The Official Outlaw Vern review appreciation thread!

[TheGodling]

http://www.outlawvern.com

It's about time we paid some tribute to the greatest movie critic since Roger Ebert passed away. Known for his often hilarious, off-the-wall but still remarkably in-depth reviews and his self-proclaimed goal to "promote smarter, more in-depth studies of disrespected genres like direct-to-video action", it's pretty much the only place on the web where you can find reviews of 80's DTV, classic blaxploitation and the latest award-winning arthouse picture side to side with unique insight in what makes them tick.

But nothing sums up Outlaw Vern better than the brilliance of how he approaches scenes/details/actors in movies through his hilarious views (random tidbits chosen by me but I strongly suggest picking a random favorite of you and seeing if he has a review on it):

On serial killer cinema, from the Prisoners review:

"I think because of a couple of Fincher’s movies there’s this idea that there’s something deep and philosophical to find in stories of killers and the men who obsess over finding them. Didn’t that Nietzsche guy say something about something something THE ABYSS something serial killers? And isn’t Nietzsche supposed to be, like, some kind of deep guy? With depth? I believe so, but I’m not sure there’s a whole lot there."

On Enemy:

"As good as Gyllenhaal is and as much as I hope these two continue to be a team, don’t you think this one would be even better as a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie? He loves to play twins or clones and he already is a movie star and it would be cool to see him giving a college lecture. We could assume the Belgium accent was a French Canadian type deal and I’m sure he’d be filming something else in Canada at the time anyway so it would be easier to get him there. And best of all, they would definitely keep the same title! I’m surprised there isn’t already a Van Damme movie called ENEMY."

On audience reactions from Drive:

"It’s kinda funny. Why is it that the people least open to seeing a different type of movie than they expected are the same ones that don’t know how to take 2 minutes to read what a movie is before they go see it? But it’s also kinda befuddling. I can sense that this style is gonna be challenging for certain people but I can’t really understand exactly why. I mean it’s not THE TRANSPORTER 2 but it’s not exactly LAST YEAR AT MARIENBAD either. It’s only 100 minutes long, it begins, middles and ends with a bang, it has several really interesting characters played by recognizable and good looking Hollywood actors, some strong relationships, scary bad guys, better action than is generally allowed these days (cars, guns, punching, stabbing), a couple laughs, a bunch of shocks.


But it’s quiet. That’s it. They don’t talk alot, and Refn likes to let the camera sit still and watch an actor’s face. I guess these days people can’t even wipe their ass without watching part of a youtube video, sending 3 text messages and updating their Teen Friendpalz status to “wiping ass watching part of y-tube v. & texting x3 ;p” so to ask them to enjoy a little mood and atmosphere for more than 10 seconds is equivalent to some horrendous torture Torquemeda would’ve come up with during the Inquisition but was too timid to try it out."

On Only God Forgives:

"As of now this is the year’s very best Danish-French co-production filmed in Thailand that is dedicated to Alejandro Jodorowsky and has an American former Mickey Mouse Club star, and I will be surprised if it doesn’t at least make it into the top 5 of those at the end of the year."

On Interstellar:

"Cooper constantly annoys his kids with nostalgia about how great it was when we used to invent all the time and explore and shyt, but now we just farm. The hardest part to swallow is when we learn that the school system has revised all textbooks to claim that the Apollo missions were faked. It doesn’t seem like that’s supposed to be the truth, it’s just what The Man wants you to believe. I’m not sure I really understand why. So kids will be want to be farmers instead of astronauts? I’m just surprised that this “my kid wants to be an astronaut and refuses to learn how to drive the tractor” problem is widespread enough to inspire such a conspiracy. But maybe they’re also teaching ‘em that rappers, movie stars, basketball players and celebrity heiresses were a hoax."

On the Darren Wilson non-indiction news:

"I feel like I can’t just post more of my usual dumb movie reviews without first acknowledging the huge cloud of bummer hanging over the country today. But also I have no words, and I don’t even really want to discuss it. We all know it sucks, and if you don’t know it sucks please don’t come here and tell me about it because nobody deserves to hear from your dumb ass today. Show some respect.

I want to say something like “Let’s all just pledge to do what we can to make things better,” but I have no idea how we would do that. I think back to 20 years ago and the Rodney King verdict. Seems like the only thing that’s changed is that it happens so often that we saw this one coming. And also those guys didn’t kill him and at least had to go on trial.

But I’m not going to get into it. Instead I will turn, as I often do, to Stevie. He knows how to turn anger into something beautiful."