Where, if any, does dating/relationships fit in your goals?

[Rawtid]

I have a lot of goals for myself, mainly financial and health related, but I realized that "a man" has never been apart of that equation (lol and I'm not interested in women either). All of my friends are either in relationships or looking for them, so I often find myself trying to "fit in" with the convo when these topics come up.

Just got me to wondering how you ladies envision your love life and how it integrates in your master plan? If you're already in a relationship, have you still been able to fulfill your individual goals and maintain the relationship?

 

[Yinny]

I’ve accepted that what I want (marriage and children) is going to take a long time and a different approach. Dating, I have to be quicker to address red or yellow flags and not okay along with something that doesn’t or stops giving me long-term, more serious vibes. I’m such a Taurus though in that regard and will literally waste my own time.

My master plan isn’t incompatible with love but when in love I do get distracted, it’s something I know about myself and I’ve matured a lot from puppy days but I still get more comfortable with “happy” procrastinating than I should. That’s on me.

It’s about 30% of my focus and I’m always “open“ but I require a partner who’s willing to at least listen to and respect my professional and personal goals-if he can financially support or otherwise, even better but not an initial expectation.

 

[Rawtid]

I’ve accepted that what I want (marriage and children) is going to take a long time and a different approach. Dating, I have to be quicker to address red or yellow flags and not okay along with something that doesn’t or stops giving me long-term, more serious vibes. I’m such a Taurus though in that regard and will literally waste my own time.

My master plan isn’t incompatible with love but when in love I do get distracted, it’s something I know about myself and I’ve matured a lot from puppy days but I still get more comfortable with “happy” procrastinating than I should. That’s on me.

It’s about 30% of my focus and I’m always “open“ but I require a partner who’s willing to at least listen to and respect my professional and personal goals-if he can financially support or otherwise, even better but not an initial expectation.

Sorry for the delayed response, but thank you for answering and I love your answer. Very self aware and honest of you.

The bold is something I've done when I was younger and because of it, perfected the the concept of "disconnection". LOL I remember dating this guy for two years while looking for my house and thinking back, he wasn't involved in the process at all. I never spoke about the multiple properties I saw weekend after weekend, my decision to get my real estate license, inspections, settlement, NONE OF IT! And it was such a huge part of my life. That's why I never included dating or love into my master plan.

 

[Yinny]

Sorry for the delayed response, but thank you for answering and I love your answer. Very self aware and honest of you.

The bold is something I've done when I was younger and because of it, perfected the the concept of "disconnection". LOL I remember dating this guy for two years while looking for my house and thinking back, he wasn't involved in the process at all. I never spoke about the multiple properties I saw weekend after weekend, my decision to get my real estate license, inspections, settlement, NONE OF IT! And it was such a huge part of my life. That's why I never included dating or love into my master plan.

Did you decide not to share with him or was he just generally unsupportive so you stopped talking about it?

 

[TeenyTurner]

To personally answer your thread title question... I'll begin with saying that I'm recently single from a relationship that faltered due to separate goals. Together we knew there was a disconnection concerning our main paths, but also we had connections that kept us locked in. And I'll tell you it was a mistake for us to try to hold on and attempt to compromise. It turned into me turning into someone I that I didn't recognize. It had me thinking that dating or having a relationship couldn't mesh with my personal goals. But hindsight is 20/20. I learned that I had to keep on regulating, balancing, and focusing on my goals. Now, I'm handling all of my business professionally, personally, and penisally. It's all about maintaining yourself first in order to be comfortable enough to deal with someone else.

Tl;dr Me thinks it's definitely possible if you want it, but make sure you don't lose track of yourself and/or your goals.

Also, I have friends, acquaintances, and family members that are in long term relationships. Or have been in various relationships. And I've never felt a need to "fit in" because their "fit" isn't mine. And they know my "fit" isn't theres.

 

[ThaRealness]

I definitely could fukk with a girlfriend. But if she don't come my way, I got other things cooking

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

I’m the universe. My dreams and goals are stars. Love is the rich darkness those stars are embedded in. Wouldn’t really be able to see a manifestation of my life purpose and goals without it.
(Yes I’m high gurl...don’t judge me)

 

[Rawtid]

Did you decide not to share with him or was he just generally unsupportive so you stopped talking about it?

At the time, I didn't feel it was any of his business. I know that's odd, but I don't think I prioritized it much to bring it up in conversation although it was a pretty big deal. Honestly I do that a lot...not talk about myself. I could have had the craziest day and I'll be like "Yeah everything was good...kinda busy, but overall fine" lol. I'm used to being the listener in my dynamics, so I'm just used to keeping those things to myself.

