Ok, I've had a bit of time to digest.
This is a TWO STAR Mania. One of the worst I can remember, but it's still a Wrestlemania and that probably edges it up to a three star PPV.
Camera work and direction was terrible all night. Frequently missed spots and had to cut to immediate replays (Sasha's frog splash, few moments in the Cell too). Someone needs firing.
Kalisto/Ryback - meh. They actually work well together and Ryback's good with the vocals in the ring, but it's hard to get hype for this. A heel title run for Ryback could be good.
Divas Division Commemorative Bullshyt Tag - Better than expected. Emma showed OUT. Lana looked amazing. Predictable result. Create a womens tag title. They need to be able to fuel a couple of female angles now.... there's too much talent for this sort of clusterfukk.
Divas Announcement - Strap got pop of the night so far. Looks beautiful. Surely after Sasha's Christmas tweet it's gotta be hers, right? RIGHT?
Dudleys/USOs - Piss break. fukk the USOs. Dudleys get major props for trying to build young tag teams lately, but the USOs are bushes status.
Intercontinental Ladder Match - Highlight of the night so far, but not on the level of the recent TLC ladder matches. Owens is an agile fukking FOOL who'll be walking like Mick Foley in a couple of decades. The Sami/Owens feud arguably doesn't need a strap in the middle of it. Result was stupid though - they're just setting up because they know they've got a smark crowd tomorrow night at Raw. Should've been Owens retention or Miz.
Jericho/Styles - Jericho stays building these new dudes and indie darlings. Good, solid match but they should've let Styles get the 2-0 here... unless we're going to get a stip decider, but that looks unlikely unless Jericho's kids have a long vacation coming up that he needs to stay away for.
New Day/LoN - The ENTRANCE. The OUTFITS. I'll forgive them a slightly lacklustre promo for alllllll the shyt they got right. Francesca pimped outchea. Match was eh, result was SOME BULLshyt until I realised it was non-title and then realised the whhoooooollle match was SOME BULLshyt.
Some Legend Bullshyt - Three broken down old men bury four prime-of-their-life champions and then give away the beers Stone Cold hands out. Waste. These segments solely to show old wrestlers are wack as fukk... if they've gotta be involved PUT THEM IN THE ANGLES. fukkING RUN INS.
Lesnar/Ambrose - Disappointing as hell. Needed blood given how much they've had on recent Raws. No interesting weapons. Couple of good spots, but meh. Dean didn't look that strong. Brock didn't look that bothered.
WOMENS Championship Match - MOTN EASILY. The only 4* (it's not a 5, it just felt like it after the rest of the show) on the card. All three of them went HARD. Couple of nervous-botches (especially from The Boss) but apart from that this was superb storytelling... some great spots, some great WRESTLING and a fukkery ending that has built Charlotte even more into the heel role. I was expecting Sasha and cheering for Becky, but I'm not mad at this at all. Charlotte is becoming a great heel. She's got the perfect face/expression for it. When Sasha finally takes that strap and turns heel on Becky/Bayley it's gonna be LIT AS ALL fukkING HELL.
Hell In A Cell - Possible GOAT Taker entrance. How does that never get old? Nice to see Simba's cubs, but what the fukk was he doing bringing them out for THIS? Awful match that will live in the memory for the phenomenal performance from Shane McMahon. They had no proper angle. Taker was blown up after about 5 minutes. Shane put that entire fukking company on his back, climbed the Cell and the rest is history. Taker's "I don't believe you really just did that" reaction was brilliant - I really thought he might lie down for Simba for a second. Give him the damn keys.
Andre Battle Royal - I was really starting to run low on time so I tried to skip through some of this, but ended up going back after realising what I was missing. I'm not a big Battle Royal fan but this is how you do throwaway intros for celebs, legends, newbies and reliable draws without proper current angles. Great to see DDP (should've brought Jake doe). Shaq! Baron winning! Surprisingly good!
Triple H/Roman Reigns - I might be the only person on here that enjoyed Stephanie's promo, but H's whole intro bit from Lucha Underground HARRRRRRRD. Steph in the Shao Khan throne. Trips surrounded by the Disciples of Death carrying WWE straps. I fukking love a good Trips entrance tbh. Solid match honestly and the right result, but Reigns is still boring. 3 or 4 good moves and his little sequence into the winning spear is starting to feel like Hogan's big boot. Turn him heel NOW. He's ready.
