Mr Uncle Leroy
All Star
Its amazing how much my ideal boyfriend list has changed over the years. Just to give you an idea, heres a sample of what Ive looked for in the past:
Perfect boyfriend list circa high school: cute; on the lacrosse team... and, like, totally likes me. Perfect boyfriend list circa college: Has a great job; social; lives in same city. Perfect boyfriend list circa today: Big heart; faithful; fun... and potentially a great dad.
Even now, with all we know of love and life, when women start listing what were looking for in a man, it still usually starts with his looks, his location, his job (OK, maybe his sense of humor, too). But the truth is that any man any height, any place, any type of job can be the perfect boyfriend if he expresses the qualities that women really want in a mate. These are the things that speak to our hearts and affect us on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Sometimes they are the things we forget we even really want in a guy until we see a Ryan Gosling movie.
So I dug into my past experiences (both good and bad) and talked to other women about what theyre looking for to come up with an ideal list. If we were put one perfect boyfriend on order, heres what comes with the package:
The perfect boyfriend
1. Gives us butterflies in the beginning. (Frequency: once a week, at least for the first three months.) I have a friend whos been seeing a man for awhile that she describes this way: Hes really nice and hes really good to me, but sometimes I have trouble looking at him, because hes really weird-looking but, you know, well see. Some people think you dont have to be all that physically attracted to the person youre dating; Im not one of those people. (And lets be honest, who really is?) The ideal guy is either immediately attractive to us for his obvious physical attributes (say, dark-haired and tall, skinny with glasses, exotic and graceful), or because he appeals to us in other ways (how he talks, walks, kisses, and handles his work life). Either way, those fluttery feelings in the beginning of a new romance are important. Relationships can be hard at times, and one way to endure the rough patches is having that little spark of high-school variety puppy love to fall back on. The perfect guy provides his partner with that feeling.
2. Makes us laugh. (Frequency: a lot.) Theres a reason sense of humor is consistently at the top of every womans love list. If you cant laugh together, really, whats the point?
3. Shows us affection in tender ways. (Frequency: minimum of 4x per week.) My current squeeze was recently playing with my hair for the duration of an entire episode of Greys Anatomy (speaking of, is it too shallow to want the perfect boyfriend to watch Greys Anatomy with you?). I was in such heaven that it made me realize how important it is to be touched in ways that arent always sexual. For instance, guys, you know that clever idea you have of offering us a backrub when you really intend to slowly sneak your hands around and well, we know that trick. Im just saying that every once in awhile, the perfect boyfriend would give us a plain old backrub.
4. Comes out with our friends and plays the role of token adorable guy. (Frequency: once a month.) Like a designer coat you bought for a steal, whats the fun of talking about your big score if you cant show him off? A perfect boyfriend isnt just perfect when were alone; hes perfect in public, too. Years ago, I dated an event planner who would occasionally say, Lets take your friends out. Hed book a table somewhere, hail the cab, pull out our chairs for us, order for us, and tell hilarious stories about some recent party fiasco. I couldnt help beaming with pride when a friend would lean over and whisper, Oh my goodness, hes adorable. For most women, our friends are our family and a big part of our lives, so we want the boyfriend to fit right in and make a great impression while he does it. Whats the fun of having the perfect boyfriend if no one in the room goes home wondering how his girlfriend got so lucky?
5. Agrees to split the check when we order food. (Frequency: at least every other meal together.)You know you can have half of my chicken sandwich if I can have half of your burger, right? And that your French fries are my French fries? Provided we dont go too wild with our choices, its an admirable trait if a boyfriend shares a meal with his lady literally.
6. Surprises us with thoughtful gifts and gestures. (Frequency: once a month.) This is where those flowers come in handy, or a new book we wanted. Or a sweet text sent at 11 a.m. while at the office. Regardless of whether the gesture is big or small, it really is the thought that counts. While visiting my guy in Los Angeles for a month, I mentioned a few weeks in that I was feeling a little homesick for New York City. When I woke up the next morning, he was standing there with two lattes and a copy of The New York Post, which hed spent 45 minutes driving around trying to find. The gift itself cost him two bucks, but was priceless in boyfriend points. Half the fun of a little gift is just knowing that the guy is thinking of you when hes apart from you, points out my friend Sue. It almost doesnt matter what it is, its just the fact that he thought of us while he was doing it.
7. Compliments us on things other than our looks. (Frequency: 10x a month.) In the movie Somethings Gotta Give, Jack Nicholsons character tells Diane Keatons character: Youre the funniest girl I have ever been with. Perhaps he could have phrased it a bit better, but theres something magical about a man who notices the more profound, valuable qualities in a woman who says things like, Youre so interesting, Youre so intuitive or Youre so smart. Looks fade, so we want a boyfriend who sees the beauty deep down in us.
