This is what I think about this episode:
So as we last left Impact Wrestling we found that AJ Styles will not be getting that 18 year child support contract, Tara and Tessmacher in a fantasy Brazzers lesbian angle, and we seen 1,000 Aces and Eights members battle the 300 TNA Spartas with Austin Aries being a casulty of war. Wonder if Sting will FOOLISHLY invite them back again, then again they will just walk through the door when they want to as usual. Highlights of last week's brawl, some of those wrestlers got more screen time last week then anytime this year. The Greatest Man That Ever Lived Austin Aries comes out with a cast on and unlike Cowby Bob Orton I think Aries is actually hurt, and unlike HHH with his "broken arm" we actually care do about Aries. Aries claiming that he's not medically cleared but he's a south paw so a broken right hand won't faze him and he wants revenge. The Old Dogs named Ho Kogan and Sting comes out baseball bats in hands with Hoegan reclaiming for the 9th time his general manager role. Hoegan tells Aries he can have anything he wants and Aries wants to brawl with a Aces and Eights member. Aces and Eights on the Dixietron drinking beer with their masks on (how the hell they are doing that?) claiming that ONCE AGAIN they will be at the Impact Zone.
ODB is once again backstage wondering where the hell is Eric Young? ODB looks like she would be the type of down ass bytch that would give you head in the restroom at Popeye's Chicken. ODB been Knockouts Tag Team champion for like the past 5 months and not defended her belt at all, she'll be at the pawn shop to sell that belt soon. Good Lawd the traditional slow pan-ups of Christie Hemme is godly, even that faq Taz on commentary agrees. Now we are at the final stretch of the BFG Series, this match between James Storm vs Rob Van Dam apparently Rob needs to win either this match or his last match meanwhile Storm is at the top spot so he really don't have to worry about winning or losing. Damn it looked like RVD legit kicked Storm in the mouth.... jesus I swear RVD sells DDTs or any drops to his head the best... Dolph a close second. Damn, RVD goes for a rolling monkey flip to the corner but Storm his his Sweet Chin Last Call Music kick to the chest for the win. Storm stays first place so RVD needs to win his last match to qualify in the Final Four.
Time for a knockouts match with the Killer Queen Madison Rayne coming to the ring with ECW Tiffany already in the ring to referee. Madison apparently is getting her Knockouts Championship rematch tonight, but the Ol' Dirty bytch comes out instead. Apparently Madam Brooke Hogan at home still shooked from the Aces and Eights attacks playing phone tag calling ODB claiming that ODB vs Madison will happen tonight instead. Damn, ODB spitting her Wild Turkey in Madison's eyes then proceeds to beat Madison in 30 seconds. Oh Snap the return of Animal Planet star Crazy Eric Young comes down with KFC Chicken and a mini-beer keg in hands. The fans love Eric which makes it a damn shame TNA doesn't use him. Eric going Hollywood on everyone but ODB don't like the new Eric Young wearing the classic Chris Jericho heel suit... so as usual EY strips down to his draws like a drunk homeless man or Ric Flair (both are one in the same lately) Highlights of the worst storyline of the year starring AJ Styles and Clair Lynch... just a disaster.
Backstage meeting of the Gut Check judges just udderly disgusted with Kris Lewie's performance. Personally I think they need to stop these Gut Check challenges, if they give this slob a contract I'll be upset. backstage Sting and Hoegan talking... I need Hoegan to growl and bark again. Kaz and Daniels walk in Hulk's office telling them that they got iron clad contracts so they can't get fired but Hoegan looks like he wants to beat the hell out the both of them... damn Hogan looks pissed and Sting is just a jackass. Damn Christie Hemme's legs can get covered with chicken greasse and licked off (damn now I want some chicken and beer), now it's time for a BFG Series Match between Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles. Joe got enough points to be in 2nd place but AJ needs to win this match since he's currently in 5th place. Styles looking like he's having a seizure after Joe kicked him in the chest and the crowd loves Joe. AJ hits the PELE Kick to the arm that Magnus hit with a chair sometime ago and he goes for a armbar but barely escapes. Joe goes for the Real Naked Choke but AJ counters with an armbar but Joe counter's it for a 7 point pin. Joe stays at 2nd place but guarentees a spot in Final Four... good match.
In the ring now is Jeremy Borash and the Gut Check judges to judge Kris Lewie. As I said earlier last week his match was aweful which is a shame since he has the best backstory and TNA even had the nerve to put Kris' wife and kids in the front row. Taz votes... no. Bruce "Brother Love" Prichard votes... no. They not even going to ask Al Snow for his vote Kris Lewie is done and his wife looks sad. OH shyt JOEY RYAN HAS RETURN WITH JIMMY HART'S MEGAPHONE THROWING WATER IN AL SNOW'S FACE! Snow chases after his ass, there must be a side door that everyone is comming through or this is just a set up for an upcoming Al Snow vs Joey Ryan match at Bound For Glory... now that I think about it is this TNA's version of CM Punk vs Jerry Lawler?
