Chipotle Just fukked me Up

[Jesus H. Christ]

Stop eating chipotle. That's corporate gentrified brehitto food. There's plenty of Mexican joints near you that deliver as well. Throw in some agua de horchata and let your stomach be in an ultimate satisfied pleasure mode

 

[Deafheaven]

that shyt aint hot at all

 

[Hathaway]

So Chipotle didn't fukk you up..just the sauce

Who made the sauce?

 

[Astroslik]

I eat chipotle 5x a week. Double chicken. 75G protein

 

[Jahbarri]

I eat chipotle 5x a week. Double chicken. 75G protein

Fr ? Ima do that need to get my gains up respek

 

[Amo Husserl]

So I pull up my doordash app

Fukked up right here.

 

[ORDER_66]

It's Saturday. I haven't had Chipotle in like a year. I said to myself you know what, I'm feeling Hispanic today. I want some Mesican. So I pull up my doordash app with Dash Pass

Got a craving for a Burrito. Steak, Rice, Beans, lettuce, cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream. But I was feeling a lil bold today. Saw some shyt on there called Tomatillo Red Chilli Salsa. I said let me gone head throw a lil spicy on there.

Burrito hit my doorstep bout 18mins later. I unwrap this thick ass burrito from that foil with the level of lust as if I was undressing a beautiful woman. I'm bout to smash this shyt.


I brought that mf up to my mouth and the aroma of that chilli sauce made me pause a bit. The aroma hit my eyes and nose. My shyt started watering. I was like damn, this that real spicy spicy.
Took my first bite. Soon as that shyt hit my mouth, felt like i had just ate a piece of lava. Couldnt even taste the ingredients. Had a mouth full of chilli salsa. Shyt was dripping down my chin

I said wtf is this as im coughing and gasping for air. I clutch my chest as that shyt is making its way down.


I unwrap the burrito completely and turn that bytch over and the bottom of it is soaking red.

These nikkas done drowned my shyt in this chilli sauce. Shyt was so hot the steak was turned to mush like it was sitting in acid. This was not a steak burrito. This was a chilli burrito from the depths of hell.

My son ran up to me and said daddy you okay? I said I'm good son as I wiped the water from my eyes and snot from my nose trying to contain my cough. But I was not good. I was not good at all. I refused to let this burrito punk me in front of my sons. Reluctantly, I took another bite.

This time, the spicy hit my stomach with the force of an atomic bomb. I literally felt my stomach acids reacting to this shyt. My stomach was waving the white flag like nikka what is you doing? We don't eat shyt like this! Bail out. BAIL TF OUT


I clutched the counter in distress. My throat tightened up like a rookie escort who had taken on one client too many. Couldnt even swallow no more.

I was 4 bites in and tapped out like a 15 year old virgin
I threw that shyt in the trash and heard the plastic sizzling like I had just threw some hot coals in there. Folded by a fukking burrito.


Them people at Chipotle tried to kill a nikka.

 

[ORDER_66]

hey OP did you get some cold milk or ice cream afterwards???

 

[Duke Dixon]

Chipotle is easy to make at home. For ~$30 I can have lunch for a week.

Follow this recipe for the chicken. You need to marinate over night


Use this for all the non protein stuff. I haven't tried the beans because I can't eat them but the pico, rice, and guac comes out real nice andd is easy to make.


List of ingredients. I don't use jalapenos cause I cant eat those. Most common ingredients are cilantro, red onion, and lime juice.

Spoiler

Chipotle's Cilantro Lime Rice
3 cups Brown Rice, cooked (same recipe for white rice) *Chipotle cooks their rice with Bay Leaves for aroma
1/4 cup Cilantro, chopped
Juice of 3/4 Lime
1/2 tsp Salt

Guacamole Recipe
3 medium Hass Avocados
Juice of 1 1/2 limes (3 tablespoons of lime juice)
1 TBS Jalapeno, diced
1/2 cup Red Onion, diced
1/4 cup Cilantro, chopped
1 tsp Salt

Chicken Marinade
1 Tsp Cumin Powder
4 Garlic Cloves - Minced
1 Tsp Dried Oregano
2 Tsp Kosher Salt
1 Tsp Black Pepper
1 Tablespoon Chili Powder
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil or Sunflower Oil
7 Oz Can of Chipotle Peppers in Adobo Sauce( 4 peppers and rest of sauce throw out rest of peppers)
3/4 Cup of Water

Cook chicken till 165 degrees

Pico De Gallo
6 Roma Tomatoes, diced
1/2 cup Cilantro, chopped
1/2 cup Red Onion, diced (half onion)
1 TBS Jalapeno, diced
1 tsp Salt
Juice of 1 Lime ( 2 tablespoons)

Other Toppings
-Lettuce
-Sour Cream
-Monterey Jack cheese

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

 

[Hathaway]

hey OP did you get some cold milk or ice cream afterwards???

You tryna kill me too?

I'm lactose intolerent. Just the smell of milk and/or ice cream have me in the bathroom for like an hour. Burrito already done fukked me up

 

[ORDER_66]

You tryna kill me too?

I'm lactose intolerent. Just the smell of milk and/or ice cream have me in the bathroom for like an hour. Burrito already done fukked me up

sucks to be you...

although they do have vegetarian milk / oat milk/ almond milk i heard

 

[Charlie Hustle]

https://www.thecoli.com/threads/roaches-shut-it-down-at-florida-chipotle.973275/#post-49186124

 

[Gizmo_Duck]

nikkas that still think Taco Bell hot sauce is spicy

 

[Son Goku]

Never had it.