Essential The Official Football (Soccer) Thread - We are SO back, the Premier League returns!
Julius Skrrvin
I be winkin' through the scope
dennis roadman
nuclear war in my bag
Julius Skrrvin
I be winkin' through the scope
bigmanting
Banned
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.Alright brehs, after a delay. Here's Grams Malzahn playbook to dealing with females as a #MidnightBoy. You fairer negros may also use this too
Zone Read – Simple enough, you're looking to see if the girl is interested like Quarterbacks read the D pause.
- Zone Read Keep aka QB Keeper – The Quarterback reads the zone and decides he will go after the yards and take it himself. You see what a girl is saying, like what you see and you go for after her
- Zone Read Hand-off/pitch/shovel pass – When the QB thinks, “nah long for man” after reading the defensive scheme and dishes it off to his tailback. You realize it's not worth it to go after her, maybe the girl has issues, glaring red flags, will take too much effort/maintenance, she's just not that into you, and you let the next man have a chance at her.
Draw Play – Trying to get a girl thirsty for you by purposely flaking on her. Similarly to how the QB draws pass rushers defense down the field so the tailback can get more gaps in the running lanes, your IDFWUness (I don't fukk with you) draws the girl to your dikk pause and leaves her more open to get smashed
Play Action – Offenses ground and pound the ball down the field using running plays and then dial up a play action fake in hopes of catching defenses off guard and open cuz they're looking for the run play. You keep hitting a girl up and in response she L'z ya shyt: #long response times, vague/cryptic responses, EVEN WORSE – the one word “lol” texts. Finally she starts showing you love. Maybe she starting to feel you, but it's probably because she's bored (longforman). Flip the script on her and start L'ing her shyt like she L'd you. Like the draw play, she gets drawn to your dikk pause because of the IDFWU factor and she was expecting your thirst (run play). Because she got fooled, she's wide open now.
Shotgun Offense – Teams will go to the shotgun formation in passing situations (most of the time). The quarterback stands farther back from the line of scrimmage than he would in a regular formation. This allows more time for the QB to be set whilst his receivers are running routes. It also gives the linesman more space and time to block pass rushers. Plenty of guys ask girls out through text. It's not face to face so the guy won't be physically sweating all over himself and he won't have to face rejection DIRECTLY. Just like QB's are calmer in the gun and won't have pass rushers in his face directly off the snap. When defensive players see the shotgun formation, they know that a pass is coming up and they can prepare for it. When girls receive “that text”, they have time to prepare for it as well. They have time to screenshot the text to all her guurrrrrls and discuss what she's about to do. She has time to concoct some bullshyt reason as to why she cannot go out with you. Since the snap is longer in shotgun formation, there's a higher chance for a botched snap. Since texting is less “personal” there's a higher chance a girl will be flaking on man.
Pistol Offense– Same as shotgun but closer to scrimmage. Ambushing a girl by calling her is more effective than texting. She does not have the time to make up some BS excuse. However, since it's not face to face, she can still L ya shyt easily.
Under Center- Best way to ask girls out is face to face because unless she truly does not fukk with you at all, she would not want to reject you flat out to your face. She also can't make up the “I'm busy” or “I gotta study” excuse on the fly without making it awkward. I personally seen this happen to my Jewish nikkaMe and him were getting takeout for lunch and he asked this girl he knew out on a date for later that night cuz she just happened to be there. This bytch was SCRAMBLING OUTTA POCKET to think of anything, any reason to not go. First she said “I gotta do a paper” and my breh was like “who does papers on Friday nights?
” then my breh offered to help her with her the paper then they could go out. She said summat like “yeaaaa no I'm really tired. I was thinking about staying in anyway :avbehh:” The second hand embarrassment was so fukking BAD :omgih: If a girl likes you none of that “I gotta see” shyt is relevant. She'll say yeah
Screen Pass – Easy quick short pass by the QB. Easy gyal to smash. If the QB is not careful, the pass may be picked off and ran back easily for a pick six. If the pass travels backwards and the receiver drops it, it's a fumble. If you're not careful smashing easy gyal, you may catch STDs. Worse, you can get her pregnant. Go raw in girls you don't want mothering your child brehs.
Checkdown– Similar to the screen pass except the screen pass is a designed play. The checkdown is the last resort a QB has when all his receivers are covered or he isn't confident enough to make a throw. The checkdown is the easy gyal you hit up when all the other gyal you tried something with didn't give you play.
