That was good listen.
No the Black Matriarchy is not a Myth!
- Thread starter satam55
- Start date
That was good listen.
Interesting listen but I'd like to see a little more proof that the descendants of slaves have held on to that particular aspect of African culture when so many other aspects of said culture has been lost or transformed entirely under racism/white supremacy.
xoxodede
Superstar
Matriarchy has been in our community for a very long time --and not because BW want to lead - she has too. So, if a family (like many Black ones do) have no male elders such as a Grandfather or father who are active or alive - nor in a position to take care of their families and make smart decisions for the family unit as well. Even if there are sons/uncles - many are still under and listen to their Mother or GrandMother/Aunts/women elders in the family - it's a respect thing - and those women are the ones who raised him -- and who has always been there for them and their family members. So, of course they are the go-to's in the family.
I went to the YouTube channel this was posted too - and it was very anti-Black women. Which is interesting - because they act like women are leading by choice -- no it's because they have too. Due to the men not being there and being able to financially support or even wanting to lead and build families -- and having no issue with just walking away from their children. But, they want to fault the women. That ish is backwards. That's like if a could get a man pregnant and then decide to walk away for whatever reason - then blame him for asking me to help take care of our child. Then blaming him for messing with me and giving me a chance and being with me. I don't get some BM's logic. It dumb and immature. This is the main issue in our community. Blaming BW for doing things many BM don't wanna do.
I know for myself - women lead on my mother's side of the family - because my Granddad was physically abusive and my grannie and her 10 kids (5 girls /5 boys) had to leave Alabama before he ended up killing them. He would also use his check and spend it on other women and not feed his family. Therefore, my Grandma and her sisters lead the family. But, they usually all worked together with the men (my great uncles/uncles) to make decisions for the family.
But, on my Dad side - only the men lead - and they didn't play about that and has always been that way. They all married the women they had children with and provided well for them. My dad lead our household cause he was there and active + the only provider. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and didn't have to work - and my daddy wanted it like that. I was a daddy's girl and spoiled as all get out -- but I always felt sorry for my mom - cause my dad ran that house - and I felt like she really didn't have a voice and had to get permission for damn near everything. I promised myself when I was little to always have my own money - and would never be in the position where my husband controlled me and dished out a weekly allowance to me. My mom was an unhappy trophy wife.
To me, Patriarchy seems more controlling than Matriarchy.
It's weird cause some BM want to lead and be in control but be wanting their women to split all the bills, work just as hard, cook, clean, take care of the kids, be a sex toy all at the same damn time -- and expect that woman who is not only giving half but contributing a lot more to fall in line and let him make all the decisions. It don't work like that.
I don't wanna get married - but if I did - there is no way I am marrying a man who thinks i'm going to be doing all that and plus coming off half my paper at the same time. WHY? What kind of deal is that.
I went to the YouTube channel this was posted too - and it was very anti-Black women. Which is interesting - because they act like women are leading by choice -- no it's because they have too. Due to the men not being there and being able to financially support or even wanting to lead and build families -- and having no issue with just walking away from their children. But, they want to fault the women. That ish is backwards. That's like if a could get a man pregnant and then decide to walk away for whatever reason - then blame him for asking me to help take care of our child. Then blaming him for messing with me and giving me a chance and being with me. I don't get some BM's logic. It dumb and immature. This is the main issue in our community. Blaming BW for doing things many BM don't wanna do.
I know for myself - women lead on my mother's side of the family - because my Granddad was physically abusive and my grannie and her 10 kids (5 girls /5 boys) had to leave Alabama before he ended up killing them. He would also use his check and spend it on other women and not feed his family. Therefore, my Grandma and her sisters lead the family. But, they usually all worked together with the men (my great uncles/uncles) to make decisions for the family.
