Youre making points that are subjective and thats cool. He isnt sniveling in his marriage or work. Youre confusing his actions with Logan as if these are his actions with anyone other than Logan and that isnt the case. the reality is that Tom hasnt done anything differently than Gerri or Carl or the other guys as far as how they handle Logan with the exception that Tom has both stood up to Logan AND offered to sacrifice himself to Logan. Which is exactly why Tom is in the room. Keep in mind, this most recent episode, Tom is the only person that Logan sat down with at his birthday party.
Him accommodating that open marriage shyt to Shiv is definite knock, wont argue that. But thats my personal subjective opinion about not doing it. Being objective, he did something he didnt want to do for his marriage to continue but since doing so, he is the only one who actually has been having open relationship. Shiv did not respect him, I agree. That is also a knock to be with a woman that doesnt respect him. But I believe, and this is me just thinking where they are going with the writing, is that Shiv actually DOES respect him, she's just finding that out now because Tom is doing exactly what Shiv has WANTED to do. Earn her fathers respect and actually be comfortable in an open marriage. Thats why she was bothered by Tom being with Naomi and the whole Disgusting Brothers thing with Greg.
Back to my specific point, you have issues with the choices the character is making. I spoke about actor's performance and the writing of the character as well. It can not be denied that dude is killing this role as Tom and Tom's character, along with Greg are the only ones showing real development. Its more to his character portrayal than just him being a pushover in his marriage.