So last night Chris Hardwick ended "The Talking Dead" with a message about his father, who died suddenly the other day.
And posted the following on reddit:
"Holy shyt you guys...I can't tell you how much it means to me that so many people have expressed their condolences and support. It's been a weird few days. I've experienced death in my life, but when it's a parent...it's the most unnatural-feeling natural thing, if that makes any sense. I have a pretty healthy outlook on it. I'm sad, and I think that's good. My dad deserves me to be sad. I don't particularly enjoy getting blindsided by it--one minute I feel like, "Hey! I'm going to be ok" and then the next minute "Hey! Crying!" I maintain that we were lucky. It could have been worse. My dad wasn't remotely ill nor was it a horribly painful accident. Saturday morning he said his chest hurt, he passed out and that was pretty much it.
Friday during the day we had a wonderful conversation. We laughed, we told each other we loved one another and talked about how lucky we were. He was the happiest he had been in his life--he was peaceful to the point of an almost transcendent wisdom. Here's an example:
Friday night, I took my mom to the UCLA game. If you listen to the podcast you know that sports and I don't get along. I don't begrudge the people who love it, mind you, but I just can't connect with it. My mom is some kind of weird sports demon. Like, she calls into sports radio shows and schools people. You wouldn't know it to look at her--tiny, sweet-looking blonde Italian lady. Anyway I took her because she adores football and UCLA (my alma mater) and I wanted her to have a nice Friday night. While at the game, I took a picture of my mom with the field in the background and sent it to my dad (they hadn't spoken in 25 years until this year so this kind of family bonding was new and fun) with the following snarky text, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE fukk IS GOING ON." My dad's response, "Look at the smile on your mom's face! THAT'S what's going on!" "Ha! I know I know." "Good job" was his response. Twelve hours later he would be dead. Fifteen hours later I texted him back "I love you, dad." It helped. He was a great man who navigated a lot of personal hardship and anxiety when people in polite society just didn't talk about those things. He was caring, social and hilarious (I inherited the filthy sense of humor).
Oddly, he had just kind of tied up all the loose ends in this life. It was almost like some part of him was preparing for it this entire year. He even wished me a happy birthday before we got off the phone. My birthday is Saturday the 23rd , and he said he wouldn't forget my birthday but he might forget that it's Saturday when it arrived. In retrospect, it was eerily perfect. It feels weird to say that. He didn't know consciously, of course. My mom & Chloe and I were planning to go to Memphis for Xmas with my dad, my step-mom and that whole side of the family. The first Xmas we would spend as a family since I was 10, mind you. At least he took with him the knowledge that that was going to happen. It made him very happy.
I'm glad I went in to work Sunday. Sometimes routine can be good medicine. I'm not running away from stuff, but I really enjoy my job and if I just sat around all the time and basted in my own sadness juices, I'm not sure that would be great either. I really do hope you guys appreciate the people you have in your life. And please take time to talk to them--like, REALLY talk to them. Learn, be interested, share your feelings, connect with them like they're actually people. It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves (I know I fukking do) but when it's all over the legacy one leaves behind will most likely not be found in THINGS, but by the lives they've touched and filtered through in various ways. My dad's service is going to be a madhouse, flooded with people who will be pooling outside unable to get in to say goodbye. His bowling center has sat on the corner of Quince & White Station in Memphis for 30 years. Babies who were raised in there now bring their own kids. It's a social watering hole that anchors many many lives. He made that. He was a good man. The best sort. He may not be walking around in the world but he will always be alive in the community he built and I am proud to be his son.
Sorry for rambling. Sorry if this is corny. Sorry if it seems too heavy and doomy. I'm really ok most of the time. I dig the shyt out of the reddit community for all its sharing, caring, hilarity, rule 34-ness, wtfukkability and trace amounts of evil. When I saw this on the front page, I just started typing and couldn't stop (I had to stop like 5 fukking times to compose myself while writing this). I'll get through it (as people do) and I know I'll be stronger as a result. I have a terrific family and a spectacular girlfriend in /u/Skydart who has been taking great care of me. Again, thank you thank you thank you all for your nice words. Pretty much everyone has experienced this to one degree or another and your warmth and wisdom are comforting. You're excellent humans, and I hope you all have wonderful holidays. Hugs."
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So not to be all sappy, but the man has a point. The holidays are a time when families and loved ones get together, and if you can, take a moment to let the people you care about know how you feel. It makes a difference.
