Batsute
The Lion Choker
As someone who started playing fromsoft games with Bloodborne 
& then going back to play the Dark Souls Remaster, Elden Ring is not the fukkin masterpiece it’s made out to be. As I said before this game is a strong 7/10 and the DLC is probably a weak 6/10.
First off the world of SOTE is fukkin dead, yes there are the standard npc questlines but outside of that there’s fukkin nothing to do. The best example is literally the bottom of the map Charlo’s Hidden Grave, Cerulean Coast, & both Finger Ruins literally have nothing in them aside to progress questlines. Yes they are beautiful areas
but I have no reason to come back and this goes for the main game as well. Once you find those minor dungeons it’s over. After beating the game I start exploring the world clearing dungeons only to jump on Fextralife to realize I beat them all. 
Your only option of entertainment is NG+ and get your shyt pushed in even harder. FromSoft copied breath of the wild but ignored filling their world with shyt to do.
If you disagree then play the game without Torrent, oh that’s right you can do that in the Abyssal Woods the perfect example of boredom. One of the best legacy dungeons is probably in one of the worst biomes, and what’s worse was that Midra’s Manse was so short. Traversal of the world sucks, so much empty space and dead ends. The map for Ruah personified this, it’s literal exploration blue balls. You beat that Death Blight Dancing Lion to make it to that lone island only to discover the map isn’t there.
Then there’s the vertically of the maps. I said before Elden Ring needed more verticality and I got it with an Miyazaki level of Git Gud. Everything feels like a damn leap of faith, Elden Ring’s mechanics don’t support it and torrent was just a compromise . No climbing, rappelling, or ways to descend again seriously decrease ways you can interact with the world. This time Fromsoft copied Tears of the Kingdom with the overworld but they ignored traversal. Give me more creative ways to use spirit ashes because the majority of em are bullshyt. Let me ride that shyt eagle ash to descend.
Sticking with verticality god damn the bosses further reiterates the problem. FUKK FURNACE GOLEMS,
you literally only attack 2% of this thing’s fukkin body and you can only see half of it so you miss out on seeing if it’s going to stomp or go for the grab. You’re not rewarded for skill, youre rewarded for the RNG in your favor. You end up fighting the camera 90% of the time. Why can’t I scale Bayle for melee attacks or use a magic build to place some kind of charm on him to caste spells to chase him or let me aim my spells. It’s bullshyt they throw in these giant bosses with aggro. Dodging for 10 secs to get one hit and repeating is not fun or skill, it’s pure autism. 
The bosses in SOTE are some of the most overtuned bullshyt I’ve seen in a game, the rampant holds frames only to instant transmission into the next attack makes no sense. I cant parry, the hitboxes are bullshyt, and defense mechanics are useless unless you find the most OP gear. Then other players have the gall to say skill issue. Nikka you popped Flame Grant Me Strength, Golden Vow, Seppukku, 4 buffing talismans, Jellyfish shield, and chugged wonderous physick telling me to Git Gud.
This game literally forces you to play it only one way. Then there’s the wake-up animation you better fukkin pray that boss isn’t doing a follow up attack while you’re getting up from a hard knockdown or stunlocked cause it’s fukkin over and you gotta walk through that piss cloud of shame all over again. 
Can I beat the boss solo yes, is it fun NO. It’s only bragging rights. Going back to bloodborne anytime I fought a boss it felt like it was my mistake not some arbitrary power scaling bs in the bosses favor. Bosses like the Witch, Shadows of Yarnahm, and Micolash all had some level of problem solving that Elden Ring is severely lacking in. It’s just one grandiose attack to the another, that you better pray you can avoid.
OH shyt: I forgot about the fukkin engine. This engine needs to fukkin go. The slowdown is god awful to the point messmer was damn near unplayable. I switched modes on my ps5 and it made no difference.
The dude below sums up the boss battles perfectly.
I’ll end it with this the most fun I have when playing Elden Ring or any FromSoft game is when I’m in multiplayer. The dungeons are fun and love exploring the lore, but whatever design theory they had for this game ruined all that for me.
