okay... this is going to be a difficult post but fukk it, i'm going to say it
ladies and gentlemen, i'm gay. no bullshyt, i am gay. GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY.
well, i know by saying that, i pretty much have changed the way people view me as a person and i pretty much will see if people who associate me or really love me or have my back will stand by me or burn their bridges away from me.
let me say this in regards to this though. this has been eating me alive for years. the story behind this is long and since i have some time, i'll speak on it since it's something that i think should be explained in it's entirety for myself and those around me who might know me in some shape or form but might not understand.
okay, just imagine yourself like this. you're a kid. you grow up going to kindergarden, trying to understand the world around you where you try to intergrate with everyone else being who you are and ending up getting rejected by tons of other kids that are around your age. they treat you badly and you don't know why. you also have adults that treat you the same way. you also come home to the household that you've gotten used to. you see your mother, you see your father, and you see your brother. you get used to a certain type of life. at the same time, you're getting used to the world around you that you see. you're taking everything in and at the same time, understanding youself. you watch the tv and you see tv shows like wild and crazy kids with omar gooding, donnie jeffcoat and jessica gaines. you also watch shows like darkwing duck and disney in the afternoon. soon, your brain starts running wild where you realize that you can use your imagination to get a bit up close with these people that you love and are interested in. you soon begin to wonder what it's like to live as darkwing duck or what it's like to spend time with the host of wild and crazy kids. soon you start to start to feel a certain way about these people where you want to get closer to them than just watching them on a tv show. there's something about them that makes you feel a certain way inside that you just can't put your finger onto. soon, you start to realize that it's just one or two people that make you feel like that. not the whole cast of wild and crazy kids. you start to focus on the guys instead of the girls. you try to do the same thing with the girls BUT there's something in you that doesn't feel right about it to the point where you start to feel odd and sad in comparison to the guys on the show.
so you start fantasizing about being really close to these guys where you want to hug them and spend time with them. over time, you realize that it's not just those guys on the tv but guys on the street as well. you go to virginia beach with your family on vacation and you see this random nice guy who just catches your attention. he's way older than you in his 20s but you feel a certain way about him just like how you felt about the host on that wild and crazy kids tv show. you start to fantasize about him and you want to see him everyday that you're there. you start to like him in an affectionate way. it feels good but you don't have a clue what it is or realize that what you're doing is a crush and that it's not okay for a guy to like another guy like that. you have no idea. you also don't feel that way towards girls at all. just guys.
to top it off, you're acting a certain way too. you start to realize that you're not like the other boys your age. you're not interested in sports like how your birthday is. you walk kind of feminine like. you start to do cheerleading dances instead of shooting basketball in your neighbors yard when you were all cool. you still play with toy trucks, are into power rangers and all BUT you act sort of like bizzy bone instead of wish bone. alright.. if you haven't gotten tired yet, you're following me as i say this, i hope because i'm trying to make you get the message of what i'm saying..
so after awhile, you feel like that BUT then you watch the tv and you see men and women kissing and getting affectionate, you also see boys and girls flirting around and etc. you don't see anything about guys and guys and girls and girls or anything like that. just men and women doing that. you start to realize that that's the norm and everything outside of that is labeled as weird. you soon start to realize that people that do that stuff are not viewed as normal and there's words for people that are like that such as the f-word and etc. of course, you don't think that applies to you because as a kid, you don't realize that being like that in society is the worst thing you can be. you start to flirt with girls because that's what boys are supposed to do.
you then start touching yourself as in tickling your arms, your stomach, your legs, and your ass and you start to like it. you then look at the book where you're learning your english lessons from in the 3rd grade and you see some girl and some boy on two seperate diving boards ready to jump into a pool. for some reason, there's something about that picture that makes your heart race and makes you want to touch your dikk. so you figure out hey.. let me hump myself against the floor and get off to this picture. you get off to it and soon, you're a full time masturbator masturbating to everything that you become excited to.
but as time goes by, you get into a groove, you masturbate, you have crushes on guys, you flirt with girls and etc because that's what is deemed to be the thing for boys to do and you just do what you do. some people notice that something is off about you so they ask you questions if you're gay or not. you're like gay, NAW, i'm not gay. as i've said on the top, you know what gay is but you don't realize the things that you're doing is gay such as guy crushes, masturbating to guys and etc. you are a gay guy BUT you don't realize it yet.
so one thing, you're doing one of your little normal behaviors which happens to be masturbating to a magazine ad full of guys and at that moment, that second where you're about 4 humps into masturbating, you're like HOLY shyt, I THINK I'M GAY. I'M GAY. OH MY fukkING GOD, I'M GAY. i'm masturbating to a guy, i actually have a crush on a guy, i act very effeminate, i relate to the girls more so than the guys even though i enjoy wrestling, doing guy activities and things that little boys do. I'M GAY.
Is this true, someone confirm this for me
nothing wrong with being gay 
