Got peaches and herb reunited on repeat reflecting before I leave NY Monday. I was in Manhattan today aka cachattan aka the matrix to get a slice of heart attack pizza from prince st pizza and seeing couples and people with their children made me sad. Like damn I'm about to be 30, I'm broke...I'm on my way back to buffalo to start over. I have to start over learn new skills and get a real career now.
Art is on the back burner although I'm working with a collaborator i wont say because nothing is official yet. but as far as my real life plan. I'm on square one. I'm going to try to get my CDL and get a local job in buffalo and save my money by staying with my parents and I'm going to try to go school for welding. hopefully I can use the cert to find work down south while having the CDL driving job lined up. And hopefully the art pop off, if not its cool...at some point I have to be a man and just work 9 to 5
I put alot into art but ultimately it comes down to social circle, wealth, fitting in, compromising....I'm a poor man from buffalo from a historically poor family and I'm stubborn and have a great sense of pride. I cant compromise my art, I pour my heart and soul into it. Those images esp from my exhibition was created from alot of pain. I just cant compromise, I just cant.
NYC is a very cut throat city. All hustle with no love, no friendship, no heart, no sincerity. Its who is the last man standing. I come from small town values. I'm not a snake or a scammer. I'm a man of honor and morality.
I get depressed because I wish my life played out differently. I want a wife that love me, a whole bunch of kids. the ability to take care of my struggling family members that need a hand...I'm fukked...I don't think I'm going to have children or a wife because unfortunately due to my economic circumstances and bitter attitude its probably not even possible.
its hard starting over at such a old age....finding a single childless woman without baggage is hard. I'm going to try to pick up the pieces and just be frugal with my money and travel the world eventually...that's my long term dream. I literately don't know what to live for anymore. I'm kinda just figuring my way through trial and error, taking loses and learning the hard way.
But its time to get focus and get a real career to get my own place. real estate in buffalo is dirt cheap so if i can get a decent driving job I'm def copping a fly crib...a loft downtown or a waterfront apt or maybe Elmwood village with the fakkits, cacs and bedwenches....any way that's all I got
ps if any coli women want to have a baby I'm available. were all adults and it may seem taboo because obviously this is an unconventional approach to meeting somebody but if you're ready to have a baby and mentally and financially fit we can have one and just co parent...might sound crazy but ppl do shyt like that....just saying
Art is on the back burner although I'm working with a collaborator i wont say because nothing is official yet. but as far as my real life plan. I'm on square one. I'm going to try to get my CDL and get a local job in buffalo and save my money by staying with my parents and I'm going to try to go school for welding. hopefully I can use the cert to find work down south while having the CDL driving job lined up. And hopefully the art pop off, if not its cool...at some point I have to be a man and just work 9 to 5
I put alot into art but ultimately it comes down to social circle, wealth, fitting in, compromising....I'm a poor man from buffalo from a historically poor family and I'm stubborn and have a great sense of pride. I cant compromise my art, I pour my heart and soul into it. Those images esp from my exhibition was created from alot of pain. I just cant compromise, I just cant.
NYC is a very cut throat city. All hustle with no love, no friendship, no heart, no sincerity. Its who is the last man standing. I come from small town values. I'm not a snake or a scammer. I'm a man of honor and morality.
I get depressed because I wish my life played out differently. I want a wife that love me, a whole bunch of kids. the ability to take care of my struggling family members that need a hand...I'm fukked...I don't think I'm going to have children or a wife because unfortunately due to my economic circumstances and bitter attitude its probably not even possible.
its hard starting over at such a old age....finding a single childless woman without baggage is hard. I'm going to try to pick up the pieces and just be frugal with my money and travel the world eventually...that's my long term dream. I literately don't know what to live for anymore. I'm kinda just figuring my way through trial and error, taking loses and learning the hard way.
But its time to get focus and get a real career to get my own place. real estate in buffalo is dirt cheap so if i can get a decent driving job I'm def copping a fly crib...a loft downtown or a waterfront apt or maybe Elmwood village with the fakkits, cacs and bedwenches....any way that's all I got
ps if any coli women want to have a baby I'm available. were all adults and it may seem taboo because obviously this is an unconventional approach to meeting somebody but if you're ready to have a baby and mentally and financially fit we can have one and just co parent...might sound crazy but ppl do shyt like that....just saying
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your biological clock
my life is unconventional, my thinking is unconventional so this makes sense to me....from a person living a standard life it sound totally insane...i realize this...but from pov it makes sense
