i wanna believe in god, i think it would be awesome. but the vacillation can only happen so much before i just think about how ridiculous it is that some canaanite farmers had a cult that through internal politics became the top-ranking cult, and then the only one eventually. then one guy of this tribal group and thus this cult manages to get killed for his beliefs, as MANY did back then (street corner preachers were like the mixtape rappers of today, easy to find and each with varying success), except that his followers weave this death into his lore (
)
then one breh (Paul) who happens to be a master salesman and excellent organizer/fundraiser (and a Roman citizen) forms the cult in his own image and spreads it beyond tribal lines, which in his case means into the most powerful global empire the west has ever seen. then by literally a stroke of
the emperor of said empire's mother claims to have a dream about said street corner preacher, and breh converts, which sets in motion the cult becoming the official cult of the empire, which means almost all of western europe is now automatically followers. and then those countries, after the empire's downfall, happen to conquer the world over the next few centuries.
it's all some right place, right time shyt. and then you'd think "well, maybe that was god's plan", but i feel this position inherently shyts on every other deity, and as a proponent of human equality, i'm not comfortable telling a buddhist guy from thailand that he's inferior because his country wasn't conquered and reformed in the eyes of a western european nation-state.
i cant sleep