But, on my Dad side - only the men lead - and they didn't play about that and has always been that way. They all married the women they had children with and provided well for them. My dad lead our household cause he was there and active + the only provider. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and didn't have to work - and my daddy wanted it like that. I was a daddy's girl and spoiled as all get out -- but I always felt sorry for my mom - cause my dad ran that house - and I felt like she really didn't have a voice and had to get permission for damn near everything. I promised myself when I was little to always have my own money - and would never be in the position where my husband controlled me and dished out a weekly allowance to me. My mom was an unhappy trophy wife.
To me, Patriarchy seems more controlling than Matriarchy.
It's weird cause some BM want to lead and be in control but be wanting their women to split all the bills, work just as hard, cook, clean, take care of the kids, be a sex toy all at the same damn time -- and expect that woman who is not only giving half but contributing a lot more to fall in line and let him make all the decisions. It don't work like that.
I don't wanna get married - but if I did - there is no way I am marrying a man who thinks i'm going to be doing all that and plus coming off half my paper at the same time. WHY? What kind of deal is that.
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David_TheMan
Banned
sounds like you just made up a lot of untruth shyt to justify your own life.
Just say you are a modern woman who doesn't want traditional values or a traditional man.
xoxodede
Superstar
Well, it may sound like that - but that's not the truth. I love traditional relationships - and I have always been in one.
And may I ask - what's untrue or what you disagree with? Because the only thing I said about myself personally in terms relationship and values was the following:
"I don't wanna get married - but if I did - there is no way I am marrying a man who thinks i'm going to be doing all that and plus coming off half my paper at the same time. WHY? What kind of deal is that."
What is untraditional and says not wanting a traditional man about that?
Traditional is what my father was - not the scenario I provided.
David_TheMan
Banned
xoxodede
Superstar
It's not completely false. I wish it was. Don't get me wrong - I know BM are taking care of their kids, married and active - many are. I only know BM and surround myself with BM like this. But, it's some out there that are not - and it has lead to issues in the community.
That is even the logic out there some men use against BW - the "Single Black mother" diss many people like to throw out there - like they chose to be raising their children alone. The whole thing about women making better choices on who they sleep with --- ignoring the role of the men and their responsibility.
On the blaming of BW - go look at those comments and let me know what you see.
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David_TheMan
Banned
There are men who are irresponsible and have children they don't see in every race, to try to claim its an issue in the black american community is false though, you know that right.
Single mothers do choose, they have the power to abort or carry the child and its a legal right a man can do nothing about, even if he wants the child. So thats just a matter of law, its the woman's choice absolutely in keeping or aborting a child. Also it is the woman's choice who she opens her legs to and has unprotected sex with, just as much as its the chump man's choice to leave his child unsupported. It isn't mutually exclusive in placing blame for bad decisions.
I don't need to look at any comments because I'm not defending any comments, I'm speaking for myself.
xoxodede
Superstar
Right, I didn't say it didn't exist in other races - but we are talking about our race -- Black. That is what this thread is about.
Sure, but those teens and women who became single mothers - usually do not have or know about having healthy boundaries and don't know what a real relationship is and what one really looks like -- and are looking for love and validation from a man. Sadly, that leads them to other damaged men who are just like them or not emotionally available and fronting like they want more.
I truly believe, that being raised without a father in the home does lead to teens having children - and becoming single mothers or fathers.
Most of those women will tell you they wanted to be with that man and were in a relationship with them. Not just out there having sex to have sex. Hence, trusting that the person she has opened her legs up too is worthy.
They make a child - it doesn't matter if she decides to keep it or not -- she had it -- therefore it is that mans responsibility to help take care of it. It is mutually exclusive. Both made their bed - and lead to a child - and now they have to take care of it and be active and present in that child's life.
That's traditional - and that is what a traditional man with traditional values does.
David_TheMan
Banned
I didn't say you said it didn't exist in other races.
I said its hard to claim its a problem when people making bad decisions exists in every race on the face of the earth since the beginning of humanity's time on earth. It isn't a black american issue, its a personal responsibility issue for the man and woman involved in poor decision making.
