"Well kids, you see, your father is a female basketball player."
"Well, she's not your REAL father. I mean she IS but... you see your mother had you using a white man's sperm. But no one ever met him. Your father knows who he is though, she hand-picked him."
"Your mother and fathe-um...Britney. don't love each other any more. Your mom is married to this white dude.......Nooo, not the white dude who your father hand picked to create your DNA, just some other white dude"
Well your mother and father kept trying to kill each other, so theyre not allowed to be in the same building at the same time.
Noooo not your REAL father, I mean your real father, Britney. You aren't allowed to see your REAL father... ever. But he's not really that important anyway