Discuss: issues with your parents

[YeLovesBoston]

Like OP, she literally was about to let your brother kill you. You shoulda beat her unconscious too. Maybe its cuz Im a momma's boy but that shyt aint right at all. Im so angry at 7:49 am.

 

[flea]

Me and my folks cool. They know they raised a go-getter so they let me cook

 

[wickedsm]

I'm so sorry for those of you that had/have these relationships with your parents.
All I can say is I am proud of yall that you got through it and I hope that you use your experiences as a blueprint for exactly what not to do when you have your own children.


Ftr yall are not alone. Both my husband and my son in law are estranged from their mothers for very valid reasons.

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

My mom lied to me and I hate that shyt. I understand she had grandkids but their parents are trash and priorities are fukked up. She always helps them with things and I end up picking up the slack when she needs money. I'm in a good position so I don't mind giving her anything but I'm tired of her over extending herself to ungrateful muthafukkas. My brother was always seen as The One, while growing up but this nikka is a deadbeat bum and I swear if we ever cross paths, I'm knocking that nikkas head off. My mom has always been a good hearted woman, and since I'm the black sheep, I say how I feel truly about the people in my Fam. She calls me crazy but she knows I'm right. Now everybody is on my dikk after seeing me successful and take by care of her. It still one of the factors that plays with my anger issues but I love her to death.
My pops was never really there.
He was in and out of my life until I turned 8 and the next time I saw him, I was laid up in the hospital with pericarditis and this nikka came down from the bay. But I always told my mom the only reason he came was because he was in trouble out there. Dude use to smoke weed around me and do other drugs as well. My mom has told me some stories about him having allegations of sexual abuse and other things happening before I was born which I believe because he showed me my first porn and I never told my mom that but something was off about that whole situation. He never touched me but I can't explain how that felt. Fast forward I saw him 3 years ago and he's still the same. I cried because I hadn't seen him in 17 years and just all of this emotion came over me. I was still scared of him for some reason even though I know I could break his face open. That weekend I became at peace though with him. I accept him for who he is and let it be. We still rarely talk but I'm okay. I have my days were I'm withdrawn, it hurts my girl sometimes but we are working on it.
It's hard for me to let people in or give my all in love but I'm not going to let that demon win anymore.
Met an angel and as long as God lets me love her, I shall.
Sorry for the long read.
Pretty carthartic..

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

It's great that you achieved so much despite your mom being childish and playing favorites. That's why a father is important, to be the disciplinarian and to be the calmer, cool head to knock some sense into y'all.

I had my issues with my mother as well, but we repaired that shyt, and I put her ass in check.

Thats why I want no beef with you. I've always gotten the vibe you don't take NO shyt from NO body. Lol, not even your momma. I do like your style though. Apex predators recognize apex predators.

I used to say I didn't need a dad. But at 26 with options, it'd be nice to have a man's guidance. I thought being a man was being super human. Successful. Fit. A winner. I'm learning it's more than that.

A man's energy would have been nice growing up. I think my bro and I were in a constant power struggle. We're both alpha males. I was clearly more talented at everything. And he's no slouch. He's a genius I think. I worked hard at everything. It came natural to him. Our competition got out of control when I was teenager. We both have sent each other to the hospital. I decided to dead the beef by avoiding him and never speaking to him.

My mom favoring him was naive of her and I'm seeing the damage done now that I'm trying to connect with people on a deeper level. I act how I think a normal person should in emotional situations or I retract. Im not a sociopath because I can feel things. It's just overwhelming and very uncomfortable.

My friends call me Don Draper because I'm distant. When I like a girl it pisses me off and I fall back. That's not healthy. Falling in love was the best and worst thing to happen to me though. It taught me about accountability.

I was running game on two girls who were best friends. I was trying to have a 3some with. fukked around and fell in love accidently. I wasn't living right. I was highly manipulative with women. I was fukking her bestie and was in love with her bestie while dating her too. I only talked to her to piss off the one I loved.

I remember planning it out and telling my friends and getting their approval. I was not living right. She was so nice. She would feed me. Ask me about about my feelings. Didn't care what I had. What I did to her ain't right. I didn't cheat on her. But I wasn't emotionally available. I see that now.

