We have been together since almost 10 years, and will complete 4 years of marriage this December. We have of course had a regular share of ups & downs, and fights through-out this time. But at the end, we love each other. The last 3 years we especially good.
In our very pre-mature dating phase (2004) there was one time I got drunk and I kissed a girl, and confessed to her. This she hung on to for sometime and eventually let it go, but would bring it up in fights.
There was another period of numerous fights - break-ups and patches - during which I looked for emotional support from another girl. This stage we were predominantly 'broken-up' and hence I did not feel guilty or that I was doing wrong. Apart from some 1st level kissing & hugs, there was no physical relationship. She found out while snooping around my e-mails and then it became a huge fight. I forgot about that girl and vowed to be faithful. And I have been since then.
We got married, settled down and really love each other. She has always had men admiring her and even going to the extent of harmless flirting. I took all this in my stride and was proud of it. The trust I had in her was immense. Never shaken.
There was a recent job change she went through about a year ago, and met this guy [27M] - with whom she said she has a soul connect. She also eventually mentioned that she loves him (but in platonic friend way). This turned into a lot of public hugging and cuddles even with me around. I was not really bothered. They maintained extended phone conversations and IM's. Friends of mine would occasionally ask me I could not see what was happening. I do not know if it was denial or trust, but never doubted this for more than a really good friend she has found.
Last night, he and some other friends had come over for a sleepover and we usually lay down several mattresses in the hall floor and 5-6 of sleep next to each other. The arrangement happened to be that guy, my wife, me, then 2 other friends. At first, my wife and me cuddled under the same blanket until I eventually slept off. Or she thought I did. The next time I opened my eye, I saw them under his blanket, could see movements in the dark. They fumbled and pulled up their pants/undies. At this point I got up, unable to do or say anything and left home for a long walk at 4.30 am. Came back and confronted my wife. She accepted and has been apologising and to give it a chance to make it work. She says things like you punish me, ill-treat me, but please give us a fresh start.
I am going so crazy in my head & heart right now, I do not know what to do. There are minute incidental details missing, as it is too much to jot down with my current state of mind.
What should I do?
all sorts of cases would have been caught!
jesus