Days of Future Piff
Superstar
Prequel Trilogy:
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (Best)- The podrace and the Darth Maul fight were the two higlights of the film. I also like the idea of the movie showing us Anakin as a little innocent, angel-faced kid in the beginning before he goes dark and starts down the path to becoming Vader, even though the execution wasn't handled well.
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (Worst)- Trash writing, Jar Jar, and the underuse of Obi Wan are the biggest issues with the movie IMO. Midichlorians also demystify the Force, and Darth Maul should have stuck around for the next two movies.
Speaking of bad writing, that opening scene really stands out. Why would Palpatine order the deaths of the Jedi right off the bat when it would benefit his plan more to tell the Jedi that they're not going to negotiate and send them running back to Naboo to spread the bad news. That would create a panic among the senate that Palpatine could use to advance himself politically.
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (Best)- Mace Windu is a beast (
), and the movie set us up for a dope cartoon in spite of it's flaws. The prequels are very poorly executed movies, but the overall vision behind them as a concept is legit.
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (Worst)- This movie gave us the WOAT love story, and having Yoda fight went against the whole point of his character. He's the wise jedi master who's there to teach us that there is more to being a great jedi than having a cool laser sword. Discipline, patience, forgiveness, and respect for life are what being a Jedi is really about, not lightsaber duels (as dope as they are). Yoda shouldn't even need to fight. Just have him come out and mindwipe everyone in 2 seconds like Professor X.
On a side note, the city chase in the first act makes ZERO sense, and the clone army is way too convenient. It's amazing that the Jedi never question it's suspicious nature on a more significant level.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Best)- Palpatine is the best thing about the movie, period. Palpatine reminds me so much of the devil. Anakin had so much going for him, but his ego, his inability to control his anger, and his fear of losing those close to him drove him to hang out with the wrong people, involve himself in relationships he shouldn't have been a part of, and that ultimately made him vulnerable to Palpatine's temptations. Palpatine played that man like a fiddle.
RotS isn't as good as the OG trilogy, but it's a massive step up from Episodes 1 and 2, and it's far better than the Disney Trilogy IMO.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Worst)- Grievous is flabby and sick
compared to his portrayal in the Clone Wars cartoon.
The final Obi Wan vs Anakin duel dragged on way too long and got way too videogamey near the end. The dialouge is also atrocious.
It would have also been nice to see Vader in his prime going toe-to-toe with other seasoned Jedi masters in legit battles at some point.
OG Trilogy:
Episode 4: A New Hope (Best)- The Death Star battle at the end of the film is legendary. The tension, buildup, and suspense as the rebels struggle to take down the Death Star makes for one of the best climaxes in film history. Shout-outs to my dude Wedge for surviving all three movies. On a meta level, Star Wars is arguably the most profound moral compass in recent American history since World War 2 ended. I also like C3PO and R2D2 as a duo, and how they're lowkey in every movie.
Episode 4: A New Hope (Worst)- The Obi Wan vs Vader duel is admittedly Larry Holmes status () by today's standards. Also, the Special Editions messed up that classic Han Solo scene with Greedo in the cantina.
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (Best)- Yoda's wisdom is still relevant and insightful to this day. The spiritual parallels are on another level. The Luke vs Vader duel is also classic, and stands up to his day as the GOAT lightsaber duel with the GOAT plot twist. The Hoth battle and the Asteroid chase scenes are also pure piff. Everything about this movie is classic to the point that I don't even know what else to say about it.
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (Worst)- We don't get nearly enough of the bounty hunters in action (Boba Fett, IG-88, Dengar, Bossk, 4LOM, and Zuckuss)
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi (Best)- I liked seeing Luke actually being THAT dude after paying his dues through those first two movies. Like a previous poster mentioned, we finally get to see his swag as a confident, mature Jedi.
The Luke vs Vader duel is the emotional core of the franchise and the embodiment of the good vs evil message of Star Wars (forgiving your enemies vs giving into hatred). Luke had every opportunity to become his dad, and failing his moral tests the same way Anakin did, but he triumphed over evil by NOT fighting. Vader's redemption scene might be the most powerful moment in the franchise. 2nd best lightsaber battle in the franchise, but I can respect the argument for it being first.
The space battle is also goatworthy, on top of Lucas blessing us with a breh (Lando) blowing up the second death star.
