A.V.
reTIreMEnt: THE ALBUM (01/22) ALL DSPs
Long read...worth it tho, IMO. From another thread.
Ayo true story:
So I'm locked in the hole (the jail INSIDE the jail) in the county jail, awaiting my transfer to the State Department of Corrections, and being as we're locked in our cells virtually 24 hours a day, due to disciplinary infractions, shyt gets so dead that there's nothing else to do socially, outside of talk...listen to nikkas rhyme, bang on the doors, and tell stories. So there's this cat named Chris, around 20...tall, lanky goofy square black kid wit the 96 Kobe fro, and we all goin back & forth talkin about hoes, and he breaks out this story: (I'ma tell it from his perspective)
Chris: Man...you nikkas ever fukk a handicap bytch?
Us:nikka GTFOH
Chris: Man...ayo. Back when I first joined the Navy, I was stationed in Virginia Beach...and everyone knows it's hoes out there. I was on Facebook one time, and I came across this BAD ASS bytch who use to model, named Alicia. Ol girl looked like Gabrielle Union but a little lighter. So I talk to her for a few days, she got modeling pics up and everything, and she seemed prude, but she told me she was into military guys, and eventually we graduated to phone convos. Chick ended up being mad down to earth, drama-free, and said she just liked to relax n watch movies in her free time. I'm just looking to fukk, but based off her demeanor, I'm seeing it's potential and shyt...
So a week or two goes by, and she's inviting me over to chill at her house and go out to dinner. She said she'd prefer to double date, so if I had a friend with a girl, I could bring one of my Navy homeboys. So we set everything up, and my homie & his broad were to meet us at Ruby Tuesday where we had planned to eat at. Anyways, I make to her crib the following afternoon, and she texts me and says to just walk inside, the doors unlocked. So I go inside and she's calling back to me, "I'm in here..." I walked back towards the living room where the voice was coming from, bend the corner, and I see this legless bytch lying on the fukking couch in a Vogue magazine pose! I was likeand she could see it on my face so she was like
"let me explain...come sit next to me please..." And by now I'm like fukk it, kinda feelin bad, so I figure I'll jus take the broad out to dinner since no one prolly hangs out with her anyways...leave, then forget about her forever.
So she gives me this long story about how she was an amateur model (she had the face & body to prove it at least -- minus the legs) and got into a really bad car wreck after her high school prom so she been like this ever since...she cried and shyt, and I actually felt bad. Partially cuz she was so damn badd in the face. So I say fukk it, lets go. I'll take you out to eat. And her whole face lights up. You could tell this chick was expecting rejection and had grown used to it. So I felt kind of good about takin her out, even tho it was gonna be embarrassing. So I pack her wheelchair up in the car, put her in the passenger seat, swallow my pride, and drive to Ruby Tuesday to meet my boy and her homegirl who are waiting on us.
We get there to eat, and INSTANTLY, my boy looks at me likeAnd I assume it's cuz it's as much of a surprise to him as it is to me, but not only that, I just KNEW this nikka was Mandark laughing at me on the inside & was gonna have a field day tellin the homies this shyt. Part of me wanted to leave all of them there, but the kinder part of me saw it through. So we're eating, talking at the table, and my boy sittin across from me, handicap Alicia next to me...across from his girl. Every few minutes, I'm getting texts from my boy like
"nikka u gon fukk ain't chu"........"LMAO"......."LOOK MA NO LEGS!" and all kinds of fukked up shyt, making me want to kick him in his dikk. Right around the time Alicia started noticing we were texting though, she started rubbin up against my leg...and against my wishes........my dikk was gettin hard as a MOTHERfukkER.
So we all take a check, and I tell my nikka I'ma meet him back on base. Him & his girl ride out, and it's just me & Alicia. I put her in the car, pop her wheelchair in the trunk, and ride home...the rides mostly silent cuz I'm still feeling awkward from letting a chick wit no legs rub on my dikk...So we're halfway home, and out of nowhere, she leans over, starts unzipping my pants, and puts my dikk in her mouth like it's nothing! I'm so in shock, I don't stop her and for real the shyt feel good so I'm like fukk it. She slurping and moaning and shyt, and I'm trying not to look at her legs, but I can't help myself, so I look over and almost crashed bc as her head bobs up and down, one of her fukkin nubs is bobbin up annd down against the car door and it's enough to make me fukking die from disgust and amusement at the same time...
We get to her house and I'm not even thinking about lettin her finish, I get up, and go to grab her wheelchair, and as I'm wheeling it towards her, she says, "you know, you could stay for a while...please stay..." and she looks at me wit that model face and I'm conflicted but my dikk still hard so I'm like AHHHHHH fukk it! "There's a bench under a tree in my backyard...push me back there...." is what she said, so fukk it, I did it.
The suns starting to set, and she has a secluded backyard her neighbors can't really see into, so we're sitting under the tree on the bench, and I fukk around and kiss the bytch. We're fondling eachother, and shes grabbing on my dikk again and catches me off guard when she says, "pick me up.......over there" and she points to the fukking tree. At this point, I'm in it strictly for the sake of being able to say I did it, so I pick her up and carry her like a fukking baby over to this low hanging branch of the tree. She grabs it with both arms and says, "get behind me and pull my dress up. And man.........
I fukked that bytch while she was hanging on to a tree...
And I came in her too.
Us:
Chris: So I nut and she's acting like it's the best sex of her life (really I'm thinking damn aint this bytch arms tired?) And long story short, I take her inside, out of pity, set her down on the couch....we have a few minutes of awkward convo, and say our goodbyes after I promise (lie) I'll be back for another date next weekend and tell her I'll call her tomorrow. I head out to my car feelin like Red in Friday when Deebo snatches his chain, and as I look up to roll my windows down, some big ass prison old head nikka is running towards my car (her pops!?), but I hadn't put my shyt in gear, so before I could even roll the windows up, this nikkas hand is in my passenger window like "HOLD UP YOUNG MAN". I ain't gon lie. I was scared to death...
First thing he says is "I SAW EVERYTHING." and as I'm scrambling for options, I'm thinking damn this nikka gone shoot me...if I pull off he gon light my car up tooso the only thing I can think of to diffuse the situation is pure honesty. But before I Can even get a word out, he goes, "I'm Alicias Uncle. I seen what you did to my niece. I saw the whole thing...I just wanted to run out here and thank you, because most nikkaz just leave her hanging in the tree and bounce."
Us:
Don't know how true it is, and I'm sure I didn't capture the essence and timing of how he told it, but shyt was top 5 GOAT stories I've ever heard in my entire life.
at what the uncle said
I would have too
at her knobs hitting the car door as she gave head
