You should've have just cried. Crying can be cathartic. What did you gain from holding it in? Probably nothing
No need to apologize for how you feel. However you feel is okay just gotta rememeber to take it day by day. Say you are a loser. Did it take you one day to get there(being a loser)? No. So its not reasonable to think that you'll change your life dramatically quickly, in just a few months. Accept where you are and grind. Setting unreasonable expectations for yourself isnt helping you any I'm sure.