On a secondary note, Jabba the Hutt was a technical marvel and it blows me away that they were able to pull off his character without CGI. Such a memorably slimy character.
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi (Worst)- The Ewoks were corny, even though I can see what Lucas was going for (the Vietnam parallels). Also, I don't like how Boba Fett went out. So anticlimactic.
Sequel Trilogy/Disney Era:
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (Best)- The podrace and the Darth Maul fight were the two higlights of the film. I also like the idea of the movie showing us Anakin as a little innocent, angel-faced kid in the beginning before he goes dark and starts down the path to becoming Vader, even though the execution wasn't handled well.
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (Worst)- Trash writing, Jar Jar, and the underuse of Obi Wan are the biggest issues with the movie IMO. Midichlorians also demystify the Force, and Darth Maul should have stuck around for the next two movies.
Speaking of bad writing, that opening scene really stands out. Why would Palpatine order the deaths of the Jedi right off the bat when it would benefit his plan more to tell the Jedi that they're not going to negotiate and send them running back to Naboo to spread the bad news. That would create a panic among the senate that Palpatine could use to advance himself politically.
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (Best)- Mace Windu is a beast (
), and the movie set us up for a dope cartoon in spite of it's flaws. The prequels are very poorly executed movies, but the overall vision behind them as a concept is legit.Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (Worst)- This movie gave us the WOAT love story, and having Yoda fight went against the whole point of his character. He's the wise jedi master who's there to teach us that there is more to being a great jedi than having a cool laser sword. Discipline, patience, forgiveness, and respect for life are what being a Jedi is really about, not lightsaber duels (as dope as they are). Yoda shouldn't even need to fight. Just have him come out and mindwipe everyone in 2 seconds like Professor X.
On a side note, the city chase in the first act makes ZERO sense, and the clone army is way too convenient. It's amazing that the Jedi never question it's suspicious nature on a more significant level.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Best)- Palpatine is the best thing about the movie, period. Palpatine reminds me so much of the devil. Anakin had so much going for him, but his ego, his inability to control his anger, and his fear of losing those close to him drove him to hang out with the wrong people, involve himself in relationships he shouldn't have been a part of, and that ultimately made him vulnerable to Palpatine's temptations. Palpatine played that man like a fiddle.
RotS isn't as good as the OG trilogy, but it's a massive step up from Episodes 1 and 2, and it's far better than the Disney Trilogy IMO.
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Worst)- Grievous is flabby and sick
compared to his portrayal in the Clone Wars cartoon.The final Obi Wan vs Anakin duel dragged on way too long and got way too videogamey near the end. The dialouge is also atrocious.
It would have also been nice to see Vader in his prime going toe-to-toe with other seasoned Jedi masters in legit battles at some point.
OG Trilogy:
Episode 4: A New Hope (Best)- The Death Star battle at the end of the film is legendary. The tension, buildup, and suspense as the rebels struggle to take down the Death Star makes for one of the best climaxes in film history. Shout-outs to my dude Wedge for surviving all three movies. On a meta level, Star Wars is arguably the most profound moral compass in recent American history since World War 2 ended. I also like C3PO and R2D2 as a duo, and how they're lowkey in every movie.
Episode 4: A New Hope (Worst)- The Obi Wan vs Vader duel is admittedly Larry Holmes status (
) by today's standards. Also, the Special Editions messed up that classic Han Solo scene with Greedo in the cantina.Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (Best)- Yoda's wisdom is still relevant and insightful to this day. The spiritual parallels are on another level. The Luke vs Vader duel is also classic, and stands up to his day as the GOAT lightsaber duel with the GOAT plot twist. The Hoth battle and the Asteroid chase scenes are also pure piff. Everything about this movie is classic to the point that I don't even know what else to say about it.
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (Worst)- We don't get nearly enough of the bounty hunters in action (Boba Fett, IG-88, Dengar, Bossk, 4LOM, and Zuckuss)
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi (Best)- I liked seeing Luke actually being THAT dude after paying his dues through those first two movies. Like a previous poster mentioned, we finally get to see his swag as a confident, mature Jedi.
The Luke vs Vader duel is the emotional core of the franchise and the embodiment of the good vs evil message of Star Wars (forgiving your enemies vs giving into hatred). Luke had every opportunity to become his dad, and failing his moral tests the same way Anakin did, but he triumphed over evil by NOT fighting. Vader's redemption scene might be the most powerful moment in the franchise. 2nd best lightsaber battle in the franchise, but I can respect the argument for it being first.
