"Dear God posing as a mortal man in order to kill himself to save people from himself,
Thank you Jesus for this blessed year. Thank you for helping me get a job, a new video game console and for the success of my sports team. Thank you for letting me and my family be financially prosperous this year. The amount of wealth I am trying to accumulate wouldn't be possible without your guidance and example Jesus. Thank you for the countless examples in the New Testament of you placing high priority on accumulating wealth.
Thank you Jesus for giving me the strength not to have been born poor. Thank you Jesus for letting poor people be born in neighborhoods I don't live in. Thank you for giving the poor people hypothetical bootstraps as to give them false hope for equality. Thank you for the countless examples in the New Testament of you ignoring the plight of the poor.
Thank you Jesus for the opportunity for allowing me to have hatred and judgment for the outcasts of society, just as you intended. Thank you for the example of your hatred Jesus.
Thank you Jesus for loving America and giving us Nuclear Weapons. Thank you Jesus for helping us win wars against Communists and Muslims. Thank you Jesus for making English the most spoken language in the world and the dollar the world's currency. Such wisdom you have shown.
Thank you Jesus and God for keeping the Jews in Israel so one day you can return and send them straight to hell for sending you to be crucified. Keep those Jews safe until you can burn them alive for their sins.
Thank you Jesus for Joel Osteen, Rick Warren and Phil Robertson. Such riteous people.
Thank you Jesus giving our country the opportunity to enslave black people so we could use their hard work and labor to build this country into the greatest country that has ever existed while pretending black people are lazy and didn't contribute. Thank you for allowing slavery in the bible so we could justify mistreatment of black people while systematically brainwashing the same hatred into our black Christian brothers and sisters in the biggest display of stockholm syndrome that has ever been documented. Thank you very much for that Christ.
Thank you Jesus for capitalism. Thank you so much Jesus for that. Your words about greed and lack of altruism really spoke to me Jesus.
Thank you Jesus for giving us the strength to lobby for Traditional Marriage while systematically lobbying against every other example you set.
Amen."
