On behalf of everyone at The Root, I would like to apologize. We are truly sorry.
We are that you are so fragile that you feel bullied by a few articles. I’m sorry that your tiny, inadequate penises egos are made flaccid by the idea that black women might possibly recognize your ain’t shytness.
I’m sorry that you believe that the simple existence of anyone who isn’t straight and male might take your spot in the social hierarchy. I’m sorry that The Root’s invisible “gay agenda” threatens your sexuality. I’m sorry your feeble idea of blackness and masculinity keeps you up at night fearing you might wake up gay or white. I’m sorry that your opinion of black people is so low that you think a people who survived slavery, Jim Crow and the Mid-Atlantic slave trade could be destroyed by words on the internet.
But most of all, I’m sorry that I laughed at you.
To be fair, I only laughed at how these feeble-minded Woke-teps will share the links to the white-owned media outlets who blatantly scour The Root’s site to see what black people are up to. But even though The Root employs a grand total of zero whites, and a white person has never told me what I should, could or couldn’t write, these supposedly pro-black warriors obviously think white people do it better.
They are willing to trust sites “mainstream” media sites with half The Root’s audience because these conscious charlatans automatically distrust anything written by black hands. Go look through the hashtags and see how many links to black media these butthurt warriors have shared on their white-owned Twitter profiles. I couldn’t find any, but I was probably laughing too hard.
To be fair, I can’t honestly dispute the allegation that The Root is white-owned—mostly because I don’t have a clue who makes up the consortium of investment firms that owns Univision. All I know is that the site was founded and run by black people since it’s inception.
The reason we find this hashtag is so hilarious is that it sounds exactly like Tucker Carlson, the “It’s OK To Be White” movement and the people who slam us for any article that neglects to mention black women, trans people, gays or people who actually like raisins in their potato salad.
Despite the fact that the men employed as writers at The Root are all straight black males, we are apparently guilty of furthering our own annihilation. If we end up destroying straight black men, then ultimately we will end up destroying ourselves, too, which should make everyone happy.
But until that day comes, to the strong black men who took to Twitter whose cute little #YouToo movement is preventing the straight black male genocide, I assure you all that #TheRootArticles will be more careful in the future not to upset your brittle spirits. I never knew that black men could cry white tears.
I stand corrected.
But by all means, keep that hilarious hashtag going.
I’m cool with that.