The space battle is also goatworthy, on top of Lucas blessing us with a breh (Lando) blowing up the second death star.
On a secondary note, Jabba the Hutt was a technical marvel and it blows me away that they were able to pull off his character without CGI. Such a memorably slimy character.
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi (Worst)- The Ewoks were corny, even though I can see what Lucas was going for (the Vietnam parallels). Also, I don't like how Boba Fett went out. So anticlimactic.
Sequel Trilogy/Disney Era:
Episode 7: The Force Awakens (Best)- The actors themselves are very charismatic and likable. John Boyega and Daisy Ridley are both very endearing, and Oscar Isaac does well in spite of his limited screentime. When Han Solo and Chewie came back, it felt like my childhood coming back to life for a split second. The movie is very fresh and a lot of fun throughout the first half, but starts to fall apart in the second half. This movie is pretty safe, but I get why they went this route after the divisive nature of the prequels.
Episode 7: The Force Awakens (Worst)- The biggest issues for me? I don't like how Finn got jobbed out in the end. He doesn't win a single signifcant battle in the movie, and he doesn't even get to celebrate or stand triumphantly after the fact since he ends the movie in a coma. The mjpls-ish treatment of his character makes this movie really hard to rewatch.
It's cool that they wanted to switch up with a female protagonist after six movies about all these dudes, but they were doing too much with Rey. Having her beat Kylo Ren in this movie was a mistake because now there's nothing left for her to shoot for. We aren't going to care about her story if we never get to see the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get there.
Finally, we never get to see the OG trio reunited before Han Solo's death in this movie and Carrie Fisher's death in real life. Such a massively disappointing wasted opportunity.
Rogue One (Best)- They blessed us with that Vader Hallway scene, which really helped us see how terrifying he was in his prime, especially from the perspective of regular grunts. The second half of this movie is way better than the first half, and we get a lot of great action setpieces and a surprisingly gutsy ending.
I like the idea of a Star Wars movie showing us how bad things really were before Luke stepped up.
Rogue One (Worst)- My biggest issue with this movie was that none of these new characters were memorable. I didn't remember any of their names after leaving the theater. The droid had more charisma and swag than all of the human protagonists (except for maybe Donnie Yen's character) combined.
Episode 8: The Last Jedi (Best)-
Episode 8: The Last Jedi (Worst)- They made Rey way too infallible and invincible, which gives us no reason to be scared for her or to care where she ends up. Where was the struggle?
Finn and Rose's subplot is a waste of time that goes absolutely nowhere. Holdo is a garbage leader, and nothing about her character makes any sense. Why didn't she just tell them the plan, or at least call a meeting where she and the crew could get their ideas together. All of the First Order acts like they came straight from Spaceballs, and Snoke gets anticlimactically killed off, so we don't have any real legit villains to be scared of. Worst of all though...
THEY COMPLETELY CHARACTER ASSASSINATED LUKE SKYWALKER ON EVERY LEVEL. We get that it wasn't his story anymore, and that's fine. What's not fine however is turning the character into a total coward that went from laying his life down to redeem Vader to trying to kill his own nephew in his sleep over a premonition without trying to get the kid some help first. We never get to see him pass down any real wisdom to Rey, and we never see him do anything epic (in-person) before the casually kill him off. They completely neutered the hero that inspired an entire generation of young boys to be something great.
What were they thinking?
Solo: A Star Wars Story (Best)- Meh. The movie wasn't awful, but it didn't really do anything particularly noteworthy either. I guess the Kessel run was pretty cool.
Solo: A Star Wars Story (Worst)- That droid on the Millennium Falcon was insufferable. (L3-37)
Episode 9: Rise of Skywalker (Best)- They at least recognized how bad the Last Jedi was and TRIED to fix some of it's issues. For example, we actually see Rey, Finn, and Poe all together doing things. However, the damage was already done and it was way too late at this point.
Episode 9: Rise of Skywalker (Worst)- Nearly every character from the original movies either became irrelevant (3PO and R2D2) or died a miserable failure (Luke, Han, Leia)
Bringing Palpatine back really ruins the whole point of Anakin's redemption arc. They also got really brainless with the climax of the film, especially with thousands of ships showing up at the end. Where did they come from? I thought the Resistance was struggling.
