It’s unfortunate that a lot of my peers have been getting into some serious trouble this off-season. What is it like 28 now? I have lost count. Thus, I figured I would share with you the 6 AFC and NFC acronyms I use to stay out of trouble. Excuse the Ebonics by the way, it is a more fun way to really express how I feel about this.
Alcohol
So you want to get wasted. The dumbest –ish you can do in 2012 is publicly party like it is 99. Mofos in the club will be live tweeting your buffoonery for the world to see. You are in the NFL, making millions and you got a mansion. Bring the party home dammit.
Firearms
No need anymore. We out the hood now. Get a bodyguard if you are still that paranoid.
Crews
A Crew is not needed. Just ask Drake and Chris Brown. Roll solo, it will save you money and trouble.
No man.
Deion Sanders taught me this. You badly need a no man. Someone that tells you what you don’t want to hear like
“Are you really finna smoke, drink and of all the cars you got, you gonna drive the Ferrari to the club tonight and carry your gun with you? C’mon fooool, you gonna be on the next flight to go see Goodell”
Keep your NO man closer and yes men farther.
Fallback
You are famous and there are people that will hate and test you. You can’t deal with it the way you would when you were in the hood. You need to just fallback.
Consent.
Be careful of chicks and groupies. Those consenting smiles are sometimes fake. Sooner or later you might be defending yourself in a frivolous sexual assault case as she tries to stick you for your paper. Yes, some of these women “Stay Schemin”. There is a simple solution.
The iPhone has an HD camera now. Make sex tapes all the time. It will make great memories and save you trouble.
If you apply these acronyms, it will save you trips to @nflcommish and you know he ain’t playing around these days.
Yours Truly,
Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson
