i think you can do both. you can understand them in the sense that you understand their motivation and what drives them. and you can love them at the same time meaning you're treating them right, protect them when they need it, etc. the reason it's hard to do is because once you "understand" them you realize that you're being used and it's not even their fault. it's just nature. the trick is to understand it and flip it on them without being abusive (that's the "loving" part)