I turn 26 this year. Nobody will celebrate it. I usually don't, but I'm gping to blow out a candle this year. I knew when I six years old nobody would care about me until I could do something for them.
I'm nobody's brother or friend. I never have been. I've had to earn things people are born with.
The world is a very different place when you're on your own. It's hard to carry on when no one loves you. That's why some of us are so cold. luckily for me I love literature so I've always read about love and invited it into my life.
26 means a lot to me. I wasn't supposed to live this long. I awoke this AM to the voice Aaliyah. I went to sleep reading about Tupac.
I almost cried thinking about how young 22 and 25 really are. I thought about every black man my age and younger waking up in jail this AM. I thought about every black baby waking up to nothing but the cold and hunger pains.
I think about Pac and I having to fight every second of everyday to be alive. Just to be allowed to be disrespected. Everyday is war. I battle with evil everyday.
The evil in me and the evils of the world. I will bleed and die for my ideas and loved ones. I will bleed and die for people I've never met. That's why I'm alive. I was born to die for something.
I expected to die a young man. I might get another 20 years I think. The world has to change for me or the world will change me.
I will never understand this society. First they try to murder me then they lie to me. I've witnessed my own death many times. I've had people attempt to take my life. But I'm still here.
Most my friends are dead. In jail. Or have kids. And I know my enemies are coming for me and will exploit any moment of weakness I have.
I remember trying to have a baby with every girl I loved because I wanted a part of me to remain. A side people can appreciate. I went full throttle when I was younger because I didn't expect to live this long.
Lol its funny, I really did accomplish everything I wanted at a young age because I thought I was going to die. It's time to slow down and enjoy the ride. On the other hand I had the goals of young man.
Heaven and hell are on Earth. I've been to heaven. shyt ain't for me. Hell isn't either though. I feel like I'm on fire all the time. I'm in hell every second of everyday.
If God gives me another 26 years on this Earth, and God I sincerely hope you will, I will honor you. This life ain't shyt without you and I appreciate whatever path you steer me down.
One day I will fall again. And I will rise. I could lose my job and have to start at 0 again and im okay with that. Take all this shyt back. It's just shyt. It meant nothing to me as soon as I acquired it.
Only reason I got it was to destroy my enemies. I got what they wanted just to show them I could. lol I let them have it. You can't take something from me if I never wanted it and it was never mine.
To all my hood nikkas. Know you are god's chosen people. You were given the hardest path to travel because you are the most gifted group of people on this planet.
Nobody cries for us when we die. I read about poor people getting killed in Oakland everyday. Nobody gives a fukk about us. I do, know I care.
Everything I do is for the hood. Life is far more than we're allowed to see. I've seen it, not often, but I have seen it.
The ghetto is what we make it. But we can't make it nice until we've seen the benefits of being nice. I see the world for what it is, beyond the black and white.
It's all about perception. And how we view the world is warped. How we're presented and allowed to interact with the world is controlled by people that ain't us. We have to decide to reject their hatred of us, in turn, we won't hate ourselves, and we'll see something old in a different light.
What kept slaves enslaved wasn't the shackles. It was racism being exercised by courts, city planners, employers, and educators. When every institution tells you you're not shyt it weights down the spirit.
I don't care if you work at McDonald's holding down that graveyard shift. You are self made because nobody gave you a job. You went and found a job to do something for yourself.
Doing for yourself makes you self made. It has nothing to do with money or education. Make a decision today about the rest of your life. Will you do what you know is right or will you continue that fake shyt?
We'll be okay because we're righteous. I could get killed by one of the bullets I hear being fired everyday. These punk ass police might kill me one day. I might kill myself one day. I might die of natural causes.
I hope my death inspires somebody with nothing to pick up the ball where ever I leave it. All it takes is a conscious. Genuinely care about something and the people around you. We don't gotta hate or attack anyone because that's evil and some weak shyt.
