Stephanie's choice : to tell her lover or not.
Sat down at a cosy café in Paris, I'm waiting a women who accepted to tell me her love stories. And they are not really like others. After ten minutes, a tall blonde, square hairstyled enters the café. Prominent cheekbones, shy smile and a sparkling look. She has long and sharp legs, wears black pantyhoses and a black fur coat. She sweetly comes to the table and streches her hand. It's Stéphanie (name has been changed), a 38 year old parisian woman. She works in the acting world : on the boards or backstage, depending.
For three years now, she fully lives her love stories because it's been only three years that she fully feels as a woman. Today, she lives with Mathieu. She tells us how it went.
Fear of being revealed at first glance
They met on internet. After a few messages, they decide to meet and have a drink. He waits for her for long : two hours. Stéphanie is lost, she doesn't know what to wear : high heels and a dress with pantyhoses ? No, too "first date". Skirt and sandals maybe ?
Finally, a jean and a pull-over with high heels. The drink becomes a diner and things go well. But here's the problem : Stéphaine has a little fear when she meets a man for the first time. 3 years ago, her name was Stéphane.
"Like every women, I have misgivings about the first date. But there's one more thing which is the fear that the man in front of me realizes. It's really weird because there's like one person out of one hundred or two hundred which automatically spots that you're a transexual woman. It's one more fear."
The fear of being revealed at first glance. With Mathieu, it really went well, besides that, it always really went well since the surgery : the first men she met after it was Carlos.
Three little stitches
Carlos knew straight away but was nice enough to say nothing. They met on the street and they immediately fancied each other. They only "met" once and that was all. A quick story that was really important for Stéphanie : her first man as a woman.
Even if it's discreet, her body is marked by surgeries, notably around her genitals. For the surgery she had to undergo laser hair removal. So there are those three white lines around her hairless genitals which are really visible because of that. Discreet but here nonetheless. It can trigger suspicions even if until now, no man really noticed.
Then there was Hugo. He didn't know for two months. She also met him on the internet. He's married man with two kids. Their affair lasted more than a year and he never noticed anything about Stéphanie. The affair could have last longer without her telling anything. The surgery is perfect, her body is perfect, her face is perfect. Anyway, Stéphanie was uncomfortable : "You can't build something serious without telling it. There's a huge secret out there and you feel like betraying him"
"So if we want children, we have to adopt"
So a night, even if Hugo didn't ask anything, she told him : "You know... I was born an hermaphrodite". A little trick for the truth to be more acceptable.
"Fortunately ! If you'd told me you were a transexual, I wouldn't have been able to continue".
The judgement was hard. But Stéphanie couldn't bear the burden of the secret and decided to tell him everything, even if it meant she could lose him. But he didn't say anything and went to sleep.
In the darkness, Stéphanie couldn't. She thought Hugo was about to leave. She also told herself that she could never have a normal woman life... Not that she made the bad choice [by changing sex] but she thought her sentimental life would never be the one she imagined.
The day after, during breakfast, things were tense. Finally Hugo breaked silence : "So if we want kids, we have to adopt".
They say it's better to sleep on it : Hugo accepted the truth quite easily. Was that only love ? Maybe. Or maybe he knew all along. Not at first glance but there's a moment when you see the signs : no period, no pill, an estradiol vaginal cream [for vaginal dryness], no child pics, no childhood...
"Things usually go well with men who are with me but they don't want to admit that things go well with somebody who's different."
"Not woman but a transexual woman"
Life goes on between the two lovers but for her, things aren't as easy as before. Now that the truth is out, she doesn't feel like a woman but a transexual woman. She feels like she needs to prove her womanship. For him, nothing changes, neither his behaviour nor the way he looks at her : "I think he had accepted that he was better with me because I was different"
With Mathieu, things didn't go similarly : they went really fast. She brings her things at his home after a week, he wants her to move in after two. Like the previous story, Stéphanie kept the secret during two months, but unlike Carlos he asked questions : "You're really beautiful, how is it that you're not married at your age ? That you don't have children ?"
Questions without answers... "You know, someday you will tell me eventually..."
She finally tells him : it was the only way for the story to work. Slowly, she confesses that there really is something ; but she's not ready to tell everything yet. And some night, in the bed, she tells.
Stéphanie never tells her previous name and this time, no trick : "When I was born, I was not born as a girl".
Her "Big Bear" as she calls him begins to cry. He asks questions. She answers. He asks for her previous name. She refuses to tell : it's her only limit. To tell it would destroy her identity as a woman. The day after, she gets a text from Mathieu.
"You know, the woman I met was Stéphanie and I'm good with her. The rest, I don't care."
Since then, they never talked about it. After the confession, she felt that she was a transexual woman again. They had to learn to know each other again, learn about their respective body again. Then things came back on tracks and slowly the pieces patched up and a year after that, they still love each other.
Less oral sex
Mathieu is now more careful about the questions he asks and how they could bring up the matter and Stéphanie openly lies when she talks about her in feminine whatever period of her life she talks about.
However, their sexuality changed a little : he performs less oral sex. She's a little bothered by that but she accepts the new rules. These days, they look for an apartment together in Paris.
And she wants to marry. They talk about it but he doesn't want to : he already divorced once. Finally, he's accepted but later, way later, when they will be old, very old. She dreams that he asks her hand during a trip. And why not in the Maldives, where they will go for his 40th birthday.
Stéphanie is moved when she talks about this dream. She would want for all her friends to be here and that the mariage happens at her parent's home next to the sea. It's a revenge on life for her : it's possible to be a woman, wholly, and to have an actual woman life. And then she sees herself growing old with him. Abroad : in Monaco or Quebec.
He says he'll die before her even if they both know her life expectancy is reduced. She's ready to become an old lady. Before she couldn't imagine it. Today, she can.
True. I've never been to the tranny promised lands like Thailand, but it can't be that much different, right?
??
@penfield TS fears.
when I saw this little blonde girl as a shoeshiner
Thought that was suppose to end when the Voting Rights Act of 1965 was enacted
scents? how close you gettin to these dudes brehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
