Art Barr
INVADING SOHH CHAMPION
This is what I think about this episode:
It's time for the first episode of the newly time slotted live Impact Wrestling starring.... I can't believe I'm saying this... Brooke Hogan... this can't be life. Highlights of Roode becoming the BAUCE OF ALL BAUCES becoming the longest reigning TNA World Heavyweight Champion... only to be screwed by being booked into ANOTHER match for tonight. Good Lawd seeing Christie Hemme live all sexy is making me tingle. Bauce Roode is comming down... why is he coming down first is disrespectful to him but I digress. Now here comes a man that Roode already beatened... Joker Sting with his seizure inducing entrance lighting. Damn the lumberjacks are whooping Sting's ass, I don't see The Pope out there but we all know he's apart of Bane's army in The Dark Knight Returns.
Damn those lumberjacks stay whooping on Sting's ass like he was the one that hired Brooke Hogan or something like that. Damn Sting flew over the ropes like someone threw mama from the train... remember that old movie? Wow nice counter from a Scorpion Death Lock into a crossface, Daniel Bryan is smiling somewhere. Oh No.... Scorpion Death Drop... now Scorpion Death Lock... Bauce Roode taps. Sting wins this so I assume now that Sting is getting a title shot at Slammiversary. Hoke Hoegan comes out now and he confirms my assumption and makes the title main event official.. damn I should be the general manager... "TSC POWER!"
Queen Madison clearly not giving a fukk about Brooke Hogan, she getting ready to get piped down by me... I mean a mysterious person. Bully Ray live and uncut for the 90th time calling out Joseph Park out from the crowd. I don't know what this Joseph Park storyline is leading to but I will admit Joseph's facial reactions are always hilarious. Why is Bully threatening to bust everyone in the head? Joseph's silly ass got his ass in the ring for another Dudleyville asswhooping, he gonna need call Franklin & Bash to help him... wait is Bully Ray admiting he's guilty of murdering Abyss? Wait so Bully is threatening to sue Joseph if he gets hit even though Bully already have assaulted him last week... none of this is making sense. So this is all leading to a match at Slammiversary... what the fukk guys?
Crimson's undefeated streak is the most horrible winning streak in wrestling besides the time Sid Vicious became 99-0 in two weeks pinning random people in random matches on Thunder. I just want to lick whipped cream off of Christie. The remaining solo Motor City Machine Gun Chris Sabin about to face Austin Aries... was that D-Lo A-Double was choppin' it up with backstage while he was spraying activator on himself? I like how Taz is putting Sabin's solo career over and reminding us of his gully solo past in the company. Damn this is a great 4 star match we are watching right now, X-Division right now is currently the best thing in wrestling. A Craddleshock countered into a cradle roll up for the win for Austin Aries to retain the X-Division Title. An awesome fukking match, this match > Raw this past month.
Hoke Hogan meeting with Taz? So Taz is gonna be a judge for the GutCheck Votes.... we can't get Ric Flair to do it again making votes he's not supposed to make again? So now we are backstage with Al Snow (without head), Taz and Brother Love or Bruce Prichard or whatever he's called. At least they are saying Joey Ryan is standing out for the good... but Bruce's hating ass is bad mouthing his look, he don't know Ryan's look is TSC Approved. Damn they are admiting that the Twitter fans likes Joey Ryan is better than Alex Silva and they are right. I wonder was it like this with Paul Heyman, Taz and Tommy Dreamer during the original ECW days with these kind of discussions?
So we gotta pick who's Devon's opponent from: Based Hardy, Based Van Dam, Anderson Anderson, and one of the Cardigan Robbies.... this can't be life. I hear some country music playing, it must be MILF Dixie Carter tearing precious time away from banging AJ Styles to grace her presence to the Impact Zone. Did she say "September 10" is Slammiversary? BOTCH! Wait... did she say they are gonna have a TNA Hall of Fame?! She better be announcing Prime Time Elix Skipper into the Hall of Fame or there is no Hall of Fame. Dixie is calling out Brroke Hogan and I can hear some boos in the crowd. It's funny that I just saw the AVN Awards on Showtime last week because Brooke looks like she can do some low budget porn in that outfit. So Brooke is all of a suddely supposed to be a wrestling expert, Dixie should have called back Lacy Von Eric at least Lacy is a WWE Hall of Famer. I know TSC poster Black must be enjoying this segment. Daniels and Kaz are not impressed and they are right, Dixie didn't bring up the Styles scandal... for shame!
So time for a Slammiversary highlight.... Captain Charisma Christian Cage making an Instant Classic debut to TNA. Good Lawd Christie I wanna drink tequila out of your belly button, she announced the hardest working black man since slave Teddy Long, the Television Champion Devon. So according to Twitter... Based Hardy wins the vote and gets the shot... and he looks so unexcited about it but atleast it's not a rematch with Garrett Bischoff. A pretty decent match so far... oh snap the Cardigan Robbies interefered making this match a No Contest. At least a black man holds on to his belt so we'll take this default victory. The spirit of the Hardy Boys and Dudley Boys working together to beat on the Robbies. More highlights of James Storm on his ranch still being shooked from his Robert Roode loss... seeds planted for the rematch at Bound For Glory. This is how you build up a match Cena, damn now Storm is shooked from his daughter's questions... he's a troubled soul.
So now it's time for the second GutCheck Voting for Joey Ryan, Bruce looks like he's gonna hate but we'll see. Joey coming out all swagged out... he needs some Alexis Texas looking valet to be with him. Damn Joey is just swagging out on the mic, he's confident as hell and he should be. Bruce votes... No, damn Bruce really is a fukking hater. Al votes... Yes, he sounded salty but still he voted correctly. Damn now Joey is shooting on the judges, Joey Ryan is money. Why is Taz trying to boss up to Joey? Taz voted... No, he voted No?! What the hell just happened?! fukk This Company... EVERYWEEK! How the fukk does wack ass Alex Silva get a contract but trill ass Joey Ryan doesn't get a contract? I call bullshyt!
Da Champ Robert Roode in London, England receiving love from the foreigners. London approves of Roode just like TSC approves of Roode. So now for the main event... for the 149th time... Christopher Daniels vs AJ Styles, don't get me wrong these two guys have good matches together but goddamn they fought each other the most in the past 10 yeara than any other two wrestlers. I gotta put this match on mute cause Taz's voice is pissing me off, fukk Taz! Styles is beating Daniel's ass for snitching about his jumpoff Dixie... his wife didn't need to know she thinks AJ is wrestling when he's on the road all the time. Damn Styles wins with his flip reverse ddt... the second time I've seen that end a match.
Damn Kaz is beat the hell out of AJ... oh snap Killer Kurt is out to even the odds and saving his tag partner. Damn Kaz and Daniels are using s bootleg version of the Eliminator's "Total Elimination" on Kurt, now they tied Kurt to the ring ropes bounty hunter style. Daniels got a live mic talking about he has MORE PROOF of AJ and Dixie's affair... oh snap he has audio telephone proof that Serge Carter shares that girl, Dixie is creeping. This would be Season 6 of The Wire if McNulty didn't create that bullshyt homeless man killer. OH SNAP DIXIE IS WILDING OUT ON COMMENTARY... THIS STORYLINE IS GETTING GOOOD! Overall this live episode wa pretty good, damn sure better than Raw. Hopefully Daniels has a pair of Dixie's moist panties as more proof next week, holla!
incredible rant,..and it was better than keith and his new guy's rant over on rspw.
art barr