Fatherlessness

[Hathaway]

I'm sitting here on this rainy Sunday morning with my two boys. Watching them play. Bliss. My oldest is 4, he's intelligent, emotional and a leader. My youngest is 3. He is creative, introverted and also intelligent. Days like these I cherish. I love on them all the time. I tell them I'm proud of them. I tell them I love them. I hug and kiss them. I do not take them for granted. I discipline them. I correct them. I teach them. I am a father.

I am 32. I've never been whipped by a man. I've never had a man tell me they are proud of me. I've never had special embrace with a father figure in all of my life. My mother, grandmother and granny raised me. My mother married and I became a stepson at 15. My stepfather and I share no intimate bond. He fathered a child with my mom. My younger brother. That is his pride and joy. Not me. I am not his. I no longer hold that against him. My own father is miles away in another state. He has 5 children by 5 different women. On his side, I have a sister born in 89. I was born in 90 and my brother born in 91. He also has a son born in 79 and a long lost daughter born in 85.

I look at my life in its current state and I take introspection daily. A self check if you will on my mental and emotional health. It varies. I look at how I problem solve. How do I deal with conflict. Am I masculine enough? Am I strong enough? Without proper male guidance in my life, am I correct in my masculinity? Who is the judge? Who do I compare myself to?

A boy follows the footsteps of his father. That is who he compares himself to. I've never had that. A blueprint to follow. I'm winging it.

 

[Dameon Farrow]

Never easy. Keep pushing. And you are doing a great thing encouraging and showing pride. Some had the biological in the home and never got to experience that.

 

[RaspberryFitted]

I look at my life in its current state and I take introspection daily. A self check if you will on my mental and emotional health. It varies. I look at how I problem solve. How do I deal with conflict. Am I masculine enough? Am I strong enough? Without proper male guidance in my life, am I correct in my masculinity? Who is the judge? Who do I compare myself to?

22 and I experience this often. Had a conversation with one of my older sisters about my recent updates. After I was done, she flat out said, “Raspberry, I’m glad you’re coming into your own, because I was really worried about you for a while in terms of not having anybody’s footsteps to follow”.

Having women in my immediate life quickly showed me their perception of what a man is was as fukked as mine.

The closest example of genuine Men in my life were their ex-boyfriends/baby fathers. They are what I base most of my understanding of how a man should and shouldn’t move.

Before I graduated HS, I turned my life to God. That timeframe of yearning for a male figure is over with. I am my own man and need to follow His path on life, not by my own understanding.

Like you last sentence says, I’m winging it. Hell, all of us are winging it.

 

[Complexion]

Remember:

Children don't do what you say. They feel who you are and that is what sets the tone as their blueprint of masculinity. 0 - 8 is critical as the boy becomes the man and childrens minds operate in the frequency of trance.

A lot of people in the Game don't have his and are trying to put Alpha ceilings on non existent foundations of their internal temple due to the nature of the grift and people wanting a quick fix without looking within and Self examining. Not saying it can't be done but you have to consider the equation of a lifetimes worth of neural development and experience vs watching a few youtube videos and puffing out your pigeon chest like you're doing something.


@Hathaway based on what you're saying and your vibe you're doing the right thing because one who doubts thinks before acting to ensure the best outcome for their seeds whereas one who believes he's got it all figured out often reimprints his jits with the same messed up ish he got influenced with and thus perpetuates the pattern of destruction that plagues so many parts of the human race.

Teach the eldest how to paint/sing and the youngest a martial art to balance their energetics and ensure they question everything and everyone until what they distill makes sense to them because donkeys live a long time but it doesn't mean they've learned a thing. Each child is a genius. The System makes their glow dim to fit into the pyramid of ignorance which has them running the wheel to pay bills.

Urn a living = cremate the potential.

 

[Wildhundreds]

Masculinity isn't always measured by might. Your 1st paragraph is masculine in regards to nation building. In a room full of lost souls, you'd be considered a faq.

 

[skyrunner1]

I'm sitting here on this rainy Sunday morning with my two boys. Watching them play. Bliss. My oldest is 4, he's intelligent, emotional and a leader. My youngest is 3. He is creative, introverted and also intelligent. Days like these I cherish. I love on them all the time. I tell them I'm proud of them. I tell them I love them. I hug and kiss them. I do not take them for granted. I discipline them. I correct them. I teach them. I am a father.

I am 32. I've never been whipped by a man. I've never had a man tell me they are proud of me. I've never had special embrace with a father figure in all of my life. My mother, grandmother and granny raised me. My mother married and I became a stepson at 15. My stepfather and I share no intimate bond. He fathered a child with my mom. My younger brother. That is his pride and joy. Not me. I am not his. I no longer hold that against him. My own father is miles away in another state. He has 5 children by 5 different women. On his side, I have a sister born in 89. I was born in 90 and my brother born in 91. He also has a son born in 79 and a long lost daughter born in 85.

I look at my life in its current state and I take introspection daily. A self check if you will on my mental and emotional health. It varies. I look at how I problem solve. How do I deal with conflict. Am I masculine enough? Am I strong enough? Without proper male guidance in my life, am I correct in my masculinity? Who is the judge? Who do I compare myself to?

A boy follows the footsteps of his father. That is who he compares himself to. I've never had that. A blueprint to follow. I'm winging it.

If nobody tells you breh, you doing your thing. Keep grinding. And based on everything I have read from esoteric, science, religious, leadership based, etc. You have nothing to question in your masculinity. Just keep taking action, leading, improving, pouring into your kids and helping them develop their skills, protecting/providing, being a guiding light and standing on what you believe and you did what you were meant to do.

