I Finally Realized That I dont Give A fukk.. And Its Actually Kind Of Depressing

[ThaRealness]

Let me preface this with a background story. Tonight I saw Freddie Gibbs, and I dont think anyone in the concert hall was turning up as hard as I was... naturally, some girls started gravitating towards me. But I didnt follow it all the way though. I could have gotten some easy p*ssy

A couple hours later, I have a conversation with a friend about 'humility' and social awareness... But Im not feeling that shyt at all

I guess it was supposed to be a 'moment' where I reach a new level of clarity, and approach life differently. Nah son

Im like The only truth here is that if I go the hardest Imma win. Literally nothing else means a damn thing.

I cant take a step back and cool everything down.... Im too old for that shyt.... The only thing that matters is that I go the hardest.

The point of this thread, is that I used to have moments of clarity that felt rejuvenating. But this shyt here is more visceral. Intellectually, spiritually and emotionally I feel nothing. All I know is that I need to go harder



The fact that Im all out here on my own aint inspiring, or miraculous. Its a bytch

I feel like I missed out on life and now Im just trying to outdo everyone. Its a game I cant win

 

[Beedad]

 

[Swirv]

So basically you got no p*ssy so you don't care about anything now.

 

[Dank Hill]

midlife crisis

 

[ThaRealness]

There's levels to this shyt. I been on acid man, I seen the beauty of life...

But when you aint have people around you... the only way you achieve that beauty is by working your ass off.

I just realized that my life path is going to involve a lot of goddamn work and I might still be isolated

 

[ThaRealness]

midlife crisis

And Im 23. I told you this shyt is fukked up

 

[Music Fiend]

normal breh

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

The realizations I came to awhile ago:

You can't depend on people. People work towards their own interests.
The majority of people don't want to progress.
The only person you can depend on is yourself.
If you want something you got to bust your ass to get it
Very few people will understand or appreciate your progress
Don't waste energy on ANYTHING/ANYONE that doesn't add value to my life

I've been called cold and heartless so many times. It's not true. I am by far the most caring person I know but I don't entertain any bullshyt period.

I have accepted that my father is going to eat himself to death and will not changed. He has had two heart attacks and almost had a stroke. His brother died of a stroke at the beginning of the year and my sister just had one but lived. Yet he still refused to get his health in order. I have come to accept that he may die soon. Loves food more than life. I told my mom that and she just started crying. I told her my priority is her and her health b/c she is trying and wants to do better.

OP it just sounds that you have accepted life for what it is...complete bullshyt. Don't let it get you down though. The small joys make life beautiful. Sometimes my goals and my dogs are all that get me by.

 

[DrX]

You realizations I came to awhile ago:

You can't depend on people. People work towards their own interests.
The majority of people don't want to progress.
The only person you can depend on is yourself.
If you want something you got to bust your ass to get it
Very few people will understand or appreciate it your progress
Don't waste energy on ANYTHING/ANYONE that doesn't add value to my life

I've been called cold and heartless so many times. It's not true. I am by far the most caring person I know but I don't entertain any bullshyt period.

I have accepted that my father is going to eat himself to death and will not changed. He has had two heart attacks and almost had a stroke. His brother died of a stroke at the beginning of the year and my sister just had one but lived. Yet he still refused to get his health in order. I have come to accept that he may die soon. Loves food more than life. I told my mom that and she just started crying. I told her my priority is her and her health b/c she is trying and wants to do better.

OP it just sounds that you have accepted life for what it is...complete bullshyt. Don't let it get you down though. The small joys make life beautiful. Sometimes my goals and my dogs are all that get me by.

true...im at this point

i just focus on my goals and accept it for what it is.... I just treat life like a numbers game....put myself into as many situations as possible and hope eventually something come from one of them....I cut myself off from ppl except my family....If were not doing something productive together, we don't need to speak....and everybody is full of shyt so I just assume they are and that way Ill never get disappointed when they let me down...i just laugh and shrug my shoulders and move on

 

[Youhadasparkwhenustarted]

You realizations I came to awhile ago:

You can't depend on people. People work towards their own interests.
The majority of people don't want to progress.
The only person you can depend on is yourself.
If you want something you got to bust your ass to get it
Very few people will understand or appreciate it your progress
Don't waste energy on ANYTHING/ANYONE that doesn't add value to my life

I've been called cold and heartless so many times. It's not true. I am by far the most caring person I know but I don't entertain any bullshyt period.

