Help please

Hiphoplives4eva

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black love, unity, and music
May I suggest getting into lifting weights. The feeling you get after working out, seeing your body change, and the looks from women and envy from the :flabbynsick:are :wow:

The Gym
This @Ciggavelli Please consider smoking weed, working out, having sex, and taking vacations to relax. And it sucks you're so miserable at your job, but try and listen to the COWS podcast. Its will help you deal with the stress of working a corporate job as a black man.

But whatever you do please stay up. You're a special poster and im sure a special person. Don't let the bullshyt from life (cac coworkers, women, bullshyt, etc) get you down.
 

Ciggavelli

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This @Ciggavelli Please consider smoking weed, working out, having sex, and taking vacations to relax. And it sucks you're so miserable at your job, but try and listen to the COWS podcast. Its will help you deal with the stress of working a corporate job as a black man.

But whatever you do please stay up. You're a special poster and im sure a special person. Don't let the bullshyt from life (cac coworkers, women, bullshyt, etc) get you down.
Thanks man. I'll try that shyt out. :salute:
 

Ciggavelli

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....Continued Part 3

Well, I got accepted to a variety of schools, but I decided to go to ASU for my PhD, as they were the best school to go to for what I wanted to study. Plus, I had never lived in the desert before, and the Phoenix area seemed cool. It was an adventure. I wanted to connect with my past and decided to grow out my hair, so it was long again (I dunno why that is important for me to include in this post, but it is :manny:).

I sold my ninja 500, packed up everything in my car, and drove the long trip from CT to AZ. I got to Phoenix and immediately bought a new bike. Like the second day I was in AZ, I bought a new bike (AZ is amazing for motorcycles). :dead:. I got a Ninja 650cc. I didn't know a damn person in Phoenix, and it was 115 outside, so I was in a bit of a shock. I decided to stay outside for as long as I could to acclimate myself to Phoenix temps (and that actually worked :leon:).

Heather and I decided to break up, as she wanted to get married, and I did not. I was a single man in Tempe, AZ (where ASU is located), and there were so many goddamn, hot as hell, girls to choose from. I played the field for the next 2 years, and it was pretty nice :obama:. I worked for the Office of Naval Research, DARPA, MIT, and taught as well during my time at ASU. Also, ASU is a party school, and I was drinking like crazy (shout out to Mill Rd. :salute:), and had a pretty bad weed problem (I smoked all day, everyday). I'd put myself in the very heavy drinker category. I wasn't waking up with DTs or anything, and I could take a few days off without drinking at all, but I would drink like 4 nights a week. There are so many cool places to party in the area. It was a great time.

Anyway, year 3 hit, and I met a cool girl named Lisa (who was a first year PhD student I met at a restaurant). We started dating, and would continue to date for the next 4 years). She was smart, dark hair and pale skin (which I like), pretty, and philosophical. I dunno why, but I was immediately attracted to her the second I saw here. I told my friend, yo, I'm gonna be with that girl. I walked up to her and just started talking (which is something I rarely do. I normally let girls come to me. I'm a fairly attractive guy, no brag, so I got lazy and just fukked whatever came into my lap).

Well, a bunch of shyt happened during my 4th year of my PhD program. I can't say what on here, as one could easily figure out my identity if I wrote about what happened, but it was very traumatic. I then moved to Chicago and continued to date Lisa. Drinking and smoking weed was getting old at the time, and it was making me sick to drink with the new bi-polar meds I was on, so I decided to quit drinking and smoking. It actually worked for the next 3 years. Nothing of importance really happened in Chi, in regard to my story as an addict, but long story short, I hated my job, my bi-polar condition got worse, and Lisa couldn't take my very acute mood swings. She left me, and that was the girl I thought I was gonna marry :to:. I was such a bad boyfriend with her. I wish she'd talk to me now, so that I could apologize to her. Oh well, but it hurts :mjcry:

I then moved to DC with a new job. I had been drinking a like a 6-pack a night most nights of the week, and started to drink at noon for a bit, and then I started to drink in the morning too. I knew I had a problem at this time, but I kept doing it. I told myself, I will cut back. That didn't work...:dead:. My drinking got worse and worse, and I was chugging beer in the morning before work, at lunch time, and then all night. I then met this crazy girl in a bar in Arlington. She was tall, pretty, and interesting to talk to. She was from Kenya, and we talked about what it was like to move around a lot. She turned out to be a big alcoholic, and we hung out almost every day, drank and fukked, and just got fukked up. She had DTs in the morning, but luckily I did not. Anyway, nothing of importance really happened in DC either. My drinking got worse and worse.

