Not sure on the author but it comes from F4W and is worth a read. There’s no pictures, I promise.
Part One
The premise of the movie seems to be that Chyna’s biggest fantasy has come true: Vince brought her back. Except she still hates him. She still hates Stephanie. And instead of wrestling, she has to have sex with the wrestlers.
Still, she’s returned. And despite giving in on what would seem like key issues, working for people she hates and having to have sex, somehow Chyna is the one with all the power and control. Exactly the sort of mish-moshed insanity you would expect from Chyna trying to book her own perfect world.
Chyna, by the way, has tattoos on her arm and back now. Not sure if that’s new. She was painted green in her last movie.
The fun begins as Vince (the roided up Lee Stone with his hair greyed) and Stephanie (Lisa Ann) approach Chyna in the locker room. Chyna, who has had 10+ years to come up with something to say if she ever saw either of them again, and who surely had some sort of porn scriptwriter helping with this, rambles about how Stephanie ruined her career, how she could beat both Vince and Stephanie up, and other various insults she seems to think are scorchers that fall completely flat. She seems to be ad-libbing while trying to follow a general narrative and the result creates much sadness and fail.
Just to give an example of the amazing dialogue, Vince says he knows Chyna is still peeved, and Chyna says peeved isn’t how she would put it. So what word would she use, Stephanie inquires. “I would use… pissed!”
Incidentally, are Vince and Stephanie supposed to be offended by this? Chyna clearly hates Stephanie, yet while the wrestlers in the movie are portrayed as ridiculous caricatures, Stephanie is played by one of the hottest and most popular pornstars going. Boom, roasted? And forget the porn, Vince would probably masturbate just to the knowledge that a jacked up freak like Lee Stone is playing him.
Anyway. They set up the premise of Chyna having to fukk guys and how Vince is booking her to “win”. A victory apparently happens when Chyna gets a guy off. There’s a line somewhere in here about Steve Austin and The Rock wanting to fukk each other, so it seems they’re still on Chyna’s shytlist for having the nerve to make more money than her.
Then Vince talks about a match with two mystery opponents. Whoever they are, Chyna isn’t allowed to beat one of them. The guy Vince won’t let her beat doesn’t wrestle a lot anymore and has to be allowed to look good. I assumed it was a shot at Triple H, who has surprisingly gone unmentioned so far, but the preview showed a scene with Hogan and Flair. Oookay.
But Chyna objects to this, saying that if she can’t “beat” the mystery guy, it denies her of an orgasm of her own. So what to do? Well, for Chyna, it obviously means having sex with Vince and Stephanie. She demands this and, powerless against her demands, Vince and Stephanie meekly accept.
Chyna caps off her demand in the saddest way possible: “I’ve got two words for you… GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCK IT!” Oh, dear god. How do you screw that one up?
So Chyna stands there while Vince goes down on her and Stephanie plays with her boobs. After a few minutes of oral, Vince gets up, opens his pants, and Chyna doesn’t hesitate to start blowing him. This is more than a little strange. Chyna clearly made the point of establishing that she doesn’t like them and that she’s in control. There are also several “in-character” remarks during the scene, so they didn’t drop the narrative*. But she doesn’t “demand” to blow Vince or to have him fukk her. It’s like she just gives in.
(My favorite bit of dialogue is Stephanie asking Chyna if it feels good to fukk Vince after all the times Vince fukked her. The latter “fukked” meaning “screwed over”, of course. Chyna responds by… saying the exact same thing as if she just thought of it.)
Basically, the whole thing comes off like Chyna finally submitting to her long-held desire to fukk Vince and Stephanie. This seems especially true as Vince bends her over and starts doing her doggie style as Chyna alternates between kissing Stephanie and eating her out. Why is she doing this? She hates Stephanie. Why is she going down on her? At one point, Lisa Ann, who probably couldn’t care less about the whole control/revenge narrative Chyna tried to create, starts ordering Chyna to lick her p*ssy and get her off.
By the way, it probably goes without saying, but there is no interaction between Vince and Stephanie, thus preventing the somewhat fun possibility that Vince McMahon could own Vivid by tomorrow morning. Or whenever he stopped jacking off to the incest portion.
They repeat the same theme — Vince fukking Chyna while she and Stephanie exchange oral favors — in multiple positions. A threesome where two of the participants don’t touch tends to get old pretty fast, and this one is no exception. After 20 minutes of a scene that should have been half that long, it mercifully concludes with a pop on Chyna’s t*ts.
Part Two
Time for the gangbang. First, we meet Gene Oakerfunk (Tommy Pistol), a parody of Mean Gene Okerlund, who promotes the lineup for tonight’s big “fukkleMania” show. After openly referring to Vince and Stephanie McMahon by name, it escapes me why they had to use a goofy parody name for Mean Gene.
We meet the ring announcer, Valerie Kay, who is playing herself. She announces Bret “the Hitman” Hart, hesitating as she says his name as she’s clearly never heard of him or anyone else involved. Out comes… I think Justin Magnum, but looking nothing like Bret Hart. If anything, he looks more like John Morrison, a wrestler of today’s generation.
Mean Gene does commentary. He shyts on Bret by saying it took him seven years to write an autobiography, which was a four page pop-up book. “Once he wrestled, then he didn’t, then he did. The end”.
Out next is the Iron Sheik (Marco Banderas), who poses and flexes. Gene calls him loud, obnoxious, and stupid.
Valerie announces “the man in the shorts, John Cena” (TJ Cummings). He wears camo and does the “U Can’t See Me” hand wave, making this easily the most realistic portrayal so far.
