut her off cold turkey, we were really feeling each other and talking on the phone for hours on end prior to that time too. I didn't talk to her until 10 years later , when I saw that she had a mypace profile, because I didn't understand that you could work through things As guys, we're just retarded like that until we see or experience a working model of how a healthy relationship works. It's not something that can be taught or explained to us unfortunately.

 

[Youhadasparkwhenustarted]

It's hard to undo 20-30 years of social conditioning.Hell, it's hard for any adult from any background to undo bad habits, to the point where it's very unlikely they'll change after a certain point. You did the right thing op, an adult mostly like isn't gonna change for good and for anybody, unless he really wants it for himself. If you get back with him and you see he changes, most likely those changes aren't permanent, learning to open up is a looooonnnnng process.

What sucks though, is when a man opens up, if they get betrayed in a significant sort of way, they have a much tougher time bouncing back from it than women it seems.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

It's hard to undo 20-30 years of social conditioning.Hell, it's hard for any adult from any background to undo bad habits, to the point where it's very unlikely they'll change after a certain point. You did the right thing op, an adult mostly like isn't gonna change for good and for anybody, unless he really wants it for himself. If you get back with him and you see he changes, most likely those changes aren't permanent, learning to open up is a looooonnnnng process.

What sucks though, is when a man opens up, if they get betrayed in a significant sort of way, they have a much tougher time bouncing back from it than women it seems.

I think it's because ya'll get socially punished for showing emotions

 

[Youhadasparkwhenustarted]

I think it's because ya'll get socially punished for showing emotions

Yeah it's most likely that. Even though society has shifted a little bit in terms of how masculinity should be perceived, people are still quick to ridicule someone they deem soft. But even in relaxed setting it's hard to let down your guard because we might feel the blow back from opening up will be a lot worse than what actually happens. You see it on here all the time too," you show weakness in front of your girl you share her" and shyt like that. I'd like to believe that even women who uphold traditional gender roles will give you more slack than that lol.

 

[BezO]

Not never. He was great and excited in the beginning. I think after we started living together he got shook. There would be times when he would ask me why I was with him. Naturally, I brushed it off and tried being reassuring. Everybody has insecurities.
But the more his friends and family kept saying positive stuff about us together, the more he started to withdraw.

We spoke about it yesterday. He told me he never dated somebody like me before. Also mentioned he never had to take any other women in his life seriously because they were pieces of shyt (whatever that means). So when we met he said he couldn't let me go but he wasn't ready.

I'm like...lol nikka tell me that! Communication is everything. We're cool now and when the lease is up next August, we'll part ways.

But yeah I don't have regrets for giving people a chance. Despite his reticence to be 100% demonstrative all in love like I need, he has been very good to me. Hell dude has done damn near everything. His problem is he wants all the benefits of a relationship, but he's been hurt too much to wanna risk the commitment for one. But at the same time he doesn't wanna let go either...so I had to make that choice for him.

As much as I love him to death, I'm not down with being a fukk buddy cuz u too stuck on hurt from the past. Regardless we started out being friends so we'll always be cool. But sometimes stuff doesn't work out. That's life.

OK. When you said, "...because he had issues opening up and was freaked out by any type of romance or emotional connection" and, "This is someone who has done whatever he could to push me away.", this was only after you all were in love and livin' together? He only stopped bein' open, romantic and emotionally available after you were fully invested?

 

[Rawtid]

How long were you dating? Did you ever take the time to ask him how he expresses emotion? Your definition of "opening up" may be different than his. It's also important to note that just because he wasn't expressing emotion he could have been changing other behaviors that you weren't aware of. I think the whole "Drake" way takes some time to get to.