I’m the universe. My dreams and goals are stars. Love is the rich darkness those stars are embedded in. Wouldn’t really be able to see a manifestation of my life purpose and goals without it.
(Yes I’m high gurl...don’t judge me)

Hmmm interesting. So if you didn't find "love", well romantic love because we most of us are surrounded by love, you wouldn't be able to fulfill your life's purpose? I get that, especially if you tie being a mother to being a wife. While I'm not an advocate for out of wedlock births, I'm happy I had my daughter and glad I didn't tie marriage with having children. An ex co-worker of mine, older woman well into menopause, told me how she wanted to have children, but she never had the opportunity to be married. I felt so horrible for her With that said I have ONE child...she is 12. I was not about to be out here recklessly having children. That's just irresponsible.

 

[Rawtid]

To personally answer your thread title question... I'll begin with saying that I'm recently single from a relationship that faltered due to separate goals. Together we knew there was a disconnection concerning our main paths, but also we had connections that kept us locked in. And I'll tell you it was a mistake for us to try to hold on and attempt to compromise. It turned into me turning into someone I that I didn't recognize. It had me thinking that dating or having a relationship couldn't mesh with my personal goals. But hindsight is 20/20. I learned that I had to keep on regulating, balancing, and focusing on my goals. Now, I'm handling all of my business professionally, personally, and penisally. It's all about maintaining yourself first in order to be comfortable enough to deal with someone else.

Tl;dr Me thinks it's definitely possible if you want it, but make sure you don't lose track of yourself and/or your goals.

Also, I have friends, acquaintances, and family members that are in long term relationships. Or have been in various relationships. And I've never felt a need to "fit in" because their "fit" isn't mine. And they know my "fit" isn't theres.

Yeah, that's another thing with dating; the amount of time you can waste. In the past I've ignored so many red flags because I was too lazy to start again and it could have saved me a year or two. You're so right about maintaining yourself first! It's the only way you'll be able to put maximum effort into the association, imo.

 

[Rawtid]

I definitely could fukk with a girlfriend. But if she don't come my way, I got other things cooking

Have you already factored in how a relationship could impact those things or its more of a filler to keep you busy?

 

[TeenyTurner]

Yeah, that's another thing with dating; the amount of time you can waste. In the past I've ignored so many red flags because I was too lazy to start again and it could have saved me a year or two. You're so right about maintaining yourself first! It's the only way you'll be able to put maximum effort into the association, imo.

I honestly believe that ignoring red flags in order to stay in a relationship is a mistake that a lot of us make due to considering time put in. In relationships I've looked the other way on a few things that had me flummoxed, but at the end of my thought process I rationalized some shyt solely based on time. I felt that certain transgressions were a drop in the bucket compared to the time we had together. That's wrong. All those inches given turn into miles. By then you're hurt, overly emotional, and wanting out. But, certain instances aren't to be fretted on. People get on each other's nerves. Being mad about smacking while eating, not replacing the toilet paper, continuing to watch a series without you...things along those lines...aren't worth having a fit over. We all have our limits, and individually we know what's serious and what's not. Also, I agree with the last sentence of your post. If I'm not putting maximum effort into myself then how could I possible put ANY effort into associating with someone who may have their own (minor) issues? That's how people get caught up. I've been told it's, "Wounded puppy syndrome."

 

[TeenyTurner]

I’m the universe. My dreams and goals are stars. Love is the rich darkness those stars are embedded in. Wouldn’t really be able to see a manifestation of my life purpose and goals without it.
(Yes I’m high gurl...don’t judge me)

Not too far fetched. We're all made of the same atoms of stars.

 

[Dwolf]

 

[Rawtid]

I honestly believe that ignoring red flags in order to stay in a relationship is a mistake that a lot of us make due to considering time put in. In relationships I've looked the other way on a few things that had me flummoxed, but at the end of my thought process I rationalized some shyt solely based on time. I felt that certain transgressions were a drop in the bucket compared to the time we had together. That's wrong. All those inches given turn into miles. By then you're hurt, overly emotional, and wanting out. But, certain instances aren't to be fretted on. People get on each other's nerves. Being mad about smacking while eating, not replacing the toilet paper, continuing to watch a series without you...things along those lines...aren't worth having a fit over. We all have our limits, and individually we know what's serious and what's not. Also, I agree with the last sentence of your post. If I'm not putting maximum effort into myself then how could I possible put ANY effort into associating with someone who may have their own (minor) issues? That's how people get caught up. I've been told it's, "Wounded puppy syndrome."

The bold is NOTHING but the truth and that's with anyone we have close associations with, whether it be a romantic relationship, your sister, best friend, brother or whoever else. I think outside of romantic associations, we tend to be more lenient though because we don't have to deal with them as much lol. And you're right, what's serious to to one person may not be a big deal to others.

Overall, I'm not an anti-dating/relationship person, I'm anti-dating/relationships FOR ME. I absolutely thinks MOST people would thrive in a healthy association, but I may have been privy to the inter workings too many terrible relationships and even when things go well, the trial and error of finding a good relationship is something I've decided is an unnecessary process.