Keanu Reeves has bared his soul about his tragedy-stricken life. The actor, whose baby daughter was stillborn in 2000 a year before the child's mother died in a car crash, told US magazine Parade he was still grieving. Opening his heart about his devastation, he said he continued to feel alone, and angrily described the loss he had suffered as "not fair" and "absurd". Reeves said he still wanted to get married and have children - but that it would take time. The 41-year-old's troubles began as a toddler, when his father abandoned his British mother and the family. His best friend, actor River Phoenix, died of a drug overdose in 1993 and his sister Kim, 39, is fighting leukaemia. Reeves met Jennifer Syme at a party in 1998 and fell in love. She was pregnant within a year, but eight months later the baby was stillborn and Syme suffered deep postnatal depression. Although their romance cooled, she and the Matrix star remained close. Then in April 2001, Syme was killed instantly when her car crashed. "Grief changes shape, but it never ends," Reeves, who stars in The Lake House with Sandra Bullock this summer, told Parade. "People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, 'It's gone, and I'm better.' They're wrong. "When the people you love are gone, you're alone "I miss being a part of their lives and them being part of mine. I wonder what the present would be like if they were here - what we might have done together. I miss all the great things that will never be. "Damn it! It's not fair! It's absurd. "All you can do is hope that grief will be transformed and, instead of feeling pain and confusion you will be together again in memory, that there will be solace and pleasure there, not just loss." He added however that he felt he was at a "turning point". I don't want to flee from life," Reeves said. I know the beauty of it." He said he had bought his first house after turning 40, a "makeover" for him. Asked if loss had changed him, Reeves said: "I'm trying not to be alone so much. And, man, it's a struggle.
"I want to get married. I want to have kids. That's at the top of the mountain. I've got to climb the mountain first. I'll do it. Just give me some time."