Backstage in Ho Kogan's office with Sting and Joseph Park trying to offer his legal services to help aid against the Aces and Eights attacks... kay-fab! Bellator fighters sitting in the audience, none of them are putting up the middle finger in the camera like other certain celebrities. Time for a BFG Series Match between everyone's favorite drug addict Jeff Hardy vs the-coli's favorite drug addict Kurt Angle, the winner of this match will still have a shot to make the Final Four and the loser of this match is eliminated from the tournament so it's do or die. I remember before the horrible "THEY ARE COMMING AT 10-10-10!" storyline both Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle had a bunch of incredible series of matches before Jeff transformed into the "Anti-Christ of Wrestling" one of the most illest wrestling heels of all time. This match is heatrocks with Angle taking off his straps like a man (unlike Lawler's slow striptease) getting crunk as hell. Swanton Bomb... DAMNN that was a close 2 count. Another Swanton Bomb... this time he gets the three count for the 7 points. A hell of a main event, Angle is eliminated from the tournament and Kurt looks kinda emotional about it.
So Jeremy Borash names the final 5 men in the tournament: Hardy, Joe, RVD, Bully Ray and James Storm and they all come to the ring. Next week the Final Four of these 5 men will be decided and qualify to go to the finals at No Surrender with the last two BFG Series matches next week. A commercial break later A-Double comes back down to the ring to make good on the threats he made at the beginning of the show. Sting, Hoegan and the TNA roster comes out on stage to have Austin's back and have another violent brawl like last week. Oh shyt there they come through the crowd through the same door Joey Ryan came through earlier ready for another gang brawl. Aces and Eights sends one of their guys to face Aries alone. The gang member is bigger than Aries but Aries hold his own... now here come everyone else and we got another damn arena brawl. Aries tries to take the mask off the gang member but another dude who had no mask put on a mask then hit Aries a flapjack "Stevie Ray" style and knocks Aries the hell out with snot in his nose. Once again Aces and Eights for the second week in a row injures Aries then dips out... what the hell does this mean? And why are they showing Marine 2 starring Ted DiBiase Jr... have they run out of Steve Austin and The Rock movies to show after Impact is over? Whatever... I'm gonna look at dem Lady Gaga booty pictures that's been floating around lately, see ya next week.
So as we last left Impact Wrestling we found that AJ Styles will not be getting that 18 year child support contract, Tara and Tessmacher in a fantasy Brazzers lesbian angle, and we seen 1,000 Aces and Eights members battle the 300 TNA Spartas with Austin Aries being a casulty of war. Wonder if Sting will FOOLISHLY invite them back again, then again they will just walk through the door when they want to as usual. Highlights of last week's brawl, some of those wrestlers got more screen time last week then anytime this year. The Greatest Man That Ever Lived Austin Aries comes out with a cast on and unlike Cowby Bob Orton I think Aries is actually hurt, and unlike HHH with his "broken arm" we actually care do about Aries. Aries claiming that he's not medically cleared but he's a south paw so a broken right hand won't faze him and he wants revenge. The Old Dogs named Ho Kogan and Sting comes out baseball bats in hands with Hoegan reclaiming for the 9th time his general manager role. Hoegan tells Aries he can have anything he wants and Aries wants to brawl with a Aces and Eights member. Aces and Eights on the Dixietron drinking beer with their masks on (how the hell they are doing that?) claiming that ONCE AGAIN they will be at the Impact Zone.
ODB is once again backstage wondering where the hell is Eric Young? ODB looks like she would be the type of down ass bytch that would give you head in the restroom at Popeye's Chicken. ODB been Knockouts Tag Team champion for like the past 5 months and not defended her belt at all, she'll be at the pawn shop to sell that belt soon. Good Lawd the traditional slow pan-ups of Christie Hemme is godly, even that faq Taz on commentary agrees. Now we are at the final stretch of the BFG Series, this match between James Storm vs Rob Van Dam apparently Rob needs to win either this match or his last match meanwhile Storm is at the top spot so he really don't have to worry about winning or losing. Damn it looked like RVD legit kicked Storm in the mouth.... jesus I swear RVD sells DDTs or any drops to his head the best... Dolph a close second. Damn, RVD goes for a rolling monkey flip to the corner but Storm his his Sweet Chin Last Call Music kick to the chest for the win. Storm stays first place so RVD needs to win his last match to qualify in the Final Four.
