The honest answer is that it is a complicated and ugly topic.
The other day people here were commenting on a video where some carribean man was poking a tourist. There was laughter and disgust. What people didn't comment on was the fact that a rape was committed. She told her not to put it in, he did, and then he exited when she reminded him of her initial request.
The problem is that people have a very simplistic understanding of what is. They view it as only occurring when someone is resisting and maybe gets a black eye in the process.
The reality is that it occurs when consent is not present. Consent is not given by silence or the failure to resist.
Once that point is understood, it is easy to see her point. It is more difficult for strangers to be in a position to commit certain types of rape because people have their guard up around them.
Trusted people are more likely to end up in the type of situations where boundaries are not respect e.g. going in after they say they're not comfortable, not stopping when they pull away, not stopping when they say "Stop".
The ugly side is that as an outsider it is difficult to gauge what happened. For the individuals involved, it can be difficult to know what to do. The same way that people get defensive when the topic is brought up is the same way the victim might feel when the implication is ruining a friend's life.
If for example 2 people are in a relationship. They're getting intimate and the woman says it doesn't feel right. The boyfriend tells her to just relax and she freezes up. He does his thing as she feels violated. After the fact, she is going to feel conflicted. She is going to question whether he meant to rape, whether she should have done more to make her feelings known etc.
From the boyfriend's point of view, he is going to think "what the fukk" if she starts trying to talk about how she felt raped.
has she been raped?