The Rock (Sledge Hammer) is out next, raising an eyebrow but doing little else that resembles The Rock. He’s followed by Steve Austin (Cyrus King), who Gene notes is skinnier than the last time he wrestled.
Out with no introduction is a clown (Ralph Long) who is supposed to be Doink according to Vivid’s press release. But they never call him that. Gene even says he doesn’t know who the clown is.
The last entrant is Triple H (Anthony Hardwood), with Gene reacting like he’s a surprise entry. Gene mentions that he’s Chyna’s ex, but nothing negative is said about him. After Bret and the Sheik, Gene’s insults pretty much disappeared.
Finally, Chyna appears while Gene raves about how hot she is. She gets in the ring, grinds on each guy in the most unappealing manner possible, then vamps for the camera. Gene is calling the clown Homie.
The guys all surround Chyna — actually, no, Triple H isn’t there. He wasn’t part of the grinding either. The guys start pulling Chyna’s clothes off and push her to her knees.
It starts off with a blowbang of sorts. If you like watching one blowjob while five guys stand around desperately trying to stay hard, this is the scene for you. Unfortunately, there’s no longer any commentary. Triple H finally reappears while Chyna is blowing the clown.
There’s several minutes of throat-fukking and tit-squeezing. Triple H grabs her head and fukks her face. So does the Sheik. The commentary is sorely missed. As it is, there’s nothing to hear but gagging, the sound of guys walking around the ring in a big empty room, and Chyna occasionally mumbling something while she has a dikk in her mouth.
They pull her up to her feet. The Sheik fukks her from behind while she leans forward and blows Austin. She seems unsteady and the guys have to keep her from falling over. They abandon the standing experiment and she gets back on her knees to blow Cena. To keep from falling asleep, the rest of the crew eventually surrounds her and she quickly goes from dikk to dikk.
The clown lays flat on the mat and Chyna blows him while Bret fukks her. The clown swaps out with Cena, who swaps out with the Shiek. Chyna mumbles about being nasty like Janet Jackson. The guy fukking her, still Bret I think, has enough and pops on her face. Yes, it’s Bret, as the other wrestlers mock him for being the first to go. A cutaway to Gene at ringside confirms Bret has been “eliminated”.
If Chyna “defeats” a guy by getting him to cum, shouldn’t the guys try not to? Shouldn’t they fight it, like when a guy tries to reach the bottom ring rope to escape the figure four leglock? Then they could act like no matter how hard the guys fought not to cum, Chyna was just too good and made them shoot their loads. Hence, she wins. Right? This apparently escaped everyone on set.
After an edit, there’s a chair in the ring for Chyna to kneel on. Much as the first scene followed the same pattern over and over, it seems all we’re getting here is Chyna blowing someone while getting fukked from behind. At the moment we have Austin up front and Triple H behind. Just as I type that, they swap out for the clown and Cena.
After several minutes, they finally mix it up. Chyna rides reverse cowgirl on whoever is sitting in the chair, and she leans to the side to keep blowing guys. In some weird editing, it looks as though Cena stood her up and tried getting her leg over his shoulder, but she’s just not capable of standing. So she sits back down and rides reverse cowgirl some more, this time with Rock sitting on the chair underneath her. But after another quick edit, the chair vanishes.
Rock’s still on the bottom and most of the guys stand around slapping their dikks on her. “Now that’s a gangbang!” Gene declares in another cutaway. Chyna rides regular cowgirl for a while, then back to reverse. Suddenly, Mean Gene enters the ring and shoves his dikk in her mouth. A run-in!
After about a minute of Gene fukking her face, they cut to Chyna lying on her side as the Sheik fukks her. Gene is nowhere to be seen. They briefly cut back to him at ringside as he gives a line about the Sheik drilling for oil. Then the Sheik gets up and Gene runs back in and starts fukking her. Chyna eventually slaps him and he disappears again.
Chyna lays flat on her back and the guys take turns fukking her while she mumbles incoherently. They cut back to Gene, who says Rock is more interested in Austin’s ass than he is in Chyna. So that’s two forced-in shots at The Rock and Steve Austin.
Meanwhile, not a single bad thing has been said about Triple H. And Lisa Ann is playing his wife. This movie just surpassed The Chaperone on his favorites list.
There’s also a Gene cutaway where he jokes that Rock can’t keep his dikk hard, which he clearly can’t. What a weird thing to put in the movie. It’s like a wrestler performing his signature move and the announcer saying “Ah, that doesn’t really hurt”. They’re actually calling attention to how uninterested the guys are in Chyna.
In the middle of Rock and Triple H working on Chyna, a Gene cutaway tells us that Austin is just about done. Which is odd since he wasn’t anywhere near her. But sure enough they cut back to a shot of Austin popping on Chyna’s t*ts. The editing is just terrible.
Now it’s back to Rock fukking her, and the Sheik walks over and cums on her face. Three men down. Rock pulls out and does likewise. “The cooking is done,” Gene declares. With Rock still standing there, the clown runs in from off-screen and pops on her face.
We’re down to Cena and Triple H! You can cut the excitement with a knife! I’ve never understood that saying.
They immediately cut to Cena’s cumshot. Gene salutes him. Triple H follows suit by popping on her face as Gene reminds us that he’s her former lover. So Triple H was the last man standing. This is officially his favorite movie. Wait, here’s Gene, who gets in the ring and cums on her face too. So everyone’s eliminated and Chyna “wins”. They edit in a shot of all the guys laying on the mat as Chyna jumps around in celebration.
A painfully long 30 minutes of the most boring gangbang you’ll ever see.
This is just too painful....