The final battle was also disappointing due to the lack of a deeper narrative layer behind everything.
In the OG movies, the whole saga climaxed with Luke winning by NOT fighting and forgiving his father, which brought him back to the light.
With Rey, the whole thing was just a generic DBZ styled beam struggle.
On top of that, what was the point of having C3PO mindwipe himself (to find the ancient Sith planet) if some other characters are going to show up with the Sith Dagger and a backup of C3PO's memory banks five minutes later?
Episode 7: The Force Awakens (Worst)- The biggest issues for me? I don't like how Finn got jobbed out in the end. He doesn't win a single signifcant battle in the movie, and he doesn't even get to celebrate or stand triumphantly after the fact since he ends the movie in a coma. The mjpls-ish treatment of his character makes this movie really hard to rewatch.
It's cool that they wanted to switch up with a female protagonist after six movies about all these dudes, but they were doing too much with Rey. Having her beat Kylo Ren in this movie was a mistake because now there's nothing left for her to shoot for. We aren't going to care about her story if we never get to see the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get there.
Finally, we never get to see the OG trio reunited before Han Solo's death in this movie and Carrie Fisher's death in real life. Such a massively disappointing wasted opportunity.
Rogue One (Best)- They blessed us with that Vader Hallway scene, which really helped us see how terrifying he was in his prime, especially from the perspective of regular grunts. The second half of this movie is way better than the first half, and we get a lot of great action setpieces and a surprisingly gutsy ending.
I like the idea of a Star Wars movie showing us how bad things really were before Luke stepped up.
Rogue One (Worst)- My biggest issue with this movie was that none of these new characters were memorable. I didn't remember any of their names after leaving the theater. The droid had more charisma and swag than all of the human protagonists (except for maybe Donnie Yen's character) combined.
Episode 8: The Last Jedi (Best)-
Episode 8: The Last Jedi (Worst)- They made Rey way too infallible and invincible, which gives us no reason to be scared for her or to care where she ends up. Where was the struggle?
Finn and Rose's subplot is a waste of time that goes absolutely nowhere. Holdo is a garbage leader, and nothing about her character makes any sense. Why didn't she just tell them the plan, or at least call a meeting where she and the crew could get their ideas together. All of the First Order acts like they came straight from Spaceballs, and Snoke gets anticlimactically killed off, so we don't have any real legit villains to be scared of. Worst of all though...
THEY COMPLETELY CHARACTER ASSASSINATED LUKE SKYWALKER ON EVERY LEVEL. We get that it wasn't his story anymore, and that's fine. What's not fine however is turning the character into a total coward that went from laying his life down to redeem Vader to trying to kill his own nephew in his sleep over a premonition without trying to get the kid some help first. We never get to see him pass down any real wisdom to Rey, and we never see him do anything epic (in-person) before the casually kill him off. They completely neutered the hero that inspired an entire generation of young boys to be something great.
What were they thinking?
Solo: A Star Wars Story (Best)- Meh. The movie wasn't awful, but it didn't really do anything particularly noteworthy either. I guess the Kessel run was pretty cool.
Solo: A Star Wars Story (Worst)- That droid on the Millennium Falcon was insufferable. (L3-37)
Episode 9: Rise of Skywalker (Best)- They at least recognized how bad the Last Jedi was and TRIED to fix some of it's issues. For example, we actually see Rey, Finn, and Poe all together doing things. However, the damage was already done and it was way too late at this point.
Episode 9: Rise of Skywalker (Worst)- Nearly every character from the original movies either became irrelevant (3PO and R2D2) or died a miserable failure (Luke, Han, Leia)
Bringing Palpatine back really ruins the whole point of Anakin's redemption arc. They also got really brainless with the climax of the film, especially with thousands of ships showing up at the end. Where did they come from? I thought the Resistance was struggling.
The final battle was also disappointing due to the lack of a deeper narrative layer behind everything.
In the OG movies, the whole saga climaxed with Luke winning by NOT fighting and forgiving his father, which brought him back to the light.
With Rey, the whole thing was just a generic DBZ styled beam struggle.
On top of that, what was the point of having C3PO mindwipe himself (to find the ancient Sith planet) if some other characters are going to show up with the Sith Dagger and a backup of C3PO's memory banks five minutes later?
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. Didn't care at all when they bought the farm
