Cause of divorce - finances

[Remote]

According to several studies and statistics, money issues account for roughly half of all divorces in the United States.

Are you financially stable? And would you be forceful in terms of discussing and analyzing your partner's finances before getting married?

Or is that too taboo of a topic?
People prying into your financial history can be a sensitive thing.

 

[King Poetic]

that's why i'm not getting married

being a black man, money will always come up first in your relationships

 

[marcuz]

this is why black men / white woman relationships are more likely to fail. after shes tired of the sex and wants actual security, a lot of black men come up short. it's also why our women and white men have one of the most secure unions.

 

[Remote]

that's why i'm not getting married

being a black man, money will always come up first in your relationships

You think it comes up more for black men than other men?

 

[StickStickly]

As you get older you realize this is very important when building a long lasting foundation. You must discuss finances.I think we like to romanticize too much and forget to be present and realistic in relationships. We want to say love isn't about money but that's really a simplistic way of looking at things. When someone says that finances are important they aren't saying love isn't, and they aren't implying that we should only be concerned about money. We have to realize that paying attention to finances is part of every day life, whether we control what happens to us or not. We can't deny that there are varying emotions attached to money.

Tied into the theme of finances is our future plans, which we also need to discuss. Do you plan in having more than one child and will you send them to college? Grad school? Where do you want to live? How much debt is your partner bringing to the table and how will they pay it off? Are they counting on you to do it? In the event of an emergency (car breaks down to long term disability) how will you plan to cover the costs? Do you plan on owning a home? Where? All of these questions have some serious implications in the relationship. It could mean changing future plans to get and save more money.

Also what about exploring your emotions surrounding money? Each person is different. If you grew up without a lot of financial resources you may view money as scary and may link it to deprivation and fear. Or you may be too frivolous or clueless about its management. While some feel anxiety, others may feel no need for it at all and may or may not attempt to secure a stable financial future. All of these things could cause anxieties, tension, and resentment in people. Overtime that frustration is the first emotion you feel. You have to work on love in marriage. Too much resentment blacks or lessens those romantic feelings and makes you feel hopeless or powerless. You begin to associate those feelings with your partner. Before you know it things have changed and you don't want to deal with the "source" of your mental anguish anymore. People feel they have options now and they don't want to stay in undesirable situations if they don't have to.

 

[Remote]

this is why black men / white woman relationships are more likely to fail. after shes tired of the sex and wants actual security, a lot of black men come up short. it's also why our women and white men have one of the most secure unions.

Black women aren't asked to carry financial loads in relationships with white men?

 

[LA Fisher]

this is why black men / white woman relationships are more likely to fail. after shes tired of the sex and wants actual security, a lot of black men come up short. it's also why our women and white men have one of the most secure unions.

You're jacking my swag

 

[marcuz]

You're jacking my swag

the nerve of you new friends

 

[Remote]

As you get older you realize this is very important when building a long lasting foundation. You must discuss finances.I think we like to romanticize too much and forget to be present and realistic in relationships. We want to say love isn't about money but that's really a simplistic way of looking at things. When someone says that finances are important they aren't saying love isn't, and they aren't implying that we should only be concerned about money. We have to realize that paying attention to finances is part of every day life, whether we control what happens to us or not. We can't deny that there are varying emotions attached to money.

Tied into the theme of finances is our future plans, which we also need to discuss. Do you plan in having more than one child and will you send them to college? Grad school? Where do you want to live? How much debt is your partner bringing to the table and how will they pay it off? Are they counting on you to do it? In the event of an emergency (car breaks down to long term disability) how will you plan to cover the costs? Do you plan on owning a home? Where? All of these questions have some serious implications in the relationship. It could mean changing future plans to get and save more money.

Also what about exploring your emotions surrounding money? Each person is different. If you grew up without a lot of financial resources you may view money as scary and may link it to deprivation and fear. Or you may be too frivolous or clueless about its management. While some feel anxiety, others may feel no need for it at all and may or may not attempt to secure a stable financial future. All of these things could cause anxieties, tension, and resentment in people. Overtime that frustration is the first emotion you feel. You have to work on love in marriage. Too much resentment blacks or lessens those romantic feelings and makes you feel hopeless or powerless. You begin to associate those feelings with your partner. Before you know it things have changed and you don't want to deal with the "source" of your mental anguish anymore. People feel they have options now and they don't want to stay in undesirable situations if they don't have to.

Why do you think so few people discuss it?

 

[Uncle Kingpin]

According to statistics, women initiate divorces 80% of the time. So since 80 is more than 50, imma go with women being the cause of divorce.

 

[Anothergirl]

this is why black men / white woman relationships are more likely to fail. after shes tired of the sex and wants actual security, a lot of black men come up short. it's also why our women and white men have one of the most secure unions.

@Raul yeah we do carry loads in our relationships well i do at least. but it's more so my CHOICE to do so not because i have to necessarily.(he makes enough to where i could chill if i wanted and not work ) i love what i do and i'm extremely passionate about it tho so that's not happening.

 

[Remote]

@Raul yeah we do carry loads in our relationships well i do at least. but it's more so my CHOICE to do so not because i have to necessarily.(he makes enough to where i could chill if i wanted and not work ) i love what i do and i'm extremely passionate about it tho so that's not happening.

You think carrying your load is a choice and not an obligation?
Shouldn't partners be obligated to contribute?

 

[Uncle Kingpin]

@Raul yeah we do carry loads in our relationships well i do at least. but it's more so my CHOICE to do so not because i have to necessarily.(he makes enough to where i could chill if i wanted and not work ) i love what i do and i'm extremely passionate about it tho so that's not happening.

GTFOH anotherc00n, go back to lurking

 

[Will Ross]

Black women aren't asked to carry financial loads in relationships with white men?

It's deeper then just money when it comes to black women and white men. A white man can be broke and a black woman will still have more respacy for him then a balling black man.

 

[StickStickly]

Why do you think so few people discuss it?

They're afraid of realizing how much debt each other isn't or that the love of their life is very poor with money. It's a scary thought because money can make or break people and their dreams for their future. What do you do if the love of your life is perfect in every way but they have 50 grand in collections and a very poor credit score? What do you do when you finally found someone and you realize they've been through bankruptcy twice or don't think that bankruptcy is a bad option? What do you do if you love each other but you both are low earners? Life isn't always green pastures so what's going to happen when sht gets tough? The reality is people are afraid of breaking up. They're afraid of not being good enough for someone else. Love is supposed to be enough right? What if it isn't? They don't want to discuss these options because they don't want to lose someone they love.