Fast forward, I moved to Houston, and I was very depressed, suicidal, and had a bad drinking problem. I went to a psychiatrist, and told her I had a bad drinking problem, and I was seriously considering killing myself, by taking a bunch of pills, chugging a bunch of liquor, and driving my car off a bridge). She immediately sent me to a psych ward. When I was at this psych ward, which is a terrible place to be, the detoxed me off of alcohol. I was also taking a bunch of klonopin daily, and they detoxed me off that too. Benzo detox is like the worst detox ever. I felt like shyt. I was shaking, my nerves were burning, etc., etc. (it actually took me several months to get back to normal). Then, Hurricane Harvey hit, I was evacuated outta my place, all while still detoxing off klonopin. shyt was bad brehs, but I don't have the time to write about it here, but needless to say, I could easily write 5 pages of notes from the Harvey shyt.

I started my new job, and I was sober. However, I was getting very anxious, as I wasn't on klonopin anymore (I have a generalized anxiety disorder), and started to drink again to calm my nerves. That went from a few shots after work, to shots in the morning, shots at lunch time, and then shots all day. I had crossed that threshold, and became a full-fledged alcoholic. I tried to cut back, but had serious DTs, where my hands were shaking so bad, I could barely sign my name. shyt got bad, brehs. I realized I couldn't stop this shyt on my own, and checked myself into the rehab facility I'm at now. It's a 90 day program, and I'm a third done. Hopefully it will work out. I'm actually learning life skill here, going to AA meeting multiple times each day, and I really am taking this shyt seriously. I don't want to get that bad again. fukk drugs and alcohol :pacspit:.

Anyway, thanks for letting me tell my story. I'd love it if others shared their life story on here as well. I intend to have an AMA on rehab in the TRL when I get out, but if any other coli posters have an addiction problem, and want to talk about it, write about it here, or PM me.
 

Ciggavelli

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I got home, and it feels great. :blessed:

I had my bro take all the liquor outta my place a few weeks ago. He found my hash oil marijuana vape cartridges too. I didn’t ask him to take my weed away :mjcry:

It’s probably for the best though. Weed might trigger me and make me want to drink. So I guess, thanks bro :ld:

The goddamn internet is out in my area :snoop:

I was looking forward to updating my steam games and downloading Far Cry 5 :mjcry:
 

Methodical

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I got home, and it feels great. :blessed:

I had my bro take all the liquor outta my place a few weeks ago. He found my hash oil marijuana vape cartridges too. I didn’t ask him to take my weed away :mjcry:

It’s probably for the best though. Weed might trigger me and make me want to drink. So I guess, thanks bro :ld:

The goddamn internet is out in my area :snoop:

I was looking forward to updating my steam games and downloading Far Cry 5 :mjcry:


Lifting weights and workouts really help a lot .I suggest you do that. I used to drink a lot but I stop drinking beers for years. I used to be 218 pound now 190 pounds.
 

Ciggavelli

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Lifting weights and workouts really help a lot .I suggest you do that. I used to drink a lot but I stop drinking beers for years. I used to be 218 pound now 190 pounds.
Thanks, breh :salute:

I’m gonna join a gym tomorrow, as my counselors say exercise is something people in recovery should do too.
 

Ciggavelli

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Acp5NGa.jpg


24 Hour Sober Chip
Infinity Chip (infinity is my "higher power")
30 Day Chip

:blessed:
 

Macallik86

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Great read. Congrats and hope things go well for you in the future. Check out some sites like meetup.com to find more people into what you are into I say.
 
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