Spike – Similar to the previous two, it's an easy gyal. Quarterbacks spike the ball when they absolutely have to stop the clock. Us man go for spikes (easy gyal) when we are in a “Let my people gooooo” Jewish exile desert drought and we absolutely needed to get our shyt wet pause. Doesn't matter how LOOSE or BUSTED they are, we settle for that loss of downs (loss of dignity).
Hot Route– Very similar to the Spike. You don't necessarily have to be in a serious drought but the roast (hornyness no homo) is so strong you would want to smash any girl with two legs. Like a QB who is desperate to avoid the sack/blitz, you go to the hot route to relieve yourself of the roast (blitz)
Flea Flicker – Passing a girl to your bro when you're done with herThis play allows receivers to get separation and get open. The girl is wide open for ya boy
However, defenses may be hip to this and not fall for it, causing an incomplete pass. Even worse, the thrower might force a throw when it isn't there and get intercepted. A girl may be hip to you wanting to pass her to the bros and she won't have it. If you force it on her...she's gonna cry gang rape brehs
One Read – Another way of saying oneitis. One read Quarterbacks can't move through their progressions and fail to look for another open receiver when their #1 receiver isn't open. These QB's are undesirable to GM's just like clingy nikkas are unattractive/undesirable to girls.
Jet Sweep - When receivers are motioned by the Quarterbacks to be running backs in order to catch the defense slipping and hit a big play. This play can be great (Percy Harvin in the Super Bowl) or result in a bad loss of yards (Auburn vs Mississippi St. this season) As a breh, especially a #MidnightBoy, sometimes you gotta step out of your element (like a receiver becoming a running back). This may work perfectly and you bag some girls (first down or more) or could be disastrous and cause you to NEVER wanna leave your comfort zone (loss of yards, possibly a fumble due to lack of experience in receiving hand offs, tosses)
Hail Mary – When this play is dialed up, you know it's very unlikely to work. It's a no risk, high reward situation so you go for that 55 yard bomb for the win. You see a girl that's soooo fukking bad you think there's no way you can secure that, no way. But why not, the worst that can happen is a rejection (batted down/incomplete pass). If she's a complete bytch, she might call you ugly and or go off on you for even attempting to draw her (101 yard interception return)But at the apex, it's the unlikely touchdown reception (she likes the way you stepped to her and is feeling you; you get her number and arrange a date and dem tings).
There's prob alotta typos but allow me brehs. Tell me what you think. I'm tryna step my writing game up, seen? :ohmydayz:
Scottie Drippin
Should Never Mention Me
Alright brehs, after a delay. Here's Grams Malzahn playbook to dealing with females as a #MidnightBoy. You fairer negros may also use this too
Zone Read – Simple enough, you're looking to see if the girl is interested like Quarterbacks read the D pause.
- Zone Read Keep aka QB Keeper – The Quarterback reads the zone and decides he will go after the yards and take it himself. You see what a girl is saying, like what you see and you go for after her
- Zone Read Hand-off/pitch/shovel pass – When the QB thinks, “nah long for man” after reading the defensive scheme and dishes it off to his tailback. You realize it's not worth it to go after her, maybe the girl has issues, glaring red flags, will take too much effort/maintenance, she's just not that into you, and you let the next man have a chance at her.
Draw Play – Trying to get a girl thirsty for you by purposely flaking on her. Similarly to how the QB draws pass rushers defense down the field so the tailback can get more gaps in the running lanes, your IDFWUness (I don't fukk with you) draws the girl to your dikk pause and leaves her more open to get smashed
Play Action – Offenses ground and pound the ball down the field using running plays and then dial up a play action fake in hopes of catching defenses off guard and open cuz they're looking for the run play. You keep hitting a girl up and in response she L'z ya shyt: #long response times, vague/cryptic responses, EVEN WORSE – the one word “lol” texts. Finally she starts showing you love. Maybe she starting to feel you, but it's probably because she's bored (longforman). Flip the script on her and start L'ing her shyt like she L'd you. Like the draw play, she gets drawn to your dikk pause because of the IDFWU factor and she was expecting your thirst (run play). Because she got fooled, she's wide open now.
