Ha!! I hear you and agree about the kjv, but my books are in storage until i get the library set up, so Google it is.
So let's start with tzelem. Is this true?
If so, it's usage is not as cut and dry as you've made it seem.
The form of the body and its build is not called צלם but rather תאר or תבנית (neither of which is at all applicable to G-d). Since they would say יפת תאר (beautiful appearance), not יפת צלם. And in Judges 8:18, "As you are, so were they; one was as the תאר (to'ar) of the children of the king." The Targum Yonasan (Jgs. 8:18) renders: "One among them appeared like the children of the king"; as you are, so were they, possessing one appearance. To indicate the construction of the parts of a body, they would say, "the תבנית (tavnis) of the Mishkan and the תבנית (tavnis) of all its vessels (Ex. 25:9)." Rather, צלם is used in reference to anything that is made to resemble something else. צלם is derived from the word צל (shadow). With regard to the verses that are mentioned outside of the Torah, namely in nevi'im or prophets, צלם is used, typically as a homonym, and would be applied to anything that was created to resemble something else; like a drawing or painting created to resemble a specific person (Ezk. 23:14), or a statue created to resemble a frame (Ezk. 16:17; 1 Sam. 6:5, 11; 2 Chron. 23:17). Perhaps the reason צלם is used for idols is due to their being worshipped on account of some idea represented by them, not on account of their actual figure and shape. However, it must be admitted that the term צלם is employed in these two cases (1 Sam. 6:5, 11) on account of the external shape. Here צלם is employed as both a homonym and a hybrid designation, and would indicate both the distinct (non-physical) form (that which symbolizes the essence of a thing), and characteristics relating to the proportions and the structure of corporeal bodies; whereas in B'reishis 1:26 and 27 the term צלם symbolizes the distinct form of man, i.e., his intellectual perception or cognizance, his essence, and does not refer to his 'build' or 'shape'.
צלם is first used in B'reishis and applied to man, who is created in the צלם אלקים or image of G-d. This is not proof that the Torah teaches that Hashem has a physical/human form. To the contrary; the Torah makes it clear that Hashem is incorporeal, He is one (Deut. 6:4, from which the shma—the flagship statement of Jewish monotheistic faith—is derived). For something to exist physically, it necessarily follows that there can be two or more of it. By saying Hashem is one, we are denying that there is any multiplicity of Hashem. In Deuteronomy 4:39 we read that "Hashem is the G-d in the Heaven above and on Earth below, there is none other", and a body cannot be in two places at once. Similarly, "All that Hashem wished, He did in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all the depths (Ps. 135:6)." And as it says in Deuteronomy 4:15, "For you did not see any form of any kind the day Hashem spoke to you". And Isaiah 40:25, "To whom shall you compare Me?". G-d forbid there should be attributed a physical form to Hashem. Corporeality is a creation, therefore there must be a beginning; and if there is a beginning so too is there an end. But the one and only G-d is eternal (Genesis 1:1), with neither a beginning nor an end, hence there is no question according to the perspective of the Torah. G-d is infinite, incorporeal, everywhere at all times, and without figure or shape. In the words of Dovid Hamelech: "Where shall I go from Your spirit, and where shall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to the heavens, there You are, and if I make my bed in the grave, behold, You are there (Ps. 139:7-8)." The human soul, the neshoma—the utter essence of man—is exalted above the rest, for it is immortal, and so created in the צלם אלקים, the livingness of Hashem Kel Oylam, the Everlasting G-d.
And, if Adam is not purported to have been a jew (bc, as you alluded, the 'special arrangement' starts with Abraham and Sarah), I don't see why he couldn't have been our common Botswanian(?) ancestor.
Some things we will never have access to, like the burial place of Moshe Rabeinu (lest it be a place of idolatry). Similarly, tradition holds that Adam and Chava were buried in a cave outside of this world, accessed (by the patriarchs) from the Cave of Machpelah which is in Chevron.
The "red" thing is interesting, bc what did it
actually mean? I recently learned the sudanese refer to their darkest people as "green".
There's a whole reason why and I'm sure they've utilized it in all manner of extended metaphors that, if translated, would make no sense to people not of that time and place.
For example, am i to believe that the biblical Adam was literally red colored? The same color of blood? Fresh, oxygenated blood (bright red) or old (a darker reddish brown)?
At one point, Sarah Imeinu was barren, unable to conceive. The restriction of 'Saray' שר
י ("my princess") was liberated with 'Sarah' שר
ה ("princess"). The once-barren princess (of Abraham) could now become the princess (of nations). As we know, the Hebrew letter
hei ה is a very fertile letter. It is considered to be the softest and most feminine of all the letters, and it is the very suffix that makes a word feminine. Therefore, in Hebrew grammar, when you want to switch a word from masculine to feminine, for example, 'Melech' מלך (King), you add a
hei ה to make it 'Malkah' מלכ
ה (Queen). 'Yeled' ילד (Boy) becomes 'Yaldah' ילד
ה (Girl). 'Ish' איש (Man) becomes 'Ishah' אש
ה (Woman). So too with the word 'Adam' אדם (Man). (Here, 'man' means human.) If you add a
hei ה to אדם it becomes 'Adamah' אדמ
ה (Ground). אדמה is the feminine form of אדם .אדם was formed from the אדמה, neither of which represent any one particular batch nor grouping. אדם represents neither white nor black, but rather an amalgamated root from which mankind stems.
Ive never seen a literally red person (just like ive never seen a literally green person). I have, however, seen red soil. It's not red- red, but more reddish brown, cinnamon- colored, like many "black" (not literally black, but brown) people i know.
There's lots of phenomena we don't see today, like someone living 930 years...