& then going back to play the Dark Souls Remaster, Elden Ring is not the fukkin masterpiece it’s made out to be. As I said before this game is a strong 7/10 and the DLC is probably a weak 6/10.First off the world of SOTE is fukkin dead, yes there are the standard npc questlines but outside of that there’s fukkin nothing to do. The best example is literally the bottom of the map Charlo’s Hidden Grave, Cerulean Coast, & both Finger Ruins literally have nothing in them aside to progress questlines. Yes they are beautiful areas
but I have no reason to come back and this goes for the main game as well. Once you find those minor dungeons it’s over. After beating the game I start exploring the world clearing dungeons only to jump on Fextralife to realize I beat them all. Your only option of entertainment is NG+ and get your shyt pushed in even harder. FromSoft copied breath of the wild but ignored filling their world with shyt to do.If you disagree then play the game without Torrent, oh that’s right you can do that in the Abyssal Woods the perfect example of boredom. One of the best legacy dungeons is probably in one of the worst biomes, and what’s worse was that Midra’s Manse was so short. Traversal of the world sucks, so much empty space and dead ends. The map for Ruah personified this, it’s literal exploration blue balls. You beat that Death Blight Dancing Lion to make it to that lone island only to discover the map isn’t there.
Then there’s the vertically of the maps. I said before Elden Ring needed more verticality and I got it with an Miyazaki level of Git Gud. Everything feels like a damn leap of faith, Elden Ring’s mechanics don’t support it and torrent was just a compromise . No climbing, rappelling, or ways to descend again seriously decrease ways you can interact with the world. This time Fromsoft copied Tears of the Kingdom with the overworld but they ignored traversal. Give me more creative ways to use spirit ashes because the majority of em are bullshyt. Let me ride that shyt eagle ash to descend.
Sticking with verticality god damn the bosses further reiterates the problem. FUKK FURNACE GOLEMS,
you literally only attack 2% of this thing’s fukkin body and you can only see half of it so you miss out on seeing if it’s going to stomp or go for the grab. You’re not rewarded for skill, youre rewarded for the RNG in your favor. You end up fighting the camera 90% of the time. Why can’t I scale Bayle for melee attacks or use a magic build to place some kind of charm on him to caste spells to chase him or let me aim my spells. It’s bullshyt they throw in these giant bosses with aggro. Dodging for 10 secs to get one hit and repeating is not fun or skill, it’s pure autism. The bosses in SOTE are some of the most overtuned bullshyt I’ve seen in a game, the rampant holds frames only to instant transmission into the next attack makes no sense. I cant parry, the hitboxes are bullshyt, and defense mechanics are useless unless you find the most OP gear. Then other players have the gall to say skill issue. Nikka you popped Flame Grant Me Strength, Golden Vow, Seppukku, 4 buffing talismans, Jellyfish shield, and chugged wonderous physick telling me to Git Gud.
This game literally forces you to play it only one way. Then there’s the wake-up animation you better fukkin pray that boss isn’t doing a follow up attack while you’re getting up from a hard knockdown or stunlocked cause it’s fukkin over and you gotta walk through that piss cloud of shame all over again. Can I beat the boss solo yes, is it fun NO. It’s only bragging rights. Going back to bloodborne anytime I fought a boss it felt like it was my mistake not some arbitrary power scaling bs in the bosses favor. Bosses like the Witch, Shadows of Yarnahm, and Micolash all had some level of problem solving that Elden Ring is severely lacking in. It’s just one grandiose attack to the another, that you better pray you can avoid.OH shyt: I forgot about the fukkin engine. This engine needs to fukkin go. The slowdown is god awful to the point messmer was damn near unplayable. I switched modes on my ps5 and it made no difference.
The dude below sums up the boss battles perfectly.
I’ll end it with this the most fun I have when playing Elden Ring or any FromSoft game is when I’m in multiplayer. The dungeons are fun and love exploring the lore, but whatever design theory they had for this game ruined all that for me.
. The only reason DS3 was breeze was because you wasn’t dealing with the bullshyt. You literally did a reverse No Nut November for FromSoft games.