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

I hang out with my dad a lot. He's not a very good parent, as they say he "did his best" but its still love. Happy sunday

 

[2 one 3]

You’re doing a great job op…


The older I get, I realize you have to meet people where they are.

I try and empathize with the older generation because like all of us they were just out here winging it as well. Parenthood does not come with an instruction manual and a lot of how our parents were brought up was dictated by their childhood. So that perspective really changed a lot for me and my dad‘s relationship.


My dad lost his father at the age of 13. So from 13 to adulthood he never had his father just had his older brothers to look to. So I can see how trying to raise me during those years was foreign to him because he never had that same experience. Luckily we got through it all and we are cool today.

 

[skyrunner1]

Remember:

Children don't do what you say. They feel who you are and that is what sets the tone as their blueprint of masculinity. 0 - 8 is critical as the boy becomes the man and childrens minds operate in the frequency of trance.

A lot of people in the Game don't have his and are trying to put Alpha ceilings on non existent foundations of their internal temple due to the nature of the grift and people wanting a quick fix without looking within and Self examining. Not saying it can't be done but you have to consider the equation of a lifetimes worth of neural development and experience vs watching a few youtube videos and puffing out your pigeon chest like you're doing something.


@Hathaway based on what you're saying and your vibe you're doing the right thing because one who doubts thinks before acting to ensure the best outcome for their seeds whereas one who believes he's got it all figured out often reimprints his jits with the same messed up ish he got influenced with and thus perpetuates the pattern of destruction that plagues so many parts of the human race.

Teach the eldest how to paint/sing and the youngest a martial art to balance their energetics and ensure they question everything and everyone until what they distill makes sense to them because donkeys live a long time but it doesn't mean they've learned a thing. Each child is a genius. The System makes their glow dim to fit into the pyramid of ignorance which has them running the wheel to pay bills.

Urn a living = cremate the potential.

From what I have seen, wouldnt it be ideal to teach them both the same things for foundational skills. Self defense and creativity in arts should be something they both have as foundational skills right? Teaching them to be assertive and leadership skills in actual action of doing whether it be fighting or dance is something that helps down the line in any endeavor

 

[breakfuss]

Speak on it, brother. Thank you for your honesty. We’re all wading through the uncertainty of life. I needed my father. He isn’t perfect but he was present, and he loved unconditionally. I’m trying to do the same with mine. People not only undervalue fathers, but attempt to reduce us to simply being “providers”. It’s so much more and I’m glad we appear to be having a cultural awakening.

 

[Heafcliffe]

, b.

 

[Complexion]

From what I have seen, wouldnt it be ideal to teach them both the same things for foundational skills. Self defense and creativity in arts should be something they both have as foundational skills right? Teaching them to be assertive and leadership skills in actual action of doing whether it be fighting or dance is something that helps down the line in any endeavor

We naturally come with certain energetic preferences due to various reasons I'm not going to uncover in this instance. Based on what he said about the children's temperament these two styles would fill in gaps by sprinkling yang on yin and vice versa as well plus it also encourages individuation vs "Yay! I get to get dragged along to a stupid class I hate because my brother enjoys it and my folks made me".

Both will then dialogue based on their own experience and build something far greater than a parent could force into their heads. Each one, teach one.

Foundational skills in my lens are how to move within a family unit, lucidly express yourself and have the courage to stand behind your own opinion no matter what anyone (even your parents/religion/external authority) says.

Its why Warriors beget the same as they know the nature of the Game and let the child know exactly what he's playing in metaphors he comprehends so he matures to tear it out the frame thanks to the shared experience. Whats the point in having shoulders if your seeds can stand on them and share the vision they're seeing with their pristine awareness?

 

[jilla82]

From what I have seen, wouldnt it be ideal to teach them both the same things for foundational skills. Self defense and creativity in arts should be something they both have as foundational skills right? Teaching them to be assertive and leadership skills in actual action of doing whether it be fighting or dance is something that helps down the line in any endeavor

you have to read their personality type and see what they gravitate towards.

stoicism is something all young boys should be taught/shown...
...its the first thing I notice men who are raised by women are missing

 

[skyrunner1]

We naturally come with certain energetic preferences due to various reasons I'm not going to uncover in this instance. Based on what he said about the children's temperament these two styles would fill in gaps by sprinkling yang on yin and vice versa as well plus it also encourages individuation vs "Yay! I get to get dragged along to a stupid class I hate because my brother enjoys it and my folks made me".

Both will then dialogue based on their own experience and build something far greater than a parent could force into their heads. Each one, teach one.

Foundational skills in my lens are how to move within a family unit, lucidly express yourself and have the courage to stand behind your own opinion no matter what anyone (even your parents/religion/external authority) says.

Its why Warriors beget the same as they know the nature of the Game and let the child know exactly what he's playing in metaphors he comprehends so he matures to tear it out the frame thanks to the shared experience. Whats the point in having shoulders if your seeds can stand on them and share the vision they're seeing with their pristine awareness?

Got you, I think when kids are that close in age it helps to have them do things together. Also the discipline and self defense skills I learned help build the confidence and courage to stand behind my opinion no matter what anyone says so thats why I always looked at it that way. I think it even benefits grown men because too many men seem to be washed by middle age. Appreciate the response.

 

[maxamusa]

we all wing it. but the most valuable advice I could give anyone is just spend time with them and LOVE(with actions and WORDS) those shorties. you already miles ahead from what you say you're doing.