The same excuse you make for women I can make for the young men, but at the end of the day its a meritless excuse. Both parties have an obligation to act responsibily and if they don't they are both wrong and the cause of their problems, especially the woman since she knows she has to carry the child and a man doesn't. So its all the more reason for her to be more selective and more proactive about birth control and partner selection.
What you beleive isn't really backed by reality. The supposed fatherless black americans of the 60s and 70s, who had a higher rate of single mothers has led to lower number of single mothers and lower birth rate in total of black women for the 90s and 2000s up to a continuing decline in the 2010s. So using your own premise of current blacks being in a "problem" then reality doesn't bare out your premise. This is using your own argument by the way.
I don't care what most women will say, its irrelevant, just like its irrelevant if a guy says I love you and will be with you forever to every woman he sleeps with. As a adult you have to be responsible for your actions, stop trying to deflect and infantilize women as being actors who can't be held accountable for their choices and actions.
Not traditional at all, traditional women don't have sex til they are married, they don't sleep around and open their legs up to anyone. They get a husband build a establish security at home and then have children with their husband. So like I said off the bat, you are arguing for traditoinal values or traditional roles. You are arguing for a modern concept of women being able to sleep around and have sexual freedom, but getting mad at the result men getting sex and forgoing marriage and some women being irresponsible and having unprotected sex, getting pregnant and then complaining about the man not staying.
xoxodede
Superstar
xoxodede
Superstar
Matriarchy exists in the black community because we are a conquered group of people and the conquerors are aware that a matriarchal micro society within a larger patriarchal society will lead to a broken inner community.
I totally agree. Matriarchy started for Black people in America during slavery. Our ancestors, especially our male ancestors were sold numerous times and moved to other plantations across the South. Many times, having no choice to leave his wife/woman and his children. Same for women, but in my research it happened to our male ancestors more. For instance, in my family history two of my 3rd Great Grandfathers had children from 3+ women - they were all in surrounding counties where other plantations or smaller family farms they were sold to/transferred to.
But, in general BM tend to have a shorter life span due to being worked to death, brutal treatment/killings during Slavery and so on.
Thus women are systemically given an unnatural and completely artificial elevated position of power over men, conditioned to value said system that more reliably provides them means to an end then their men and the infrastructure/conditioning/selfishness necessary to act on their darkest emotions.
It is very unnatural. And I truly don't see it's a position BW want to hold - that's just my opinion though.
I don't agree that it was an elevated position of power. I believe it was just what had to happened when women lost their husbands/men/fathers/sons and the Black family was broken up. The one thing that was on every plantation were more women - for numerous reasons. Women who lost their husbands/mates and sons - and males would come in and out - but most of those women stay due to their children and basically low-key running the inside of the plantation - plus being midwives and doctors to the men, women and children there. Women were also breeded and those who were they usually didn't have a relationship with that male who they were forced to be with.
And it's our fault, can't blame a woman for being loyal to the ones with the most power, that's their nature.
Can you explain how BW are loyal to the ones with power? I don't get what White men are doing for BW. Not being funny, I am really trying to understand how some BM think about this topic.
We just need to understand how their nature is being weaponized and wake them up to this and I think we'll be alright in future generations. This one's fukked tho.
How would a Patriarchy system inside another White Patriarchy system would benefit the Black community?
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JahFocus CS
Get It How You Get It
Anyone whining about "matriarchy this" and "women that" is, invariably, a misogynist.
xoxodede
Superstar
Yup. Cause I really don't see how BW are doing anything that is holding back or hurting BM. I truly don't. I am in this thread trying to find out.
But, I can't get down with engaging in conversations or debating about Child support or having the option to not take care of a child they helped make.
I feel like it's a want/desire to control black women but not wanting to have fully financial support them at the same time. It's like they want control but equality when it comes down to money and HH/family financial responsibilities. As for comparing, I think many BM are thinking and trying to compare themselves to them. And they shouldn't and can't for many reasons. Not their fault either.
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David_TheMan
Banned
Interesting blanket statement.
Let me try one.
Anyone whining about "patriarchy this" and "men that" is, invariably, a misandrist.