Time for a knockouts match with the Killer Queen Madison Rayne coming to the ring with ECW Tiffany already in the ring to referee. Madison apparently is getting her Knockouts Championship rematch tonight, but the Ol' Dirty bytch comes out instead. Apparently Madam Brooke Hogan at home still shooked from the Aces and Eights attacks playing phone tag calling ODB claiming that ODB vs Madison will happen tonight instead. Damn, ODB spitting her Wild Turkey in Madison's eyes then proceeds to beat Madison in 30 seconds. Oh Snap the return of Animal Planet star Crazy Eric Young comes down with KFC Chicken and a mini-beer keg in hands. The fans love Eric which makes it a damn shame TNA doesn't use him. Eric going Hollywood on everyone but ODB don't like the new Eric Young wearing the classic Chris Jericho heel suit... so as usual EY strips down to his draws like a drunk homeless man or Ric Flair (both are one in the same lately) Highlights of the worst storyline of the year starring AJ Styles and Clair Lynch... just a disaster.
Backstage meeting of the Gut Check judges just udderly disgusted with Kris Lewie's performance. Personally I think they need to stop these Gut Check challenges, if they give this slob a contract I'll be upset. backstage Sting and Hoegan talking... I need Hoegan to growl and bark again. Kaz and Daniels walk in Hulk's office telling them that they got iron clad contracts so they can't get fired but Hoegan looks like he wants to beat the hell out the both of them... damn Hogan looks pissed and Sting is just a jackass. Damn Christie Hemme's legs can get covered with chicken greasse and licked off (damn now I want some chicken and beer), now it's time for a BFG Series Match between Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles. Joe got enough points to be in 2nd place but AJ needs to win this match since he's currently in 5th place. Styles looking like he's having a seizure after Joe kicked him in the chest and the crowd loves Joe. AJ hits the PELE Kick to the arm that Magnus hit with a chair sometime ago and he goes for a armbar but barely escapes. Joe goes for the Real Naked Choke but AJ counters with an armbar but Joe counter's it for a 7 point pin. Joe stays at 2nd place but guarentees a spot in Final Four... good match.
In the ring now is Jeremy Borash and the Gut Check judges to judge Kris Lewie. As I said earlier last week his match was aweful which is a shame since he has the best backstory and TNA even had the nerve to put Kris' wife and kids in the front row. Taz votes... no. Bruce "Brother Love" Prichard votes... no. They not even going to ask Al Snow for his vote Kris Lewie is done and his wife looks sad. OH shyt JOEY RYAN HAS RETURN WITH JIMMY HART'S MEGAPHONE THROWING WATER IN AL SNOW'S FACE! Snow chases after his ass, there must be a side door that everyone is comming through or this is just a set up for an upcoming Al Snow vs Joey Ryan match at Bound For Glory... now that I think about it is this TNA's version of CM Punk vs Jerry Lawler?
Backstage in Ho Kogan's office with Sting and Joseph Park trying to offer his legal services to help aid against the Aces and Eights attacks... kay-fab! Bellator fighters sitting in the audience, none of them are putting up the middle finger in the camera like other certain celebrities. Time for a BFG Series Match between everyone's favorite drug addict Jeff Hardy vs the-coli's favorite drug addict Kurt Angle, the winner of this match will still have a shot to make the Final Four and the loser of this match is eliminated from the tournament so it's do or die. I remember before the horrible "THEY ARE COMMING AT 10-10-10!" storyline both Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle had a bunch of incredible series of matches before Jeff transformed into the "Anti-Christ of Wrestling" one of the most illest wrestling heels of all time. This match is heatrocks with Angle taking off his straps like a man (unlike Lawler's slow striptease) getting crunk as hell. Swanton Bomb... DAMNN that was a close 2 count. Another Swanton Bomb... this time he gets the three count for the 7 points. A hell of a main event, Angle is eliminated from the tournament and Kurt looks kinda emotional about it.
So Jeremy Borash names the final 5 men in the tournament: Hardy, Joe, RVD, Bully Ray and James Storm and they all come to the ring. Next week the Final Four of these 5 men will be decided and qualify to go to the finals at No Surrender with the last two BFG Series matches next week. A commercial break later A-Double comes back down to the ring to make good on the threats he made at the beginning of the show. Sting, Hoegan and the TNA roster comes out on stage to have Austin's back and have another violent brawl like last week. Oh shyt there they come through the crowd through the same door Joey Ryan came through earlier ready for another gang brawl. Aces and Eights sends one of their guys to face Aries alone. The gang member is bigger than Aries but Aries hold his own... now here come everyone else and we got another damn arena brawl. Aries tries to take the mask off the gang member but another dude who had no mask put on a mask then hit Aries a flapjack "Stevie Ray" style and knocks Aries the hell out with snot in his nose. Once again Aces and Eights for the second week in a row injures Aries then dips out... what the hell does this mean? And why are they showing Marine 2 starring Ted DiBiase Jr... have they run out of Steve Austin and The Rock movies to show after Impact is over? Whatever... I'm gonna look at dem Lady Gaga booty pictures that's been floating around lately, see ya next week.
Good recap, agree with the match opinions and how you said Hardy was a great heel until he...
(well you know) 
at that last part.
out to pasture.
