Ladies: have you gone to a guy's house specifically to chill?

[PlainSight]

This has been a topic of conversation on my timeline on twitter, as a young woman sadly was allegedly raped after going to a guys house and getting a bit smashed. Obviously a lot of politics involved, but I'm intrigued as to how many of you can chill around a dude and get drunk/high? Because obviously the consensus is that it's ill-advised, but I think that's unfortunate.

Like, I've done it loads of times and it's usually never lead to any kind of sex, and I don't make a habit of smashing drunk girls either . But I've known dudes to have done the same thing and gotten clowned because they "didn't beat" and the word friendzone's been used before too.

In lieu of that, it must surely be difficult to have that kind of platonic male company without the underlying thought in the back of your mind that anything can happen. Just wanted to hear some of your experiences on it really.

 

[The Mad Titan]

This is a great question, do yall really go over with ONLY the intention of chillin... or do yall plan to chill but in the back of your head you thinking....if sex happens

 

[Elle Driver]

Well the whole chilling thing has snow balled into something else for the kids of today. When I was growing up it literally meant TO CHILL. Also, I would only get shyt faced around someone who I would consider my best friend. I just couldn't be that vulnerable around anybody, not an acquaintance or someone I wouldn't call for anything because people will take advantage of that and I want to be able to be coherent at all times and alert.

You really can't be platonic with males. It's almost impossible unless he's gay or his eyes are elsewhere.

 

[The Mad Titan]

Well the whole chilling thing has snow balled into something else for the kids of today. When I was growing up it literally meant TO CHILL. Also, I would only get shyt faced around someone who I would consider my best friend. I just couldn't be that vulnerable around anybody, not an acquaintance or someone I wouldn't call for anything because people will take advantage of that and I want to be able to be coherent at all times and alert.

You really can't be platonic with males. It's almost impossible unless he's gay or his eyes are elsewhere.

I agree with all of this....


It use to be a time when chillin actually just meant that.


Now if someone wants of the opposite sex wants to come over and chill

 

[PlainSight]

Well the whole chilling thing has snow balled into something else for the kids of today. When I was growing up it literally meant TO CHILL. Also, I would only get shyt faced around someone who I would consider my best friend. I just couldn't be that vulnerable around anybody, not an acquaintance or someone I wouldn't call for anything because people will take advantage of that and I want to be able to be coherent at all times and alert.

You really can't be platonic with males. It's almost impossible unless he's gay or his eyes are elsewhere.

I can understand that. I think that physical vulnerability is a very visceral threat so it's perfectly understandable. There are probably girls that don't seem to have that worry though, until a situation arises where it is too late.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the last sentence, as I have no problem maintaining a platonic friendship regardless of anything else. I've chilled around girls and gotten smashed before but nothing has happened. But at the same time, I again understand it because I'm just one dude so you can't just take my word for it when there are others who you don't know or trust.

 

[miranda]

I don't have male friends that I chill with. If I was drinking with men it would be my family members.
If I accept an invitation into a man's home, I'm planning on sex happening.

 

[WhoShotCha]

I do agree with the above statement that "chilling" has took on a whole new connotation, and almost solely revolves around tryna smash. However I do disagree with the notion that it's almost impossible to "chill"platonically with the opposite sex. I got plenty of fiends that are broads that come through and chop it up and chill with me and it's no different than if it were my homeboys. But again the phrase has been b*stardized to the degree that you can't casually ask a woman to chill and her not assume there's an sexual agenda behind it.

 

[Elle Driver]

I can understand that. I think that physical vulnerability is a very visceral threat so it's perfectly understandable. There are probably girls that don't seem to have that worry though, until a situation arises where it is too late.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the last sentence, as I have no problem maintaining a platonic friendship regardless of anything else. I've chilled around girls and gotten smashed before but nothing has happened. But at the same time, I again understand it because I'm just one dude so you can't just take my word for it when there are others who you don't know or trust.

There's a certain attraction level between a heterosexual man and woman, even if they are friends. They can easily violate their friendship if they wanted to. Men are like you are few and far between.

 

[wet landscapes]

hell yeah, those were good times. Playin vidya, pregaming, cooking and chiefing
I can't even imagine being betrayed like that

 

[The Mad Titan]

I think if there is any sexual attraction at all, friends of the opposite sex are just ticking time bombs if they are just friends and want it to stay that way. However if neither is really attracted to the other then sure.

 

[PlainSight]

There's a certain attraction level between a heterosexual man and woman, even if they are friends. They can easily violate their friendship if they wanted to. Men are like you are few and far between.

Sexual tension is a motherfukker

 

[Fun Sized Psycho]

I've gone to guys houses plenty of times with the intent of chilling, and that was all we did. HOWEVER, I don't drink or smoke.
I did go to a "friends" place earlier this year, and he TRIED to have sex with me. He was drinking but I wasn't. Had I been drinking I may have ended up having sex when I didn't want to. But I had to drive home (45minutes) and I had to work the next morning, so I wasn't going to drink anything alcoholic.

When my bf & I first started dating, we hung out and I spent the night at his place and nothing sexual happened.

eta: most of the guys I've chilled with were guys that I was talking to/getting to know.

 

[SouthernBelle]

This is a great question, do yall really go over with ONLY the intention of chillin... or do yall plan to chill but in the back of your head you thinking....if sex happens

The first time I went to someone's place to chill, I was under the impress that we were literally just going to hangout/chill. I was 22 and the guy that I planned to chill with was someone that I saw on a weekly basis through our free poker league. Everything was cool until he suddenly wanted to give me a massage and go back to his room. I left immediately.

We were still cool/friendly when we saw each other at poker, but he never tried to chill with me again.

I made it clear to ever guy after that situation that I am not down to fukk so if that is why you want to chill then you are wasting your time. In the two years that I lived in ATL, I only "chilled" with two other guys besides the poker guy and didn't sleep with either of them (but they knew the deal and didn't even try).

Women need to learn to not be so accommodating (especially early on when you don't know the guy's intentions).

Women also need to learn to stand their ground, not be afraid to say what they are not willing to do, and not be afraid of losing out on a guy/guy friend because they aren't loose.

 

[M'gann]

I fell for the "come over and chill" line once when I was younger. Thought dude really wanted to chill then when I realized what he really wanted I just left. So no I don't "chill" over a man's house who I have no intention of sleeping with.

 

[Rocket Scientist]

I fell for the "come over and chill" line once when I was younger. Thought dude really wanted to chill then when I realized what he really wanted I just left. So no I don't "chill" over a man's house who I have no intention of sleeping with.

You go girl