Ive come to the realization i mite not ever become shyt

[BlackBieber]

So I just got fired(technically "my placement ended", since i was with an agency).*

Im 20, out of school. Graduated with an average of prolly like 50% or sumthin(i havent even checked so idk). No friends, no girl.

Now I dont wanna make any excuses for myself, but I know something is wrong with me, inside my head or whatever, and I need help. I been dealing with depression for some years now, that derives from other problems with myself that I can't figure exactly what they are. That suicide thread I made wasn't a trolling attempt.**

I've come to the conclusion that it isn't just a phase and I won't be able to deal with it myself so I'll actively seek help and go see a therapist. Ive been holding on to this dream of becoming an artist for a while now but absolutely nothing has materialized over the years and that's cause of the fact that I'm way to unstable to have the consistent focus and dedication to make it.

I plan on going back to school, I don't know for what, but I figure with at least some education I will avoid living a struggle shytty existence forever. Sorry, I mean a less struggle shytty existence. Tbh I don't even know if I would be able to make it through school but hopefully the help I will get in the future enables it by making me more balanced.

I know yall prolly dont give a shyt but I just felt like sharing this with someone. The present sure is different from what I envisioned as a little kid with dreams of the NBA and many other things.

*I actually showed up for work and got the news by reading my emails after having bought breakfast and sitting down at my desk. How embarrassing... They had baloons all over the place to. I lowkey wonder if it was to celebrate my departure. Remember I made the thread about nobody fukkin with me at work? I don't even know why they didn't like yo boy mang.
**I also got serious OCD and tho it can be very annoying at time that isn't the end of the world and far from my biggest problem.

 

[Chris.B]

you are only 20 and have already declared yourself failure in life?

 

[bangedher_wholesquad]

yo you gotta quit being a lil bytch

if your back against the wall your supposed to survive. if that don't ring no bells in your head then i don't think you are truly struggling.

 

[BlackBieber]

you are only 20 and have already declared yourself failure in life?

i never said i was givin up. im just realizing its a serious possibility. maybe if i can get these mental problems managed i will become more optimistic but as of right now ive lost a lot of hope.

i look around and its a lot of ppl living struggle existences. i mite just become one of em.

 

[BlackBieber]

yo you gotta quit being a lil bytch

if your back against the wall your supposed to survive. if that don't ring no bells in your head then i don't think you are truly struggling.

i appreciate ur input but u havent been in my position to call me a bytch. thx.

and wut do u even mean with that last part? im not poor or anything like that which it seems to be the kind of context ur alluding to. im talking about emotional defeat from being a fukkup for a long time now.

and again, i dont kno wut the future holds. i havent given up. im just more aware of the reality of things. maybe not everyone is meant to be a success in life.

 

[Chill]

If you're still living with your parents you have it a lot easier than most people, you have a greater chance of all of your money going directly to you instead of bills. Everyone has a strong possibility of struggling but they are determined to make it.

 

[Rawtid]

Do you exercise everyday? Do you eat healthy? If not, start.

Not trying to call you fat or anything but this shyt they call food nowadays is so bad for your psyche it's ridiculous. You don't need a gym either, start by taking a walk/jog everyday and eliminating processed food slowly from your diet.

Secondly, don't go back to school. You'll waste your money if you don't know what you want and if you're taking loans out for it that's even worse.

If you have a car and a good driving record, deliver some pizza. It's a quick way to make some cash while you're figuring out what to do. You could also do some lawn work or check with some small businesses to see if they need cleaning or maybe even vending service. before you give me the you don't have to do this shyt forever.

Off topic but I purchased a 32 bottle case of water for $5. If I sold them at a dollar a piece, I'd make $27 per case.

 

[BlackBieber]

Do you exercise everyday? Do you eat healthy? If not, start.

Not trying to call you fat or anything but this shyt they call food nowadays is so bad for your psyche it's ridiculous. You don't need a gym either, start by taking a walk/jog everyday and eliminating processed food slowly from your diet.

Secondly, don't go back to school. You'll waste your money if you don't know what you want and if you're taking loans out for it that's even worse.

If you have a car and a good driving record, deliver some pizza. It's a quick way to make some cash while you're figuring out what to do. You could also do some lawn work or check with some small businesses to see if they need cleaning or maybe even vending service. before you give me the you don't have to do this shyt forever.

Off topic but I purchased a 32 bottle case of water for $5. If I sold them at a dollar a piece, I'd make $27 per case.

I stopped doing any kind of exercise after I graduated and stopped playing ball.

Ive started eating healthy in the past cpl weeks tho. Im tlm bout organic everything and shyt. shyt aint cheap tho

I believe ill be able to find a job in the meantime, that aint necessarily an issue. You have a point with the school thing. I just just dont wanna wake up a cpl years from now and realize I'm stuck doing shytty low-paying jobs forever.

 

[Rawtid]

Oh and assuming you're African American, make sure you see an AA therapist. Before I decided to handle my depression on my own, I saw some CAC old lady therapist that wore nude stockings and open toed sandals (like the pic on the left). Not saying she couldn't have helped me but I just couldn't stop looking at her feet like "Why did you do that?"

 

[BlackBieber]

Oh and assuming you're African American, make sure you see an AA therapist. Before I decided to handle my depression on my own, I saw some CAC old lady therapist that wore nude stockings and open toed sandals (like the pic on the left). Not saying she couldn't have helped me but I just couldn't stop looking at her feet like "Why did you do that?"

 

[mortuus est]

 

[Desirous]

you are only 20 and have already declared yourself failure in life?

 

[Rawtid]

I stopped doing any kind of exercise after I graduated and stopped playing ball.

Ive started eating healthy in the past cpl weeks tho. Im tlm bout organic everything and shyt. shyt aint cheap tho

I believe ill be able to find a job in the meantime, that aint necessarily an issue. You have a point with the school thing. I just just dont wanna wake up a cpl years from now and realize I'm stuck doing shytty low-paying jobs forever.

Just like I was telling Chill, get a business degree if you're not sure what to major in. It's pretty universal. With that said, if your head isn't in it you won't be successful. Don't waste your time and your money...focus on your mental health first and then go to school.

 

[BlackBieber]

Just like I was telling Chill, get a business degree if you're not sure what to major in. It's pretty universal. With that said, if you head isn't in it you won't be successful. Don't waste your time and your money...focus on your mental health first and then go to school.

Ur right. Appreciate the help for real dag.

 

[Icantspell]

i didnt even graduate


and im not a failure