8. But, yeah, he also tells us were beautiful and hot all the time. (Frequency: Seriously, all the time.) It just makes us feel really good, and the return a boyfriend gets on this is quantifiable because the more beautiful we feel, the better girlfriends we are in return.
9. Gives us cards with stuff written in them. (Frequency: birthday, anniversary, and holidays.) Gifts from a boyfriend are great, dont get me wrong, but its truly gratifying when said boyfriend also gives us a card with something heartfelt or sweet or cute written inside of it you know, something more than just both of our names, Love and a little punctuation. Its not required, of course, but it goes a long, long way.
10. Calls us on our questionable behavior. (Frequency: well, not too often.) My friend Kim mentioned an attribute she appreciates in her current boyfriend. As she puts it: He calls me on stuff. Kim is a tough lady who installs her own air conditioners and goes on vacation alone, but when she gets a boyfriend, its a different story. I tend to turn into kind of a weepy, girl-tied-to-the-railroad-tracks type, says Kim. The other day, I asked him to get up and get me a drink using this weird baby voice, and he was like, Whoa, whats with the voice? Now youre pushing it. He was right, Kim admits. I wasnt being myself. And it makes me respect a guy when he puts me in my place when I veer off-course.
11. Makes us trust him completely. (Frequency: always.) I dated a guy years ago who was big on guys and girls nights out. Which was fine, except that when hed zip up his jacket and Id say, See you later, hed reply with, Sure, unless I meet some other hot chick who wants me to come home with her. Ha ha, just kidding! Guess what? Not so funny. A perfect boyfriend makes a woman feel safe and secure. As my friend Todd puts it, Trust is the titanium casing of a long-lasting relationship. Without that strong force field, you cant survive. Its what makes you a working team.
12. Thinks its adorable when were being our private selves in front of him. (Frequency: always.) Its rare to find a man who thinks its charming that you wear decades-old T-shirts to bed, can eat a whole Dominos pizza by yourself and spend Saturdays watching Project Runway marathons. And thats what makes him so special! Assuming we agree not to push it (I love that you dont care if I dont shave my legs for weeks!), the ideal guy would make us feel loved and accepted when were being our most natural selves.
How to be the perfect boyfriend
Perfect boyfriend list circa high school: cute; on the lacrosse team... and, like, totally likes me. Perfect boyfriend list circa college: Has a great job; social; lives in same city. Perfect boyfriend list circa today: Big heart; faithful; fun... and potentially a great dad.
Even now, with all we know of love and life, when women start listing what were looking for in a man, it still usually starts with his looks, his location, his job (OK, maybe his sense of humor, too). But the truth is that any man any height, any place, any type of job can be the perfect boyfriend if he expresses the qualities that women really want in a mate. These are the things that speak to our hearts and affect us on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Sometimes they are the things we forget we even really want in a guy until we see a Ryan Gosling movie.
So I dug into my past experiences (both good and bad) and talked to other women about what theyre looking for to come up with an ideal list. If we were put one perfect boyfriend on order, heres what comes with the package:
The perfect boyfriend
1. Gives us butterflies in the beginning. (Frequency: once a week, at least for the first three months.) I have a friend whos been seeing a man for awhile that she describes this way: Hes really nice and hes really good to me, but sometimes I have trouble looking at him, because hes really weird-looking but, you know, well see. Some people think you dont have to be all that physically attracted to the person youre dating; Im not one of those people. (And lets be honest, who really is?) The ideal guy is either immediately attractive to us for his obvious physical attributes (say, dark-haired and tall, skinny with glasses, exotic and graceful), or because he appeals to us in other ways (how he talks, walks, kisses, and handles his work life). Either way, those fluttery feelings in the beginning of a new romance are important. Relationships can be hard at times, and one way to endure the rough patches is having that little spark of high-school variety puppy love to fall back on. The perfect guy provides his partner with that feeling.
2. Makes us laugh. (Frequency: a lot.) Theres a reason sense of humor is consistently at the top of every womans love list. If you cant laugh together, really, whats the point?
3. Shows us affection in tender ways. (Frequency: minimum of 4x per week.) My current squeeze was recently playing with my hair for the duration of an entire episode of Greys Anatomy (speaking of, is it too shallow to want the perfect boyfriend to watch Greys Anatomy with you?). I was in such heaven that it made me realize how important it is to be touched in ways that arent always sexual. For instance, guys, you know that clever idea you have of offering us a backrub when you really intend to slowly sneak your hands around and well, we know that trick. Im just saying that every once in awhile, the perfect boyfriend would give us a plain old backrub.