I have accepted that my father is going to eat himself to death and will not changed. He has had two heart attacks and almost had a stroke. His brother died of a stroke at the beginning of the year and my sister just had one but lived. Yet he still refused to get his health in order. I have come to accept that he may die soon. Loves food more than life. I told my mom that and she just started crying. I told her my priority is her and her health b/c she is trying and wants to do better.

OP it just sounds that you have accepted life for what it is...complete bullshyt. Don't let it get you down though. The small joys make life beautiful. Sometimes my goals and my dogs are all that get me by.

I feel this post, especially the bolded. You start taking on unnecessary shyt, that baggage will weigh you down so much. Even when you want to go out your way to help someone you gotta learn to say no because most take advantage. Gets to the point where you just have to cut people off because they ask so much of you.

It's why I stay to myself; I work, take care of my son, and go hard on practicing my craft in the remaining hours I get ( I post on the Coli occasionally too ). I'm going hard til I take that last step towards success

 

[ThaRealness]

You realizations I came to awhile ago:

You can't depend on people. People work towards their own interests.
The majority of people don't want to progress.
The only person you can depend on is yourself.
If you want something you got to bust your ass to get it
Very few people will understand or appreciate it your progress
Don't waste energy on ANYTHING/ANYONE that doesn't add value to my life

I've been called cold and heartless so many times. It's not true. I am by far the most caring person I know but I don't entertain any bullshyt period.

I have accepted that my father is going to eat himself to death and will not changed. He has had two heart attacks and almost had a stroke. His brother died of a stroke at the beginning of the year and my sister just had one but lived. Yet he still refused to get his health in order. I have come to accept that he may die soon. Loves food more than life. I told my mom that and she just started crying. I told her my priority is her and her health b/c she is trying and wants to do better.

OP it just sounds that you have accepted life for what it is...complete bullshyt. Don't let it get you down though. The small joys make life beautiful. Sometimes my goals and my dogs are all that get me by.

100%.
Life is beautiful. Its just depressing when you dont have people you can share that beauty with.

 

[Loop Ba$eCrawler]

Nothing to be depressed about. Sounds like you just know what you want to experience and are comfortable in just that experience. I think the modern version of maturity is being able to be comfortable with your decisions before/after. If that makes sense? Maturity in the old days was establishing a family or killing a certain amount of people in wartime. People nowadays poop out a bunch of kids and swear they're mature while they're still chasing the dreams of a 19 yr old.

 

[BigF]

You realizations I came to awhile ago:

You can't depend on people. People work towards their own interests.
The majority of people don't want to progress.
The only person you can depend on is yourself.
If you want something you got to bust your ass to get it
Very few people will understand or appreciate it your progress
Don't waste energy on ANYTHING/ANYONE that doesn't add value to my life

I've been called cold and heartless so many times. It's not true. I am by far the most caring person I know but I don't entertain any bullshyt period.

I have accepted that my father is going to eat himself to death and will not changed. He has had two heart attacks and almost had a stroke. His brother died of a stroke at the beginning of the year and my sister just had one but lived. Yet he still refused to get his health in order. I have come to accept that he may die soon. Loves food more than life. I told my mom that and she just started crying. I told her my priority is her and her health b/c she is trying and wants to do better.

OP it just sounds that you have accepted life for what it is...complete bullshyt. Don't let it get you down though. The small joys make life beautiful. Sometimes my goals and my dogs are all that get me by.

 

[WaveCapsByOscorp™]

I cant take a step back and cool everything down.... Im too old for that shyt.... The only thing that matters is that I go the hardest.

The point of this thread, is that I used to have moments of clarity that felt rejuvenating. But this shyt here is more visceral. Intellectually, spiritually and emotionally I feel nothing. All I know is that I need to go harder

you experience the feelings after the effort is put in (the 'going hard'). i wouldn't worry about stepping back, life has a way of handing you signs to tell you to chill out, you just have to be aware of them when they come. there's speeding limit signs on the road, but i usually only pay attention to them and heed them in high traffic or in circumstances where driving is more hazardous. you know what you must do so you don't feel anything anymore until you do what it is you feel is right in the situation. i feel like that's situational clarity you receive from fulfilling actions

 

[aqualung]

OP sounds like he is crashing from cocaine or amphetamines. There is enough time to be old and jaded later.....when you have something to show for all this hard work. You are fresh-faced and optimistic now. Use it to your advantage.

Pray that ya don't wake up to failure in 12 or 15 years. Midlife regrets and despair are AWFUL TORTURE.