So it looks like the "ROBOCOP" Reboot will be a dud?

[The_King_of_Everything]

In two short hours on Saturday evening, expectations for Jose Padilha‘s remake of RoboCop plummeted from their already low perch. Film journalist Drew McWeeny got his hands on the script to remake of the 1987 cult classic and tweeted a slew of specific details, most of which are really bad. The new film, which has already begun its viral marketing aimed at a release just under one year from now (August 9, 2013), has an incredible cast lined up including Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K. Williams, Abbie Cornish, Samuel L. Jackson and Hugh Laurie, but, if McWeeny is to be believed, the script is a major mess. He tweeted about several of the action set pieces currently scripted, lines of dialogue that reference the original film and some new, spoilery changes, to the character himself.

Let’s start with RoboCop. McWeeny, who got his start on Ain’t It Cool News and currently works for HitFix, somehow got his hands on the script for the upcoming film written by Joshua Zetumer with revisions by Nick Schenk. He then proceeded to tweet about it for several hours on Saturday in what read like one fan’s desperate attempt to hopefully bring some change. I urge you to head to his Twitter feed, @DrewAtHitFix, to read the whole thing because he answers a lot of questions with @ mentions and stuff . However I’m going to quote a majority of the better, more revealing tweets here. Be warned. There are some potentially huge spoilers. (Longer quotes are several tweets linked together meant to be one cohesive thought.)

I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno

I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.” Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!” So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval. So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*

Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously

And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow

Short version: this script makes my stomach hurt very, very badly.

Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does.

“He should be programmed to incapacitate in all scenarios.” “Agreed. Let’s keep him PG-13, Dr. Norton.” No. No. No. No.

By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”

Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation.

I’m going to go stand in my backyard and scream at the moon for a while. My brain needs a shower.

Write it down. Page 55, the “Robocop” remake beat me. I’m done. I can’t hurt more than this.

Okay… the two “best” lines in the script. First up is at the unveiling ceremony for Robocop in Detroit, from a TV reporter covering it. “I think it’s safe to say that Alex Murphy is now part man, part machine, ALL COP!” Yes, I too remember the original poster, asshat. Second, after the traumatic first meeting with his father, Alex’s son retreats to the apartment of Lewis, Murphy’s male partner. The scene ends with the action line “David sits, catatonic, looks at the TV — MGM REMAKE TBD.”

Good god… it just keeps topping itself. It’s like someone wrote a script scientifically fine-tuned to destroy me. Someone shows Pope, head of the OCP project, some mock-ups for Robocop action figures. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar!” Yeah, that just happened. NOT SO FUNNY NOW, IS IT?!

When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean. “I’m sorry, ‘Total Recall.’ I had no idea how bad things could get. You’re starting to look like a masterpiece right about now.”

I’ll say this: once the script stops all the winky-winky crap and just starts telling a story, it’s not terrible. But it’s way too late. If you can get past Robocop The Transformer, there are some interesting action beats. And I’m sure Padilla will direct the hell out of it. But overall? Ouch. Ouch. Ohpleasedon’t. Ouch. And a big side order of ouch.

From McWeeny’s tweets, you have to wonder why they’d go with what seems to be such a radical departure from what was a pretty air tight original story. It also sounds like the screenwriters didn’t understand the sociopolitical subtext of the original film’s humor and instead are just playing it for straight stupid laughs. In the coming days, it’ll be interesting to see if there’s any kind of reaction to McWeeny’s tweets.

please god be trollin.

I was really looking forward to this.

 

[Sonny Corinthos]

 

[Pedro Negro]

Anytime a movie has a release date in August I don't have high hopes for it and this was no different.

I'll catch it, maybe, on HBO On Demand in a year or so.

Maybe.

 

[Super Cheech]

Knew it was going to be shyt anyway...tf a RObocop movie gonna be PG-13 breh?

 

[Sonny Corinthos]

If they gonna remake these classics why dont they just do shot for shot? Why does Lewis gotta be a man? Nancy Allen is/was a dope looking 80s hoe idk why they couldnt cast a chick for the role. Scarlett Jo or somebody....

 

[The_King_of_Everything]

I knew they were going to try and make robo like iron man

 

[Scotch Hall]

Not surprised

 

[ExodusNirvana]

I hope it doesn't even make 40% of it's budget back. fukking morons at these studios.

 

[fukkyalifestyle]

If they gonna remake these classics why dont they just do shot for shot? Why does Lewis gotta be a man? Nancy Allen is/was a dope looking 80s hoe idk why they couldnt cast a chick for the role. Scarlett Jo or somebody....

a female robo cop?

 

[Achille]

I hope it doesn't even make 40% of it's budget back. fukking morons at these studios.

Exactly at this rate they might as well just re-release the original movie and clean up the motion capture stuff with updated special efx.

 

[ℒℴѵℯJay ELECTUA]

fukk the studios..

 

[OGJOHNNY5]

is this thread from the future?

have we seen this yet?

 

[Spaceman Piff]

a female robo cop?

 

[AllHolosEve]

sh!t sounds terrible, they f_ckin up my childhood again.....

 

[ThaBronxBully]

Really Does Sound Like They Watched Ironman 1 And Thought "YOO Lets Re Do Robocop!"

The Transforming From Social Mode To Combat Mode Sounds Bad, Real Bad

Not Being Violent, Incapacitating Criminals? fukk Is He Batman? lol

I Rather Robocop Go Dolo And Literally Blow Criminals Faces Off, Im Talking Blood And Gore