She got hella dark and morbid after we lost our first pregnancy. Which I think she lost because she was sad because when she told me she was pregnant I got up and walked out the room. Then I started drinking and didn't say anything for hella long. She told me during our breakup argument my response sounded like a formal email and there was no emotion in my eyes.

That's exactly how my mom is. It scares me a lot. Something isn't functioning inside me and I think I learned it from my mom and dealing with my family. I don't like it. Some times the kids I nanny for, who I've taught to read and play soccer, I love these boys, they told me I shut off and it's scary because I'm like a robot. Weird thing is kids is are freakishly drawn to me. And I understand them. I'd love to have kids.I think I'll ruin them though.

 

[Elle Driver]

Thats why I want no beef with you. I've always gotten the vibe you don't take NO shyt from NO body. Lol, not even your momma. I do like your style though. Apex predators recognize apex predators.

I used to say I didn't need a dad. But at 26 with options, it'd be nice to have a man's guidance. I thought being a man was being super human. Successful. Fit. A winner. I'm learning it's more than that.

A man's energy would have been nice growing up. I think my bro and I were in a constant power struggle. We're both alpha males. I was clearly more talented at everything. And he's no slouch. He's a genius I think. I worked hard at everything. It came natural to him. Our competition got out of control when I was teenager. We both have sent each other to the hospital. I decided to dead the beef by avoiding him and never speaking to him.

My mom favoring him was naive of her and I'm seeing the damage done now that I'm trying to connect with people on a deeper level. I act how I think a normal person should in emotional situations or I retract. Im not a sociopath because I can feel things. It's just overwhelming and very uncomfortable.

My friends call me Don Draper because I'm distant. When I like a girl it pisses me off and I fall back. That's not healthy. Falling in love was the best and worst thing to happen to me though. It taught me about accountability.

I was running game on two girls who were best friends. I was trying to have a 3some with. fukked around and fell in love accidently. I wasn't living right. I was highly manipulative with women. I was fukking her bestie and was in love with her bestie while dating her too. I only talked to her to piss off the one I loved.

I remember planning it out and telling my friends and getting their approval. I was not living right. She was so nice. She would feed me. Ask me about about my feelings. Didn't care what I had. What I did to her ain't right. I didn't cheat on her. But I wasn't emotionally available. I see that now.

She got hella dark and morbid after we lost our first pregnancy. Which I think she lost because she was sad because when she told me she was pregnant I got up and walked out the room. Then I started drinking and didn't say anything for hella long. She told me during our breakup argument my response sounded like a formal email and there was no emotion in my eyes.

That's exactly how my mom is. It scares me a lot. Something isn't functioning inside me and I think I learned it from my mom and dealing with my family. I don't like it. Some times the kids I nanny for, who I've taught to read and play soccer, I love these boys, they told me I shut off and it's scary because I'm like a robot. Weird thing is kids is are freakishly drawn to me. And I understand them. I'd love to have kids.I think I'll ruin them though.

I wasn't always this way, but I learned over time to basically not take shyt from people even if it is family. Just cause they your family don't mean they can hurt you. Most black kids go through trauma in the family for a number of reasons, sometimes they are unable to perform well in school as a result. Sometimes they can't form relationships. It's good you realized cause us black folk be carrying it over to our kids and what not and only then do we realize.

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

Met an angel and as long as God lets me love her, I shall.
Sorry for the long read.
Pretty carthartic..

I love the long reads. Sometimes we forget there are threads for fukkery. And threads for productive discussion. This thread has no character limit and no judgement from me fam. I call my loves angels too. Women and love can have a transformative affect on a man. It saved my life. That's why I call them my angels. Lol this girl got me believing in God she loved me so well. I think she was a message from God to be honest. I'm glad you got your mail from God. Don't let your anger beat you family. I'm there with you.

I wasn't always this way, but I learned over time to basically not take shyt from people even if it is family. Just cause they your family don't mean they can hurt you. Most black kids go through trauma in the family for a number of reasons, sometimes they are unable to perform well in school as a result. Sometimes they can't form relationships. It's good you realized cause us black folk be carrying it over to our kids and what not and only then do we realize.

Very true. I had to see healthy families to recognize mine was not. I see a lot of trauma in our community. These children with what looks to be PTSD if you ask me. My best friend grew up in the same hood as me. Her upbringing was tough too. Her mom told her she ugly because she has dark skin and short hair. She also favored her light skinned siblings over her.

How'd you work through your weaknesses and get strong? I find speaking about my feelings helps me a lot because I usually don't.

 

[Easy-E]

It would be a lot easier to deal with my issues with my parents if they actually looked at me as an adult and a man.

They (mostly my father) throw that"I still see you as a baby" and I'm closer to 30 than 17. They say that like um supposed to take it as a compliment or something.

Not to mention in dealing with "achievement" issues so its like they don't respect me.

It is what it is. Nothing that makes me hate them. Still love em.

 

[Chris Cool]

pops was there but did 0 parenting. other dudes was my father figures. we never had a father son relationship, my mom used to try to force it and it made me mad. he went to prison when i was 16 and got out when i was 22 and now be wanna hang around because I'm grown and shyt. i feel like I'm grown breh, without your help, i don't really need you now. . he got like 15 kids, raised 0 and i heard him casually say he got 2 on the way. shyt legit pissed me off, how the fukk you got kids ranging age 30 - to not born yet? I've been interacting with him more than i ever have recently, but he more like a buddy than a father. always has been.

 

[Neil Tyson]

It would be a lot easier to deal with my issues with my parents if they actually looked at me as an adult and a man.

They (mostly my father) throw that"I still see you as a baby" and I'm closer to 30 than 17. They say that like um supposed to take it as a compliment or something.

Not to mention in dealing with "achievement" issues so its like they don't respect me.

It is what it is. Nothing that makes me hate them. Still love em.

I have some achievement issues. I had issues that I had to force them to consider that my talents and my hard work belong to me, not to God. It's really just the only problem I've had with them, other than that I'm glad they're happy finding this new way to live their life spiritually. Just don't downgrade my work by applying their logic to make sense of why I got where I got.

 

[Elle Driver]

I love the long reads. Sometimes we forget there are threads for fukkery. And threads for productive discussion. This thread has no character limit and no judgement from me fam. I call my loves angels too. Women and love can have a transformative affect on a man. It saved my life. That's why I call them my angels. Lol this girl got me believing in God she loved me so well. I think she was a message from God to be honest. I'm glad you got your mail from God. Don't let your anger beat you family. I'm there with you.

Very true. I had to see healthy families to recognize mine was not. I see a lot of trauma in our community. These children with what looks to be PTSD if you ask me. My best friend grew up in the same hood as me. Her upbringing was tough too. Her mom told her she ugly because she has dark skin and short hair. She also favored her light skinned siblings over her.

How'd you work through your weaknesses and get strong? I find speaking about my feelings helps me a lot because I usually don't.

It was through my brothers to be honest with you, well my brother who's closest in age to me in particular. We became each other's support systems and he pretty much made me realize the stuff my mother taught me about men was nonsense (we have different mothers).

 

[ridedolo]

me n my mom went thru normal minor shyt when i lived at home. moved out mid 20s and shyt been cool since. talk on the phone at least once a week and always laugh and shyt.
pops and i have gotten closer over the years too, although we've always been pretty close. I've always been independent and responsible so they treat me and respect me as a man.

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

It was through my brothers to be honest with you, well my brother who's closest in age to me in particular. We became each other's support systems and he pretty much made me realize the stuff my mother taught me about men was nonsense (we have different mothers).

That's awesome. I love happy endings. Believe it or not I'm an optimist.

 

[ridedolo]

Everybody loved him growing up. I was "John's little brother" until I forced my mom to send me to a high school two towns over. I knew I could be my own man in HS..

why was this a problem?

i entered HS when my bro was still there and thats what i was known as by all his friends. he had a great rep so i'd be like yup

i had my own lane and friends so we all just started hanging out together. i never felt like i was in his "shadow" or anything. He made shyt a lot easier for me tbh.

 

[SeveroDrgnfli]

I've always been independent and responsible so they trea

Me too. I stopped asking for presents when I was 13. I think my mom fell back because of it. Do you think your parents were too hands off some times because they perceived you as independent?