Most facepalm-worthy phases of your life

[yo moms]

1. Peed in my step moms beer that was in the fridge.
2. The first time I got get my dikk sucked was from a crack head chick that my uncle was smoking with/boning.
3. Used to pay winos to get Wild Irish Rose from the liquor store for my mans and us.
4. Blazed my girlfirend's cousins.
5. Signed up for the army under my mans name. They came looking for him to take the test and it was a HUGE misunderstanding.
6. I peed in a chick's butt........and she loved it.
7. One day I flattened 10 cars tires on my block.
8. My and my man put the tip of our dikks on a tray full of deviled eggs one by one, because these chicks were having a lingerie party and they wouldn't let us in. They locked the door and left us nmthe kitchen with the food.
9. When I was in the 7th grade I would see my friend's mother leave from work every morning and say "sukk my dikk lady" and she would look everytime, but she never saw me and she never knew where it was coming from. My friend told me about it and it switched to, "your son sucked my dikk", every morning Mon. - Fri.



I can do this all day breh. Make it stop!

You breh?

 

[Flay Mayweather]

Let's see..

1. Hit a train conductor with a 40 bottle when I was in the 11th grade
2. Blaze my cousin's wife for a summer.
3. Tortured numerous breeds of animals.
4. Was a decorated BB gun sniper for years.
5. Shot at the cops with a .22 from a roof.
6. Loaded a dozen eggs in my mans microwave, put it on 15 minutes and sat on his stoop with him and the microwave literally exploded.
7. I called the cops on the bodega owner and said that he pulled a gun on the kids, but he didn't. The cops came and arrested him when they found an illegal gun. I did it because I was high off weed and beer, I needed the cops to be a distraction while we stole shyt from the store. We ate kinda good. Mad Little Debbie's and chips.

Brehs don't make me tell more, I can't take it! Half of my life deeds were

 

[TooLazyToMakeUp1]

You breh?

No one can make that shyt up on the fly like that

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

You breh?

Yo, I'm telling the truth. Nothing embellished. I did stupid shyt in my life. My teen life was wild, I grew up in the crack era, a lot of NYC dudes growing up in that er have stories like this, I think.

 

[yo moms]

Yo, I'm telling the truth. Nothing embellished. I did stupid shyt in my life. My teen life was wild, I grew up in the crack era, a lot of NYC dudes growing up in that er have stories like this, I think.

Oh. Well please sir can I have some more?

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

Oh. Well please sir can I have some more?

-Sprayed cat medicine in this kid's eyes while he played Mike Tyson's KO in the game room on my lock.
- took spark plugs, threw them to the ground, broke them and used the pieces to break car windows silently. Trust me , it works.
- filled socks with Neet hair removal and slapped random people in the head during Halloween.
- instigated many fights, I was the Don King of that ish.
- broke into a church with my mans and we didn't steal anything but we acted like we were having a church service for 15 minutes. We were high.
- shot at a group of dudes on the train platform because I though they were going to rob me, I was paranoid, they didn't want me. The whole train station cleared and I walked upstairs like nothing happened. I cried when I got home, I was 16.

 

[yo moms]

 

[Jesus Is Lord]

I had maaaaaaaaaaad fun though.

 

[Illuminatos]

My "hood phase" in middle school through high school.

Baggy jean shorts with designs at the back, XL black tees, sagging like a dumbass. So happy I grew out of that bullshyt.