Shotgun Offense – Teams will go to the shotgun formation in passing situations (most of the time). The quarterback stands farther back from the line of scrimmage than he would in a regular formation. This allows more time for the QB to be set whilst his receivers are running routes. It also gives the linesman more space and time to block pass rushers. Plenty of guys ask girls out through text. It's not face to face so the guy won't be physically sweating all over himself and he won't have to face rejection DIRECTLY. Just like QB's are calmer in the gun and won't have pass rushers in his face directly off the snap. When defensive players see the shotgun formation, they know that a pass is coming up and they can prepare for it. When girls receive “that text”, they have time to prepare for it as well. They have time to screenshot the text to all her guurrrrrls and discuss what she's about to do. She has time to concoct some bullshyt reason as to why she cannot go out with you. Since the snap is longer in shotgun formation, there's a higher chance for a botched snap. Since texting is less “personal” there's a higher chance a girl will be flaking on man.
Pistol Offense– Same as shotgun but closer to scrimmage. Ambushing a girl by calling her is more effective than texting. She does not have the time to make up some BS excuse. However, since it's not face to face, she can still L ya shyt easily.
Under Center- Best way to ask girls out is face to face because unless she truly does not fukk with you at all, she would not want to reject you flat out to your face. She also can't make up the “I'm busy” or “I gotta study” excuse on the fly without making it awkward. I personally seen this happen to my Jewish nikka
Screen Pass – Easy quick short pass by the QB. Easy gyal to smash. If the QB is not careful, the pass may be picked off and ran back easily for a pick six. If the pass travels backwards and the receiver drops it, it's a fumble. If you're not careful smashing easy gyal, you may catch STDs. Worse, you can get her pregnant. Go raw in girls you don't want mothering your child brehs.
Checkdown– Similar to the screen pass except the screen pass is a designed play. The checkdown is the last resort a QB has when all his receivers are covered or he isn't confident enough to make a throw. The checkdown is the easy gyal you hit up when all the other gyal you tried something with didn't give you play.
Spike – Similar to the previous two, it's an easy gyal. Quarterbacks spike the ball when they absolutely have to stop the clock. Us man go for spikes (easy gyal) when we are in a “Let my people gooooo” Jewish exile desert drought and we absolutely needed to get our shyt wet pause. Doesn't matter how LOOSE or BUSTED they are, we settle for that loss of downs (loss of dignity).
Hot Route– Very similar to the Spike. You don't necessarily have to be in a serious drought but the roast (hornyness no homo) is so strong you would want to smash any girl with two legs. Like a QB who is desperate to avoid the sack/blitz, you go to the hot route to relieve yourself of the roast (blitz)
Flea Flicker – Passing a girl to your bro when you're done with her
One Read – Another way of saying oneitis. One read Quarterbacks can't move through their progressions and fail to look for another open receiver when their #1 receiver isn't open. These QB's are undesirable to GM's just like clingy nikkas are unattractive/undesirable to girls.
Jet Sweep - When receivers are motioned by the Quarterbacks to be running backs in order to catch the defense slipping and hit a big play. This play can be great (Percy Harvin in the Super Bowl) or result in a bad loss of yards (Auburn vs Mississippi St. this season
Hail Mary – When this play is dialed up, you know it's very unlikely to work. It's a no risk, high reward situation so you go for that 55 yard bomb for the win. You see a girl that's soooo fukking bad you think there's no way you can secure that, no way. But why not, the worst that can happen is a rejection (batted down/incomplete pass). If she's a complete bytch, she might call you ugly and or go off on you for even attempting to draw her (101 yard interception return)
There's prob alotta typos but allow me brehs. Tell me what you think. I'm tryna step my writing game up, seen? :ohmydayz:
Looks good.
Just know that as soon as you post this in tlr, it's likely going to get picked up by some shytty site like elite daily or nerd at the cool table.
Julius Skrrvin
I be winkin' through the scope
Sunderland is so bad 
I really wanna see how well a top tier MLS team would do against a Sunderland, Crystal Palace.
I really wanna see how well a top tier MLS team would do against a Sunderland, Crystal Palace.
never in doubt
dennis roadman
nuclear war in my bag
@Grams do this, just to see if it's true
this could be your break
would get washed against palace tbhSunderland is so bad
I really wanna see how well a top tier MLS team would do against a Sunderland, Crystal Palace.
sunderland, might have a chance but i doubt it, the worst players on sunderland would outclass the worst on the mls club by a country mile
