What's good witcha? It's me.
I first started this social media/Internet forum shyt at age 15 in 2013. I was in summer school for failing algebra and our class was an online class in the computer lab in the back of my high school with the AC blowing. Ya'll nikkas can't even imagine how cold that shyt was. Anyway, looking for a way to listen to the Rich Homie Quan tape because YouTube was banned on my school's computers led me to Boxden. The funny ass smilies, hip-hop/sports discussion, the "online barbershop talk" ambience of the website drew me in, and I joined.
I posted there for roughly 3 and a half years, until, sometime around late 2016 during the presidential elections I realized how corny the posters were and how many of them were white people pretending to be black, so I left there &, looking for an alternative, I came here and joined, because BX used to trash this site & I figured if they hated it then this site must be the shyt.
I was right
I've posted here literally a year (last week Wednesday made it a year officially) and ya'll have made me laugh, critically think, get pissed off at the system & get bewildered at how dumb some of you nikkas are. There are some great people on here, and I know you all have the tools to brilliant in your real day to day lives just like you are behind the computer screen. The sky's the limit!
However, I have to quit the Internet for my personal development. I find myself on here during class, during dinner, during homework, basically taking up valuable time that could be used to better myself. I'm fat as hell (5'11 235 pounds) I have acne/acne scars/hyperpigmentation on my face, I have a speech impediment, I'm addicted to pornography, I'm blind in my right eye due to being born with congenital glaucoma and a failed trabeculectomy as an infant. I've never approached a girl in person, it was over the phone to 2 separate girls I had group projects with for a class (and I've only tried speaking to girls twice period.) Nice girls have hinted that I was ugly my entire life, while the more candid/brusque ones shytted on me & clowned me for my blind eye's outward gaze. It's hard for me to see the positives in myself man, I'm depressed. I have diagnosed general anxiety disorder and ADHD, I took Celexa & Adderall. I quit the Celexa because of unwanted intrusive homicidal ideation & I'm still taking the Adderall but I'm quitting this shyt soon because the brief time it lasts doesn't compare to the godawful comedown, which I absolutely abhor.
I have some positives about myself though. I have a tried, tested and true 123 IQ, I have an aptitude for creative writing & an innovative mind in general, I won awards in high school as captain of the geography AND history bowl teams, I got a 1990 on my SAT without even studying (1200 CR+M, 780 reading, 790 writing, 420 math) I mean I'm an intelligent guy, but that little nugget of information still doesn't compare to the sadness that awashes me when I get confronted with thoughts of my other shortcomings. To make a long story short, I need to make a better choice for myself and abstain from leisurely usage of the Internet and fix myself, whether it be going to the gym & dieting, seeing a speech therapist, finding a support gorup for people with porn addictions, inquiring about strabismus surgery, I just need to figure myself out man. I'm turning 20 on June 22, I'm getting ready to transfer from community college to a 4 year university to get my bachelor's degree. Now is where I start setting myself up for the rest of my life, I gotta shake the depression monkey off my back.
I'm also quitting to clear my head. Some of the threads on here involving injustice towards blacks literally make me upset to the point I get moody & flustered in real life & the stress certainly isn't good for me. I see racist people on social media typing bullshyt talking points and it gets me heated to the point it affects my mood. The Coli & LSA apparently have beef, and seeing ya'll post the stuff they say and me going personally on there and seeing all the vile things black women are saying about black men gets me depressed & angry, even though all the black women I know in real life are cool I still walk around defensive because LSA has me paranoid thinking all black women secretly loathe me. I need a breather man. I need to go outside, smell the flowers, join a club at school, talk to people, volunteer in the community, take a jog, peel myself from my phone screen, laugh, live, love.
From tomorrow morning on, the ONLY time I'll be on the Web is for online homework & tips for my business plan & tips for making music/songwriting. Everything else will be done via reading books or talking to people. I need to get back to the things that once made me happy. I haven't felt TRULY happy in probably more than 5 years, probably not since middle school. I've had little moments of feeling content, but not TRULY happy.
After tonight, if any of yall EVERRRR see me post on the Coli again neg me & report me to the mods. I'm dead serious about this. I was gone successfully for about 3 weeks in December but I slithered back here out of boredom. It's time that I ELIMINATE boredom in my day to day life so I won't be tempted. Peace out Coli, it's been real.
