Fellas in longterm relationships: Asking a woman to change

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

you serious?

How does anyone gain weight?

I work out and gain weight at times.... where is this convo going?

You can't see how odd it sounds bragging about dumping someone because they're fat but then turn around and say your girl is getting fat but it's okay because she "knows how to lose it?" If she knows how to not be fat then how is she getting fat. That doesn't make sense to me.

 

[UpAndComing]

The point for me is that have dealbreakers BEFORE you get with a girl

It would eliminate all the types of things you don't want to see in a relationship. Ain't no sense getting with a girl with things you don't like, then expecting her to change it with a complete 180

 

[O.T.I.S.]

You can't see how odd it sounds bragging about dumping someone because they're fat but then turn around and say your girl is getting fat but it's okay because she "knows how to lose it?" If she knows how to not be fat then how is she getting fat. That doesn't make sense to me.

I wasn’t bragging about shyt, i was speaking matter of factly about MY two relationships

Dude asked how do we ask women to change something, I specifically spoke about asking my ex to workout when she gained some weight. She didn’t want to, gained some more.

I didn’t even say I dumped her for that, I dumped her for being an unappreciative person that was never satisfied or cared if I was either. Which I why I said “see why she’s my ex..”



My current I don’t have to ask because she usually checks herself. She’s not perfect but I never said she was. What else is there to understand? She gains weight like everyone on the planet gains weight. She also knows how to lose it

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

I wasn’t bragging about shyt, i was speaking matter of factly about MY two relationships

Dude asked how do we ask women to change something, I specifically spoke about asking my ex to workout when she gained some weight. She didn’t want to, gained some more.

I didn’t even say I dumped her for that, I dumped her for being an unappreciative person that was never satisfied or cared if I was either. Which I why I said “see why she’s my ex..”



My current I don’t have to ask because she usually checks herself. She’s not perfect but I never said she was. What else is there to understand? She gains weight like everone on the planet gains weight. She also knows how to lose it

You implied you dumped her for being fat. I asked for clarification. And you said she did work out but it wasn't good enough for you so I was confused by you being okay with your new joint yo yoing.

 

[Dad]

Influencing and/or expecting change is often a difficult thing to navigate, but if you think about it....most people become parents, and attempting to guide the change that comes with growth becomes something most will have experience with at some point because of that. Not that parenthood is the only place this dynamic presents itself, I'm just pointing out that it's one of the common circumstances of it in life that will bring those who avoid it to this experience - we all find our way to it. If you care for somebody, it's absolutely valid to to approach them on this basis. Sometimes you should try because you care about yourself. Just do it with consideration and patience. Be careful reacting quickly to their own reaction, especially if it's negative. Give things some thought. Reflect and let it breathe. I'm 31 years old. I've been in a relationship for about 7 years now - married for 3 of those years. Sometimes we do make changes, sometimes we learn how to be content without it. Things can be more complicated than they seem, but love is eternal. Just be sure not to grind yourself against it when the better action is not to have it.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This nikka quoting bible verses .

 

[O.T.I.S.]

You implied you dumped her for being fat. I asked for clarification. And you said she did work out but it wasn't good enough for you so I was confused by you being okay with your new joint yo yoing.

I didn’t imply anything like that but if thats how you took it then great.

You said that I let my current slide with gaining weight, and that they were “similar” somehow... I said I don’t have to “let” her do anything because her lifestyle is generally healthy. They are complete opposites

And yeah, her working out wasn’t good enough because she wasn’t doing shyt and generally didn’t care about fitness. She didn’t want that, she wanted to get comfortable and blow up and didn’t care if I liked it or not.

If you have an issue with it then back at you

 

[GreenGhxst]

yeah, be more patient, she's changed a lot, but it may have been growth from maturity and not necessarily due to my request, we've been together for 7 years, we got together at 19

that patience thing almost got her broken up with a few times tho, so who knows, that may be part of it too

she would always say she would change and would do it for a short while, but eventually go back and then finally it stuck, like I said idk if its from growth or necessity of keeping the relationship

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

Get her around some women with class that HAVE MEN.

Could just turn her into a hater

 

[3rdWorld]

Women are resistant to change suggested by a man..but women feel they have every right to tell men to change.

 

[CrimsonTider]

Rice isn’t unhealthy

 

[sayyestothis]

Been married for over 13 yrs. Yes we have dialogue all the time about each other to make changes etc.

When you are with someone for a long time they change anyway. The key is having honest convos and to love the new person they are when they do change.

 

[AceMan]

When you are with someone for a long time they change anyway. The key is having honest convos and to love the new person they are when they do change.

Worth repeating.

 

[Taadow]

When you are with someone for a long time they change anyway. The key is having honest convos and to love the new person they are when they do change.

Now this is true a lot of times as well...

 

[GnauzBookOfRhymes]

Fellas in LTR or with experience


Have you ever asked your woman to change something about her?


An annoying habit, getting her to hit the gym, getting her to cook, telling her not to nag you, getting one to work if they dont want to etc.

If so how did that conversation go

And for the married, did she change?

the key is to openly communicate the issue you're having. worst thing in the world is a passive aggressive partner.

also keep in mind if there is anything you are doing that may be contributing to the problem.

 

[Taadow]

But for reals doe, this how you gotta do it - as soon as it happen.