As I age deeper into my 30s (I'm 32), I understand more and more that this world, even those closest to you, dgaf how you feel. I went through the most traumatic, emotionally/psychologically altering experience of my life these last 2 years; so much so that I entered therapy.
All through those experiences, I still had to balance leading my family, providing, working, being a father to my boys and fulfilling my husbandly duties to my wife. Doing that while trying to maintain yourself is damn near impossible.
Even when people know what you're going through, they feel for you, but in the end, they don't care. No offers of help. Nothing. Not even a conversation even.
We are expected to harbor that pain and keep it moving. There are no breaks for us. There is no time for us to stop, breath and heal. That's why so many of us are so damaged and we end up passing that damage over to our significant others and/or kids and it creates a cycle.
But not me nikka. Despite of all that. I put on my cape for my boys and wife and push through. I keep my smile on at home even if I gotta force that shyt. I can't let my family see me panic because as the head of this house, I can't show panic or else they'll all panic. So I just keep it moving.
My responsibilities drain me but keep me motivated. Every time I look into my kids eyes, I remember how I didn't have my dad at all. It was just me and moms struggling on the east side of Memphis. I owe my family my life so I ignore my pain.