4. Comes out with our friends and plays the role of token adorable guy. (Frequency: once a month.) Like a designer coat you bought for a steal, whats the fun of talking about your big score if you cant show him off? A perfect boyfriend isnt just perfect when were alone; hes perfect in public, too. Years ago, I dated an event planner who would occasionally say, Lets take your friends out. Hed book a table somewhere, hail the cab, pull out our chairs for us, order for us, and tell hilarious stories about some recent party fiasco. I couldnt help beaming with pride when a friend would lean over and whisper, Oh my goodness, hes adorable. For most women, our friends are our family and a big part of our lives, so we want the boyfriend to fit right in and make a great impression while he does it. Whats the fun of having the perfect boyfriend if no one in the room goes home wondering how his girlfriend got so lucky?
5. Agrees to split the check when we order food. (Frequency: at least every other meal together.)You know you can have half of my chicken sandwich if I can have half of your burger, right? And that your French fries are my French fries? Provided we dont go too wild with our choices, its an admirable trait if a boyfriend shares a meal with his lady literally.
6. Surprises us with thoughtful gifts and gestures. (Frequency: once a month.) This is where those flowers come in handy, or a new book we wanted. Or a sweet text sent at 11 a.m. while at the office. Regardless of whether the gesture is big or small, it really is the thought that counts. While visiting my guy in Los Angeles for a month, I mentioned a few weeks in that I was feeling a little homesick for New York City. When I woke up the next morning, he was standing there with two lattes and a copy of The New York Post, which hed spent 45 minutes driving around trying to find. The gift itself cost him two bucks, but was priceless in boyfriend points. Half the fun of a little gift is just knowing that the guy is thinking of you when hes apart from you, points out my friend Sue. It almost doesnt matter what it is, its just the fact that he thought of us while he was doing it.
7. Compliments us on things other than our looks. (Frequency: 10x a month.) In the movie Somethings Gotta Give, Jack Nicholsons character tells Diane Keatons character: Youre the funniest girl I have ever been with. Perhaps he could have phrased it a bit better, but theres something magical about a man who notices the more profound, valuable qualities in a woman who says things like, Youre so interesting, Youre so intuitive or Youre so smart. Looks fade, so we want a boyfriend who sees the beauty deep down in us.
8. But, yeah, he also tells us were beautiful and hot all the time. (Frequency: Seriously, all the time.) It just makes us feel really good, and the return a boyfriend gets on this is quantifiable because the more beautiful we feel, the better girlfriends we are in return.
9. Gives us cards with stuff written in them. (Frequency: birthday, anniversary, and holidays.) Gifts from a boyfriend are great, dont get me wrong, but its truly gratifying when said boyfriend also gives us a card with something heartfelt or sweet or cute written inside of it you know, something more than just both of our names, Love and a little punctuation. Its not required, of course, but it goes a long, long way.
10. Calls us on our questionable behavior. (Frequency: well, not too often.) My friend Kim mentioned an attribute she appreciates in her current boyfriend. As she puts it: He calls me on stuff. Kim is a tough lady who installs her own air conditioners and goes on vacation alone, but when she gets a boyfriend, its a different story. I tend to turn into kind of a weepy, girl-tied-to-the-railroad-tracks type, says Kim. The other day, I asked him to get up and get me a drink using this weird baby voice, and he was like, Whoa, whats with the voice? Now youre pushing it. He was right, Kim admits. I wasnt being myself. And it makes me respect a guy when he puts me in my place when I veer off-course.
11. Makes us trust him completely. (Frequency: always.) I dated a guy years ago who was big on guys and girls nights out. Which was fine, except that when hed zip up his jacket and Id say, See you later, hed reply with, Sure, unless I meet some other hot chick who wants me to come home with her. Ha ha, just kidding! Guess what? Not so funny. A perfect boyfriend makes a woman feel safe and secure. As my friend Todd puts it, Trust is the titanium casing of a long-lasting relationship. Without that strong force field, you cant survive. Its what makes you a working team.
12. Thinks its adorable when were being our private selves in front of him. (Frequency: always.) Its rare to find a man who thinks its charming that you wear decades-old T-shirts to bed, can eat a whole Dominos pizza by yourself and spend Saturdays watching Project Runway marathons. And thats what makes him so special! Assuming we agree not to push it (I love that you dont care if I dont shave my legs for weeks!), the ideal guy would make us feel loved and accepted when were being our most natural selves.
How to be the perfect boyfriend
