can i say something bro?
see noone knows whats going on here 100percent right? I have been diying physically since 2014. I got real sick in
2014 with ocd, i call it, but it's some form of rare sickness,lol ok we got that,, I will describe very quick not
to much into detail in a bit. But for fukking 14 fukking known years they been fukking baking my fukking head with
complete fukkaery. I mean son i been locked up atleast 40 times in the wards. Run in with fukking cops. how many
times i had to go to fukking court? i had to go for a whole year every month one time, not to bad..And everytime
they where following me in my fukking head.LOL(NOT THIS AGAIN), i see yall.. anyways, they just could not leave a
nikka alone these black hearted angels.. Most people did hardly nothing. Just their playing God on me tho got to be
so much for 14 fukking years. I mean when they would line up my ocd to get me to go into ocd mode.. I would go into
7,8, 9 month ocd moments. It was fukking crazy like 3 or 4 years before 2014 i came off a fukking 7 month black
people ocd where it was non stop ocd, but not as bad as my last one that fukked me up, which was different. But it
was compulsive thought, bang intrusive thoguhts, Repeat non stop for fukking 7 months in different modes of fast to
slow. Then at times i would go into compulsive thoughts for like hours. see right now they fukking with my
computer.lol.
So much to explain. They would break my harddrives i dont know how many fukking times, i would get
broken shyt from ebay. it's some small stuff.. But everything adds up is my point. Well in 2014 they did it again
with god ocd. But i dont blame everything on them it kind of just had to happen that way as well. So i got sick in
the begining of 2014 with god ocd. Then i said i was going to do this that and this and got out of it after 2
months. fukking crazy.. i got out of it like in 4 days after 2 months..lol.. Then they hit me with god ocd in my
house again after like 2 months. we rent two apartments by the side of our houses. So my family and these people
who would come outside when i sit outside and would line shyt up. I dont wanna put my familys business out there
and that of the people i met threw out my life, cus i got love for all of them. but this is the story. I mean shyt
they where in my ear back then. Every fukking move i made son these angels where at my neck. Thanks god, I heard
them drown out. You could hear their voice just disappear out of my head slowly. So i got god ocd for like 8,9
months to the fukking point i was getting so sick from my brain getting hit all day every day. And all the fukking
illusion, paranoia, depression, made me lose like 40 pounds.. I could not function without trying to get out of it
like at the begining.
So in the fukking middle i could not take it no more all the smoking i was doing was hurting
me, smoking cigs, no good son. So i said to myself fukk it i'm going to quit cold fukking turkey. Bam that gave me
major deprssion for awhile till i got out of it. I was reading people can go at times 6 months with deprssion after
quiting smoking. Son i was not doing no regular smoking either. I was a chain smoker i could not smoke less then
two cigs back to back. In a day i would smoke at times one box in about 3 hours, 20 in a roll. Then smoke another
box at times regular like 3 till 5 at a time the rest of the day. That was my max at times.. I would go to
walgreens and buy 30 boxs of cigs for the month for like 170 bucks. So 3 10 box packs. But i had to always get some
money from somewhere to buy more towards the 20 something.lol Anyways son, like in feb 2015 i got out of it. So
after all the crazy shyt that went on in my house between that time i was never sleeping well man. I had problems
with my sleeping habits since i was 16 i started smoking weed at 15. I'm not sure if that has maybe something to do
with it. So you know there was a lot late night ocd moments. ahhhhhhhh;lol.. These people are probably sayin see
what i sayin, now.lol. I'm not like this at home tho, i complain at times but you know. Seems like i'm complaining
a lot but i really dont give a fukk, i just want people to take a glimpse into my world you know. And to clarify
yeah i was been crazy, things have not changed.lol.
So when i finally got out of it i was trying to go to sleep at 7 and could not get up till 12 pm. If i would get up before my
body would just die on me. I had to learn to change all that. It just happen by itself really. My body was mad weak
and i was spitting blood at times out of my mouth, not to much but you know. So i just started staying up longer
by eating fukking food at night, i can't fukking help it. I got a whole lot of problems with my stomach and eating as
yall know. That shyt right there is the worst. If i eat i can't sleep at night without waking up with bad dreams.
Not really nightmares or nothing just unpleasant dreams. This is what got me fukked up as well. I sleep one
day then the next i dont. Cycles man, it's wild. And thats where i'm at now. Like i said i wrote this so you can see
what i have to deal with so if i'm not coming off to tight in my head peice, know i been here with this doing what
i have to do for all my brothers and sisters.
