I know we won...but we got to do better
NFL Run & Shootaround: Rising Up and Rising Down - The Triangle Blog - Grantland
Look, the Cowboys beat the equally crappy Eagles, bringing their record to 4-5! But they committed 13 penalties in the process. Let’s go through them, just to see what horrendous execution looks like:
1. On third-and-1, defensive end Jason Hatcher jumps offside. A free first for Philly, on a drive that leads to a score.
2. Ditto, except on third-and-3.
3. Doug Free, a tackle, leans back in his stance and earns the false start — his seventh of the year, we’re informed. We have played just over eight games.
4. Morris Claiborne — the first-round pick we’ll hear so much about — jumps offside. Strange for a cornerback. It’ll get weirder.
5. Anthony Spencer jumps offside. Fourth offside of the half by Dallas.
6. That’s another Morris Claiborne whistle! This time it’s defensive holding, leading to this gem from Joe Buck: “It looked to me like Claiborne might have gotten Riley Cooper by the hair.”
7. Proving he can always think of new ways to put Orlando Scandrick in a mismatch, Rob Ryan lines him up one-on-one with … Jeremy Maclin. Scandrick grabs him with both arms, just to be sure. First down!
8. Guess who? Morris Claiborne adds a pass interference to his collection. After the call, the network shot is of Claiborne lying prostrate on the turf, while Maclin stands over him and beats his chest. But that’s gotta be it. It can’t …
9. It’s Morris Claiborne! Holding Riley Cooper — though not by the hair — and wiping out a nice pick by Anthony Spencer.
10. Now it’s 31-17 Cowboys. The Eagles have a rookie QB in the game and 12-plus minutes to get two scores. One of the only things that can go wrong for Dallas is to commit a silly penalty. So Josh Brent thinks: I’m gonna jump offside. The Cowboys have committed this penalty five times.
11. A little flinch by John Phillips, the tight end. Because why not?
12. John Phillips will not let Morris Claiborne win this contest without a fight! Another flinch ...
on a punt.
13. The Eagles have the ball at the Dallas 1 and they’re trying to get a play off before the two-minute warning. Flags ... but 99 percent of the time, this is illegal formation/motion, right? Wait just one damn minute. It’s Morris Claiborne! His fifth penalty, and we’ve come full circle, because he’s offside again.
Reminder to fellow Cowboys fans: This is what a win feels like.