I first started this social media/Internet forum shyt at age 15 in 2013. I was in summer school for failing algebra and our class was an online class in the computer lab in the back of my high school with the AC blowing. Ya'll nikkas can't even imagine how cold that shyt was. Anyway, looking for a way to listen to the Rich Homie Quan tape because YouTube was banned on my school's computers led me to Boxden. The funny ass smilies, hip-hop/sports discussion, the "online barbershop talk" ambience of the website drew me in, and I joined.
I posted there for roughly 3 and a half years, until, sometime around late 2016 during the presidential elections I realized how corny the posters were and how many of them were white people pretending to be black, so I left there &, looking for an alternative, I came here and joined, because BX used to trash this site & I figured if they hated it then this site must be the shyt.
I was right
I've posted here literally a year (last week Wednesday made it a year officially) and ya'll have made me laugh, critically think, get pissed off at the system & get bewildered at how dumb some of you nikkas are. There are some great people on here, and I know you all have the tools to brilliant in your real day to day lives just like you are behind the computer screen. The sky's the limit!However, I have to quit the Internet for my personal development. I find myself on here during class, during dinner, during homework, basically taking up valuable time that could be used to better myself. I'm fat as hell (5'11 235 pounds) I have acne/acne scars/hyperpigmentation on my face, I have a speech impediment, I'm addicted to pornography, I'm blind in my right eye due to being born with congenital glaucoma and a failed trabeculectomy as an infant. I've never approached a girl in person, it was over the phone to 2 separate girls I had group projects with for a class (and I've only tried speaking to girls twice period.) Nice girls have hinted that I was ugly my entire life, while the more candid/brusque ones shytted on me & clowned me for my blind eye's outward gaze. It's hard for me to see the positives in myself man, I'm depressed. I have diagnosed general anxiety disorder and ADHD, I took Celexa & Adderall. I quit the Celexa because of unwanted intrusive homicidal ideation & I'm still taking the Adderall but I'm quitting this shyt soon because the brief time it lasts doesn't compare to the godawful comedown, which I absolutely abhor.
I have some positives about myself though. I have a tried, tested and true 123 IQ, I have an aptitude for creative writing & an innovative mind in general, I won awards in high school as captain of the geography AND history bowl teams, I got a 1990 on my SAT without even studying (1200 CR+M, 780 reading, 790 writing, 420 math) I mean I'm an intelligent guy, but that little nugget of information still doesn't compare to the sadness that awashes me when I get confronted with thoughts of my other shortcomings. To make a long story short, I need to make a better choice for myself and abstain from leisurely usage of the Internet and fix myself, whether it be going to the gym & dieting, seeing a speech therapist, finding a support gorup for people with porn addictions, inquiring about strabismus surgery, I just need to figure myself out man. I'm turning 20 on June 22, I'm getting ready to transfer from community college to a 4 year university to get my bachelor's degree. Now is where I start setting myself up for the rest of my life, I gotta shake the depression monkey off my back.
I'm also quitting to clear my head. Some of the threads on here involving injustice towards blacks literally make me upset to the point I get moody & flustered in real life & the stress certainly isn't good for me. I see racist people on social media typing bullshyt talking points and it gets me heated to the point it affects my mood. The Coli & LSA apparently have beef, and seeing ya'll post the stuff they say and me going personally on there and seeing all the vile things black women are saying about black men gets me depressed & angry, even though all the black women I know in real life are cool I still walk around defensive because LSA has me paranoid thinking all black women secretly loathe me. I need a breather man. I need to go outside, smell the flowers, join a club at school, talk to people, volunteer in the community, take a jog, peel myself from my phone screen, laugh, live, love.
From tomorrow morning on, the ONLY time I'll be on the Web is for online homework & tips for my business plan & tips for making music/songwriting. Everything else will be done via reading books or talking to people. I need to get back to the things that once made me happy. I haven't felt TRULY happy in probably more than 5 years, probably not since middle school. I've had little moments of feeling content, but not TRULY happy.
After tonight, if any of yall EVERRRR see me post on the Coli again neg me & report me to the mods. I'm dead serious about this. I was gone successfully for about 3 weeks in December but I slithered back here out of boredom. It's time that I ELIMINATE boredom in my day to day life so I won't be tempted. Peace out Coli, it's been real.