And posted the following on reddit:
"Holy shyt you guys...I can't tell you how much it means to me that so many people have expressed their condolences and support. It's been a weird few days. I've experienced death in my life, but when it's a parent...it's the most unnatural-feeling natural thing, if that makes any sense. I have a pretty healthy outlook on it. I'm sad, and I think that's good. My dad deserves me to be sad. I don't particularly enjoy getting blindsided by it--one minute I feel like, "Hey! I'm going to be ok" and then the next minute "Hey! Crying!" I maintain that we were lucky. It could have been worse. My dad wasn't remotely ill nor was it a horribly painful accident. Saturday morning he said his chest hurt, he passed out and that was pretty much it.
Friday during the day we had a wonderful conversation. We laughed, we told each other we loved one another and talked about how lucky we were. He was the happiest he had been in his life--he was peaceful to the point of an almost transcendent wisdom. Here's an example:
Friday night, I took my mom to the UCLA game. If you listen to the podcast you know that sports and I don't get along. I don't begrudge the people who love it, mind you, but I just can't connect with it. My mom is some kind of weird sports demon. Like, she calls into sports radio shows and schools people. You wouldn't know it to look at her--tiny, sweet-looking blonde Italian lady. Anyway I took her because she adores football and UCLA (my alma mater) and I wanted her to have a nice Friday night. While at the game, I took a picture of my mom with the field in the background and sent it to my dad (they hadn't spoken in 25 years until this year so this kind of family bonding was new and fun) with the following snarky text, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE fukk IS GOING ON." My dad's response, "Look at the smile on your mom's face! THAT'S what's going on!" "Ha! I know I know." "Good job" was his response. Twelve hours later he would be dead. Fifteen hours later I texted him back "I love you, dad." It helped. He was a great man who navigated a lot of personal hardship and anxiety when people in polite society just didn't talk about those things. He was caring, social and hilarious (I inherited the filthy sense of humor).
Oddly, he had just kind of tied up all the loose ends in this life. It was almost like some part of him was preparing for it this entire year. He even wished me a happy birthday before we got off the phone. My birthday is Saturday the 23rd , and he said he wouldn't forget my birthday but he might forget that it's Saturday when it arrived. In retrospect, it was eerily perfect. It feels weird to say that. He didn't know consciously, of course. My mom & Chloe and I were planning to go to Memphis for Xmas with my dad, my step-mom and that whole side of the family. The first Xmas we would spend as a family since I was 10, mind you. At least he took with him the knowledge that that was going to happen. It made him very happy.
I'm glad I went in to work Sunday. Sometimes routine can be good medicine. I'm not running away from stuff, but I really enjoy my job and if I just sat around all the time and basted in my own sadness juices, I'm not sure that would be great either. I really do hope you guys appreciate the people you have in your life. And please take time to talk to them--like, REALLY talk to them. Learn, be interested, share your feelings, connect with them like they're actually people. It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves (I know I fukking do) but when it's all over the legacy one leaves behind will most likely not be found in THINGS, but by the lives they've touched and filtered through in various ways. My dad's service is going to be a madhouse, flooded with people who will be pooling outside unable to get in to say goodbye. His bowling center has sat on the corner of Quince & White Station in Memphis for 30 years. Babies who were raised in there now bring their own kids. It's a social watering hole that anchors many many lives. He made that. He was a good man. The best sort. He may not be walking around in the world but he will always be alive in the community he built and I am proud to be his son.
Sorry for rambling. Sorry if this is corny. Sorry if it seems too heavy and doomy. I'm really ok most of the time. I dig the shyt out of the reddit community for all its sharing, caring, hilarity, rule 34-ness, wtfukkability and trace amounts of evil. When I saw this on the front page, I just started typing and couldn't stop (I had to stop like 5 fukking times to compose myself while writing this). I'll get through it (as people do) and I know I'll be stronger as a result. I have a terrific family and a spectacular girlfriend in /u/Skydart who has been taking great care of me. Again, thank you thank you thank you all for your nice words. Pretty much everyone has experienced this to one degree or another and your warmth and wisdom are comforting. You're excellent humans, and I hope you all have wonderful holidays. Hugs."
----------------------
So not to be all sappy, but the man has a point. The holidays are a time when families and loved ones get together, and if you can, take a moment to let the people you care about know how you feel. It makes a difference.
