I'll tell you where. She was out in Los Angeles living with her rich cracker friends. She grew up in the burbs and had a upper middle class household to support her lifestyle of vanity , while I was just some poor nikka that was considered human trash, that was cast off and left behind to die in obscurity. This city left me for dead and I'm still standing without a wrinkle in my face. I know they're wondering "why isn't this n1gger dead or in jail yet?"
I'm glad they found it. I lived a real life. I'm the guy your favorite talk about in their songs. U know the "come from the bottom" dude. I'm the guy Meek Mill rap about. I'm happy they know my true opinion. These ol wanna be Cosby ass nikkas probably terrified when they hear about the shyt that I think about. If you look inside my mind you'll see all types of atrocities. You'll hear screams, see skulls and crossbones. A grave yard of gloom and despair. And I still smile through it all, because I believe in something greater. A power most of you nikkas would never understand.
Let me take you back. 90's crack era Buffalo NY. A young innocent child. High I.Q, talented, morals and surrounded by violence, gangs, crack, 40 oz and prostitutes. I can hear the sirens from the ambulances in my head as I typed this to pick up a nikka laying on the ground in a pool of blood from a dice game gone bad. All between Walden and Genesee on a street called Rohr . We didn't have nothing but we had it all if that makes sense and I'll never take it for granted again.
I'm a man that made it to the age of 30 from that era. I have no scars, no b*stard children, no Std's, no record, no gun wounds , no drama, a college degree and people expect me to think like the avg peon. Its no fluke I was able to avoid those pitfalls. I don't know why god choose me but obviously the working of a higher power put some type of angelic force over me to protect me through that era of violence. The young generation have no idea what it was like when you couldn't leave your block alone because dudes would jump you for being on their turf. That era killed and jailed alot of our friends and family. R.I.P. Lets take a moment of silence.
Now I'm a 30 year old man in this new era of "new black" and gentrification trying to find my place like Tracy Morgan on his new show. I have life experiences from dealing with the complexities of racism, white supremacy and having a firm understanding of street life and the deceitful nature of my own people. I understand the political system, human nature and the economic system. Add high intelligence and a thirst for knowledge and you'll either get a genius or a mad man. You choose who I'am.
I don't know but I'm blessed. I'm not supposed to be here, not supposed to be ambitious, not supposed to still be a dreamer but yet I'am. I got no choice but to go all out. I don't fear death anymore because sometimes that might the only true path to freedom.
I remember shoveling those cold icey sidewalks of Buffalo wondering "when?" with my hopes and dreams slipping away from me looking at the stars as they shined so bright. The snowflakes shining from the streetlights was so beautiful. My city left us out to die and we didn't have no choice but to dream. Thats all we had. They took my opportunities, economic prospects and tried to kill my pride but I promise I'll never let them succeed.
So to my cousin. Babe this is what made me. I'm the result of a evil social experiment that failed. I'm a Frankenstein creation that escaped the lab . So yeah you wont understand my thoughts and I don't expect you to. I'll surpass you and then open the doors for those kids dreaming of more. I don't got no choice anymore anyway. What else do I have to live for? Done either did it all, seen it all or hear it all. No looking back. Just tunnel vision from here on out. Only the strong survive the jungle baby.
